Happy New Year?

Thought I'd recycle while I await brilliance- this one I liked and is from 2006. I know it's not New Year's day, but anywho........



Okay, so maybe it's because I'm older, or maybe it's because I don't party anymore, but to me, New Years isn't such a big deal.

I remember the first year I got sober in 1990, it was a hard year. Every holiday reminded me of drinking.... okay, every day reminded me of drinking, but holidays especially. Every year New Year and Halloween, Christmas and Fourth of July got easier without alcohol.

After I had my first child, I tried to celebrate New Years in a sober fashion. I went out with some friends after getting a sitter, and I sipped my sparking cider. By 9:00 pm I was face down in the quacamole- dead asleep.
Okay, so toddlers and late hours don't go together. I tried again with my husband when the kids were older. A sitter again, and out we were. Two adults, no kids, candlelight and good food.
we held out till 11:00 pm, then we both decided we missed the kids too much and went home. Personally I think it was just an excuse, neither one of us could hold out any longer without sleep.

When my children grew old enough to understand the concept of New Years Eve and midnight, we decided we were going to party all night long! Woo-hoo and pass the grape juice. This time I planned carefully, we were going to play board games and around 10 pm would watch videos until we could ring in the new year with Dick Clark- a new family tradition!

Everything went according to plan, for a while, the only problem is the last thing I remember was Cinderella washing the floor.... the next thing I knew I was pulling Doritos out of my hair the next morning and trying to figure out how chocolate chip cookies got into the VCR. It was then that I realized mothers don't need alcohol, they just need more than one child to keep life interesting.

So, I decided after that last adventure I didn't need a New Year celebration to bring on the new year, it happened just fine without me. So my hubby and I sleep like every other normal night, and my kids (who are old enough now to know better than to put cookies in the DVD player) are free to stay up without us. Besides, it is a dangerous night to travel, right? Heck, when we lived in Downey it was a dangerous night to step outside your door, you never knew when a stray bullet fired into the sky in 'celebration' was going to land in your head as it fell to the ground. Duh! What part of Newton's Law are you having difficulty with?? I digress...

Just when I have a good night's sleep all planned out, one of my friends reminds me about her New Years party. Okay, so I figure I can take the kids and the hubby, and we can skip out about 10 pm, right? No harm, no foul.... no way, her party starts at 10 pm..... and goes till 2 am.

Is she serious? What was she thinking?? Forget about me for a minute, teenagers out until 2 am? Does she realize how cranky they are already in the morning without adding 2 am into the equation? HA!!

Okay, lets sum up: It's 3 in the afternoon and I'm already tired. At 9 pm I will begin to yawn uncontrollably, and by midnight I can be found under a table somewhere out of the way sound asleep... not my idea of a good time. She told me to take a nap this afternoon. A nap, in the middle of the day? I am afraid I don't speak Klingon, that must be what you're speaking I tell her, because I don't understand you.....

Tomorrow my in-laws are coming. And my house is a disaster- except for the kitchen. Tomorrow we are supposed to be cleaning the house as a family. I can see it now......

I am up at 5 am to get a jump start on cleaning the house, and my body is punishing me for refusing to listen to it last night when it told me to go to bed at a decent hour. Being a Zombie however is not conducive to cleaning anything and I consequently make a half of an attempt to vaccum, clean the bathrooms and mop, but pass out on the couch around 9 am. The rest of the family drags themselves out of bed around noon, dirties up the kitchen I cleaned yesterday making breakfast, and my in-laws walk in the house at 1 pm to find four of the living dead inhabiting their son's messy house. Wow, now that is impressive let me tell you.

The weirdest thing of all is that I have suffered from insomnia throughout my life. So what, some nights I can't keep my eyelids open without toothpicks after 7 pm, and others I can't keep them closed without super glue..... what is that all about???

So, what to do? I mean, this friend of mine keeps the oddest hours, to her I am weird because we eat dinner at 6 pm and go to bed at 9. She eats dinner with her family around 9 pm and they stay up all night and sleep during the day. I remember the first time we went over for dinner, it was 10 pm before we sat down to eat. I almost passed out in the dessert. We certainly don't speak the same language... but she makes a mean taco, and I really love her. So, I guess we will go the the party, and the devil take the dirty house (and I mean that, if he wants it, he can have it) I plan on having a grand time.


