Sunday, May 27, 2007
7 things you'll wish you never knew about me
Today I was tagged by David McMahon ... I feel so.... sticky.... I just wish I knew what color spray paint he used! It's so hard to tell in this virtual world.
Sorry David, I don't know how to do that loverly little name click thingy, so visit David here:
http://david-mcmahon.blogspot.com/ And do it regularly, the guy is a master of puns and has more vim than the energizer bunny.
David wants to know seven little known facts about me (the real tag title), as you will see the timing is impeccable. Reader beware.
1) yesterday one of my favorite alpacas gave birth to a beautiful female cria who was premature. She died a few hours later while I looked on and could do nothing, and I cried all night. This was to be one of only three expected crias this year on our small farm.
2) in 1990 I almost committed suicide but instead went to an AA meeting. I got clean & sober that year and stopped my life destructive drinking and my cocaine abuse, and thought life would be so much easier. I thought I would never think about alcohol and suicide again.
3) Yesterday I thought of both. I contemplated throwing 17 years of sobriety out the door and remembered the oblivion I was able to achieve with sufficient quantities of liquor. Yesterday it didn't seem like such a big thing, 17 years- bah. And suicide? Good enough for my big brother, right?
4) Today my eyes are puffy and I still want a drink something fierce, but I will not take it. Suicide has been banished to the dark undercellar of my mind where it belongs, and life, amazingly is going on. One day at a time.....
5) Yesterday I wanted to quit, I questioned the existence of a loving God and raged and gnashed my teeth like a woman possessed. I convinced myself it was all my fault, and that I was being punished for not being good enough. I said "Who needs Him?? I am fine on my own."
6) Today I am humbled and realize I cannot do it alone. I haven't made it to my knees quite yet, but that time is coming, I know it is. I opened my door to this world, and found people out there who cared enough to cover me in spray paint. Thank you David for helping to pull me out, whether you knew it or not.
7) Today I went out and sat with my grieving momma to offer her comfort, and somehow she managed to make me feel better. Dumb animals indeed.
Oh, and sometimes? I just wish I was Harry Potter. With a wand, and cool robes. Escapism in it's highest form.
I would like to thank David for the tagging, and I tag the following people:
See you next time,