Winter in the Buckeyes
So I offer up for your amusement, The Sari Incident:
Today was right out of a Laurel & Hardy movie, starring yours truly. We live in a canyon, picture from the bottom, a gentle upward slope, cozy houses tucked away on natural 'shelves' going up the canyon. We are about half way up and our nearest neighbor is about 1/8 mile below us. She can look up and see our alpacas, their pastures, but not our house proper.
The event that occurred was out in the bottom grass pasture, of course! I was wearing a tee-shirt and a sari type wrap around my waist and was minding my own business hanging out with the machos while they grazed, watching the blue sky and playing "I CAN touch you" with my llama boy. Suddenly I was attacked, I was stung by a bee! Wait, that was a bite, Ouch!! Now that was a sting!
Of course, it wasn't on any visible surface, like my arm, or leg.... it was on my bottom... How the wasp found it's way up the sari and into no man's land is a mystery.
I tried to smack the wasp into submission, tried to squish it with my hand, but to no avail. Finally, after the fourth sting- in desperation, ripping off the sari I start shrieking and waving it around frantically, trying to dislodge the offending beast.
My neighbor below who had just pulled up to her house in her car, perhaps thinking I was engaging in some sort of strange new greeting, waves back and yells "Hello!!" with a puzzled look, then hustles into her house without a backward glance. The alpacas are jumping around, leaping into the air thinking it is time to play 'booga-booga'. My dog Fatty Lumpkins, ever my knight in shining armor, runs into the pasture under the gate, scatters the pacas and knocks me over to grab the sari in his mouth and start tearing it apart. Perhaps he thought it was a giant bloodthirsty bat attacking his mommy..... Then, to top it all off, I slip on the grass and land on my derriere.
I run for the house with the wasp, it's whereabouts still unknown, perhaps in my underwear? (I am NOT going to take THEM off out there) I have a suspicion my neighbor is peering out from behind her curtains, maybe she is on the phone with the sheriff, reporting her nutty neighbor, I don't know. I hear the pacas sniggering in the background.
After my 10 year old daughter recovers from seeing her mother running through the house at top speed half naked, she comes to see if she can laugh at me, er, I mean help. "Look for astinger!!" I yell frantically. "Mom! Gross!!" she says trying to hide her giggles of glee. Nope, it was a wasp. It got me thrice with it's stinger, once with it's nasty little teeth - I know they don't have any but still. I can only hope I squashed the little bugger when I hit the ground. I hate Yellow Jackets......
I really don't know what I am going to say the next time I see my neighbor. It wouldn't be so bad if she hadn't wondered just how loony I was because I crawled around on my hands and knees for 2 weeks right after we moved here, picking every little microscopic unidentified weed with my fanny up in the air. Oh, and the time I was out there breaking up a fight between three of my males in my pajamas with my big PVC piece, screaming at them to "Knock it off before you wake up the neighbors!!" (hay! It was early in the morning!!)
Ouch......... more than my pride was wounded on this day.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional wasp killer, please consult your local professional before trying to squish one with your behind. Do not exceed recommended daily allowance. Extreme panic may ensue.
Hope you enjoyed!