Here is Gil Galad the alpaca- wishing you a Happy New Year in his own alpaca-ish way.


Have a safe and happy New Year, and take good care of yourselves!
Till next time,
Slainte~
Rachelle

Wildflower season!

Time to showcase some of my favorite spring wildlfowers, okay, technically I guess 'peaches' aren't wildflowers but.... they are pretty!!

These photos are some of the hundreds of pictures I have taken over the years since living up here. I have so many it was hard to narrow it down but I thought I would post some of my favorites that have been seen here before, and some that haven't. I do have more I am hoping to put up in a 'part two' post later.

Hope you enjoy them!

This is a Wallflower. Not too plain is it? And hardy! This one is literally growing out of the moss in the middle of a giant boulder next to our road. They are seen on the hills in bright yellows and oranges.

No spring flower showcase would be complete without peach blossoms!

This is an Indian Paintbrush. I liked this one because it was taken the year after a terrible fire up in our canyon. You can see the striking contrast between the black, skeletal remains of a woody plant, and the green of new growth.

This is a Lupine, they come in blue and white, and blue as well as the purple seen here. They are all over the place, and I was well known by my neighbors after first moving up here by my fanny up in the air while I crawled on my hands and knees pulling up each and every one frantically before my alpaca girls got here. They are toxic and had sprung up literally two days before their arrival!

The Antelope Valley in 2003 (2004??)

Purple ...... hmmm.. for the life of me I can't remember what these are, and I can't find my book! I always call them "Jane's Flowers" because when my best friend Jane died a few years back these were EVERYWHERE on the mountain, never before or since has there been such a display. I gathered up enough to fill 15 vases for her memorial service. It was the very least I could do for her.

Poppies in the Antelope Valley. The road to nowhere....

Hope you enjoyed these!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Within

This Poem is copyrighted by: Rachelle Black 2009

This is a work in progress, I haven't found a way to finish it quite yet... but I will. Those readers who have found themselves in this particular place will get it. I would love some feedback!

There is a place I often go,
A place of sorrow, steeped in woe,
Where sunlight never dares to show,
I go

Into the depths, into the pit,
Into the wherenot I admit,
Cast I myself without all wit,
I sit

Within this place I often stray,
Where darkness winds its strands away,
A place of nevermore today,
I stay

I linger here I know not why,
Until the time of by and by,
Until there are no tears to cry,
I lie

There sit I under shadows in,
That place of tragedy within,
Ponder I the circus held therein,
I grin

A rictus strained, full of deceipt,
The abyss opens, then I leap,
Become I bundled, rag doll heap,
I weep

Torn and battered, upon the path
I drag my mind a leaving half,
Bitter, twisted, full of wrath,
I laugh

And from the corner of my eye,
A sliver paler than shadow I spy,
The darkness shreds, its tatters fly,
I sigh

This where I go, I must not tarry,
Or chained and bound my thoughts will marry,
While although shackled, the key unwary,
I carry

alpacas for sale

This is a picture of BMAR's Rosie Cotton, a cria produced by Hally Boo and BMAR's Bilbo Baggins- sold at one year old for $9,000- simply stunning...

This blog entry is serving as the sale page for Black Magic

Alpaca Ranch

Male Alpacas

Due to life difficulties, all males shown are being offered for free- to good homes only!

Mithrandir the Gray Pilgrim ARI# 30359963- silver, has criated in gray and rose gray, a big bold male, Mithrandir has some dental issues that stem from neglect as a teenager, but his crias have been completely correct. One of his crias can be seen below, BMAR's Heathertoes. Big, bold, beautiful- that's what his crias are.
$500 sale price SOLD


ARI # 510367 Luxor- fawn appaloosa with gray and rose gray spots, who has criated in rose gray, fawn and black, out of Peruvian Platinum.

Born on Valentine's Day 1999, this Romeo's looks may have faded with time, but he has proven himself again and again to us. Check out one of his crias below- BMAR's Light of Earendil.

A steal? You betcha.
$500 sale price- regular breeding fee $750- you do the math. SOLD



ARI # 821602 Pacifica's Eclipse- white, but just say that to his face- he has criated in many colors, maintaining his fineness over his 9 years. With Peruvian Aladdin and Accoyo Leon as his sire and grandsire, his potential has played out several times on our ranch and his babies are always the first to sell. Eclipse is one of the sweetest, most gentle alpacas we have ever had on our ranch. We breed for temperment, and he sure does fit that bill perfectly. And, Eclipse is conformationally correct in every way. Simply perfection.

$500 sale price - $1,000 breeding fee (see what a deal he is?) SOLD

What are we thinking?? Well, we believe in paying it forward. We have used these males to our benefit, now we would like to pay them forward at a price that is remarkable, hey, it's what we do!

BMAR's Light of Earendil ARI # 30369276

What can I say about this male? He is gorgeous. Long staple length with a fine handle, nice Vicuna like waves in his fleece, he tested at 21 microns at 4 years of age. Earendil is a completely correct redwood rose gray with an easy going personality. We are breeding him for the first time this fall (no fault of his own, we just have had lots of males!) and are looking forward to seeing what he will criate. Luxor- you done good!

$3,000 sale price- $750 introductory breeding fee

Faramir- sweet, unregistered SURI fiber male alpaca. Very laid back, County Fair favorite! Faramir is just a sweet, sweet boy. $300 SOLD

Al- rescue paca, white and gelded - fiber male, Al has a bit of an attitude, experienced owners are the best for Al.
$200 SOLD

Also we have Janus- brown and white male fiber alpaca $300

Easy to handle, and easy going.

FEMALE ALPACAS

For the same reasons as stated above, we will consider trade offers for hay or vehicles for all our girls

BMAR's Elbereth ARI# pending- a lovely yearling fawn with dark points out of a gray maker-Luxor- born 2007, with exceptional staple length and fineness, we see great potential in her, and it breaks our hearts to sell her. With an adorable face and inquisitive nature, Elbereth has a lot to give. Her dam BMAR's Arwen Undomiel can be seen below. Elbereth has great potential for criating in gray!
$3,000 SOLD
Elbereth's adorable cria face, how can you resist such cuteness and photogenic talents?

BMAR's Lady Galadriel ARI# 30369269- a white beauty- born 2004- comes with a breeding to Jazzman ARI #1091243- a fawn male out of Dominator, who is a well known stud in Canada. With Acero Marka's Amazing Grace and Acero Marka's Jasmine as dam and granddam, you can't go wrong.

Jazz also boasts PPeruvian Guellermo genes, he's Jazz's granddad! Jazz is a tall, gorgeous fawn male with nice, fine fleece and excellent density and crimp, with exceptional staple length. We are excited to see what Lady G. does next!

With incredible density and coverage. Galadriel is lovely, with great fleece that is still very fine. One of my very first true loves, out of my very favorite female, Lady G. is a ranch favorite, and we sell her with deep regret. Born to our dancing girl Osita, her personality is laid back and she is an easy breeder. Lady G is a proven dam, she had an absolutely stunning white female cria that we lost suddenly to an impacted bowel this year before she even turned one year old.

(and before we registered her, of course)
Lady G's lineage includes Pacifica's Eclipse, Peruvian Aladdin, Accoyo Leon and NWA's Anastasia.

Currently bred to Dominator son- Jazzman for a fall 2009 cria
$5,000

Hally-Boo- ARI # 847086- born on Halloween in 2001- huacaya
Caramel colored, super typey and at 7 years of age still super fine. A totally easy keeper, never a vet visit for Hally in all adult years.
Hally is a proven mother of two gorgeous female crias, one dark fawn, and from our own BMAR's Bilbo Baggins, was born BMAR's Rosie Cotton- who you can see at the top of the page!
Both crias have taken the best from Hally, with their fine fleece and typey heads. Hally boasts two perfectly unassisted deliveries and plenty of milk. She self weans her crias at just the right age, and that head, oh isn't it to die for?

Currently bred to Garemo- ARI# 1129274 for a fall 2009 cria, a gorgeous typey male out of Peruvian Guellermo, with incredible fleece, seriously this male has the whole package- staple length, crimp, density and fineness.
Great combination!
$6,000

BMAR's Heathertoes ARI pending- Huacaya- dark rose gray- out of a black dam (Osita) and silver sire (Mithrandir) Born June 2006, Heathertoes is a big, beautiful girl with excellent staple length and super crimpy fleece, that is extremely fine. Heathertoes has perfect conformation and she is big enough for us to consider breeding her this fall! Heathertoes fleece won first place at our county fair last year. Heather has the most unique fleece color, being a solid dark rose gray with no white on her body, she is really stunning.
Unbred: $8,000 bred to Jazzman, a Dominator son: $9,000 SOLD

BMAR's Arwen Undomiel-ARI # 30359956 Huacaya- black headed roan proven female.
Born on 9/28/00
Ever heard someone say, "She has a great personality!" That is Arwen, she is an 'old Chilean model' with the potential for great crias all locked in.
Arwen is the sweetest, most easy going female I have ever owned. Easily handled by one person, and breeds up to excellent quality crias very easily.
Her previous cria was a beautiful true black male out of our white Eclipse, and I am still kicking myself for selling him as a cria as a fiber male.... oy....
Arwen has her crias without any assistance, and has plenty of milk for them.
Bred to Garemo for a fall 2009 cria.

Questions as to her breeding history? I'll gladly tell you the story- email me!
$3,000 SOLD

If you have any questions about these alpacas, contact Rachelle Black at Black Magic Alpaca Ranch- wyattblack@earthlink.net References available upon request.

Prospective new owners will be screened, all of my alpacas will be going to good homes only!

Blue Christmas

Just a note to update everyone. Won't be here for a while because my Poppa just died...
:((

I am working on a Christmas post with pictures of all our snow and ice, but in case it isn't done before Christmas- Merry Christmas to all of you, my friends! You can read my Christmas story in the December 2007 archives if you want.
I love and value each of you!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Farewell my friend...

This is my friend Brenda.
This is her son, the light of my life and my little buddy, Levi. Notice the cheesy smile!
This was the last time I saw him in June, after his momma had been missing for a little over 3 weeks. He is at my house, and this is the only time he let go of me long enough for me to take a picture of him. The rest of the time he held my hand sitting right next to me on the couch as we watched videos and talked, or he sat on my lap. All 13 years of him.

Brenda and Levi came into my life like a hurricane eight years ago when I decided I wanted to go back to work in special education for the first time since the birth of my children. My daughter was in 1st grade then, and I wanted to be at the same school with her and to be able to bring in a little extra money at the same time. I had previously worked in the special education field for 20 years, all the way up to, and a little bit after the birth of my first child- when I decided I wanted to be home with my baby, and that getting my head bashed into the chalkboard was soooo yesterday.

Enter Levi. Levi is autistic, and my specialty in my career choice of special education was autistic children, especially those with aggressive behavior disorders. He fit that bill perfectly.
Tiny but powerful, Levi lived inside his head to the exclusion of all else. Full of anger and frustration that his limited communication skills would not allow him to express fully, he had already been there done that kindergarten thing, but it was decided it would be tried again here on the mountain and with a 1:1 aide. That turned out to be me.
Little did I know that my life would forever be changed by Levi and his mother.

The first time I met Brenda I recognized her as an alcoholic. I was able to see her with different eyes than most everyone else, as I am also an alcoholic- sober 18 years this past April. Most people just saw a drunk, I saw a woman who fought many demons daily. I saw a woman of courage and great strength who had to walk through a valley filled with traps each and every day. Someone who would do ANYTHING for her child. Someone who was lost, and had no knowledge at all that she was a child of God and that there was a father in Heaven who loved her more than she could comprehend.

To say that Brenda's life revolved around Levi would be the understatement of the century. As a single mother, Brenda was the hub of Levi's existence, and her reason for living. She loved him fiercely. As it is with most autistic children, Levi had trouble with self control. He was on the path to trouble with his hitting and slapping, and Brenda was the recipient of that all too frequently. Still, she stayed.

There were times in my career where I found myself forced to call Child Protective Services on a parent because their child was at risk for injury or abuse. That child would be healthier, happier and safer outside their home environment.

I knew that Levi would die if he were taken from Brenda, and that the same was true for her. They lived and breathed for each other, and their lives were richer for their relationship. They were like the earth and the sun orbiting around each other.

When Levi was in second grade, I wrote a book about him. It is called "Donny is Different".
Brenda was thrilled by it, and everyone who read it loved it. Levi was very intelligent, sweet, kind and very affectionate to those whom he loves, a very different kind of child from the typical autistic children I had ever worked with before- at any age. Capable of learning reading, and basic math, yet still super involved with self stimulation, prone to be extremely loud and to horrible tantrums, Levi was able to show impulse control- something most autistic children are not able to exhibit at all. Levi was mainstreamed all throughout his school time here with regular classes, and made many 'normal' friends who were kind and very accepting of him.

It was my pleasure to be able to work professionally with him from kindergarten through third grade, and to see him mature and completely stop any aggressive behavior and tantrumming.
To grow into a fine young man who can carry on a normal conversation with you, express himself fully and coherently, and whose loving personality and winsome smile can light up a room the instant he walks in.

Over the years I became close to
Brenda, and even after I stopped working with Levi in the school- he went on to the middle school up here and I stayed home with my daughter who was having health problems- Levi would come to my house once a week and I would tutor him. My children learned all about autism from Levi, Cameron and Codi both learned to love him. My daughter especially held a special place in her heart for him because they attended the same schools all through the years and she saw how cruel children could be and stuck up for him whenever she could.
We went to his birthday parties, exchanged gifts for all the holidays, and often we would just stop by and tell them we loved them. I advocated for him at IEPs and spent some time in his middle school classes so I could report back to Brenda that everything was indeed going well.

Brenda always said we were family, that I would always be a part of their lives, no matter where they went or how old we all got to be. She said that she told her sister- who was Levi's guardian in case something ever happened to Brenda- that I was to be kept in his life, always. That I was family.
We talked a lot, about everything. She was there for me through a whole lot of crap in my life, and I always told her how incredibly strong she was- and she never believed me. Always positive about everybody else and always self deprecating, that was Brenda.

Once she touched my daughter deeply by taking her into her room and opening her jewelry box, and giving many pieces of old and beautiful costume jewelry to her. She said "I don't have a daughter, so you will be mine and I'll share you with your mom from now on."

Last year she found love. It was a man who said he loved her, and who -more importantly- loved Levi. This was what Brenda had been looking for, she was beaming, and lovely in love. They moved out of their little trailer and into his house. She sold all of her belongings, truly believing this would be the last move she would ever have to make. Levi would have the daddy he deserved, they would be a whole family...
Things were strained but she tried to make it work.
Then things became abusive, and she moved back into her mobile home, and that was the beginning of the end.

This is my Levi in the third grade with his science project.

Now for the hard part and I apologise ahead of time if I am too brief and short on the whole story, it is very painful and I only hope that writing about it might ease that a little.

I said that the last time I saw Levi was in June. The day after this picture was taken he moved off the mountain and with his aunt.

In May, Brenda went missing.
Prior to this, everyone had noted a change in Brenda. I noticed she was more depressed. She wasn't returning my calls. Since the hard break up a few months earlier, she had vacillated between an "everything's gonna be even better now" attitude and being overwhelmed and frustrated, and then there was the sadness...

She went through a stage shortly after the break up where she was trying to figure out her life, Levi had her smoking outside all the time, handwritten "No Smoking In The House!!!" signs on the door, and Brenda was talking about getting sober. Having quit drugs already after a scary stint in rehab, I encouraged her- you can do it! It lasted for a while, and during that time Brenda looked for God. She looked in books, she prayed all the time, and she even asked me about my church. She had often said she wanted Levi to know about Jesus, and I had invited him to church many times, but to Levi Jesus was in his heart, and church was where you had to be quiet all the time.

Brenda invited the missionaries from my church to come and talk with her, and invited me as well to come. She said she saw what God was doing in my life, and she wanted that for herself. She always had faith that He was there, she gave thanks to Him daily for the many blessings in her life- what was missing was the personal knowledge that she was a highly valued daughter of God. That she had a divine purpose, and that most importantly, she could find redemption through Him.

I had great hope that she would find what she was looking for, but she couldn't.
She became morose, called me a few times crying, could I just take Levi for a while?
Then, I heard nothing from her for a whole month. Then came May, and she was gone.
That May day Brenda dressed up nicely, and got on one of our local transit buses. Everyone thought she was going to work, but later her friend found a note from her saying she just couldn't do it anymore.

In the note she said to take Levi to her sister, that she loved him with all her heart, and that she was tired.

She left a perfectly packed bag for Levi in her house, and her wallet and purse with all her ID in it next to the bag where it would be found easily.

She was last seen in a mini mart where she bought a turkey sandwich and a bottle of vodka.
People said she just took off, she had done it before- before Levi was born anyway- and she would be back.

Friends searched the mountains for her around where she was last seen without finding any trace.

I knew. I knew Brenda would never leave Levi if it wasn't for good. I knew....

A couple of weeks ago a hiker's dog found some remains near a secluded spot in the mountains with a spectacular view of the valley below, and the house where her dreams were dashed to bits.

Yesterday the coroner identified the remains as Brenda.
I haven't seen Levi since. I hear he is adjusting well. He had been told previously that momma was gone taking care of a sick friend. But he knew, as the months passed, he knew...

I remember that last day I saw him, how he clung to me and told me he loved me over and over- "I love you Mrs. Black- you're a true friend"
Brenda's sister has never contacted me, and I fear I may never see him again.

Brenda, I miss you. You were incredibly strong with the heart of a lioness.

Levi, I think about you all the time I miss and love you ever so much.

I need a new memory chip...

Okay, so it is pretty much a given that as we age, we lose brain cells.
Several things can speed up or increase the number of cells killed on any given day:
drugs and alcohol
head injuries
husbands -- said with tongue firmly planted in cheek--
pregnancy
childbirth
stress
And children between the ages of zero to about 90...... I am so totally doomed!!

Considering I have had some form of all of the above in my lifetime, it is no surprise that I am cracking up early.

The other day I went outside to check the pacas while waiting for my son to be ready to leave for school. I did this *knowing* I only had a few minutes before we had to leave. Just a quick check I thought.

I went into my girls pen and noticed that there was a bucket left in the pen. Took it to the garage (which is around the other side of the house) and went back out. Then I noticed they needed hay, fed them from the hay truck (which is back on the other side of the house). I played with the new cria, kissed all my girls, looked over the boys and thought about how it was time for me to get my hands on them and do a herd health day again, how time flies..... sigh

Then I thought, while I'm out here I should really rebreed Osita. Went into the house and actually was on the way to get a halter when I found my son standing there with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot and looking for all the world like an old Irish grandmother... "Where have you been?? I'm going to be late for school!"

Right I thought, school.

Then I got in my car and started driving him to school. I was thinking about how I needed to go to Bakersfield and pick up some of those rolls my mother requested for Thanksgiving dinner (that is unless I wanted to make some myself... hmmm) and before I knew it I was on the freeway headed towards Bako and away- like totally the opposite direction- from the school.

By the time we noticed of course, I was committed to the freeway unless I wanted to try and reverse all the way back up the on ramp dodging a line up of semi trucks that would put the 49'ers to shame for about 1/4 mile- no thanks.

So we had to drive the freeway until I got to the bottom of the Grapevine and the next off ramp which was about 2 miles further down, turn around, and drive 8 more miles to the high school.

Needless to say I had to be a little creative in my explanation as to why my son was late to school.

This is above and beyond the whole 'walk into the room and forget why you did' schpeel. Beyond also the 'why do I have my keys in my hand?' and the 'sure I can go to the movies with you today, I don't have anything else to do' (when you have that doctors appointment you have been waiting for three months for at that exact time).

Or, my personal favorite- the 'remind me so I don't forget that I have a conference meeting at 5:00' and your family dutifully reminds you 1/2 an hour before and you still decide that you need to go to the store, take a nap, clean the garage, fill in the blank.......... yup I have so been there done that one.

I'm telling you, my excuses are getting lamer and lamer, because who wants to admit - out loud at least- that they are losing the remaining marbles that are rattling around in their head?? Not I.

Hmmm... I wonder, is there anyone out there who is doing brain transplants? I'll be first in line when the time comes.

That is, if I remember.

Slainte~

er... what was my name again??