Sunday, November 05, 2006

o-bla-dee o-bla-daa life goes on.....

Candelo- here with mom who was here for breeding- so shiny!

Ice Princess- one of those who left yesterday. I miss you already honey


Okay, sometimes I think I need two blogs. One for some stuff, and one for other stuff. I mean people are always saying you shouldn't talk about politics or religion on your blog if you want people to read it. Well, I don't buy it. Since my goal in blogging was to share my life with all of you, ignoring something that is a huge part of my life would make my blog a sham. It would be trying to make me something I'm not. Like taking my life and putting into neat little compartments before deciding what to share.
Sheesh, anyone who knows me knows that I am not neat about anything....
So, here we go- but hey! No politics!! :))

This has been a happy/sad week. Yesterday 8 alpacas left my ranch. They were all boarders, and some of them will be greatly missed. Sad.
On the other hand 8 less alpacas means much less work for me, and more time to work with my own alpacas. It brings my total here on the ranch to a manageable level of 14 alpacas and 2 llamas.
Happy.
Loss of the boarding income is a downside. Sad.
Peace of mind that I only have my own alpacas to worry about on a daily basis. Happy.

Then today, I got released from my calling at church as Primary president. Sad.
........ okay, I am still looking for the happy side of this. I LOVE those kids! I have been doing this for almost 4 years now, and I can't imagine doing anything else. I'm GOOD at this job!

I know this is the Lord's will, but sometimes I wish I could have a face to face with Him- just so I know what's going on! However, that could very well turn into a 20 questions sort of thing, which explains the whole gotta-wait-till-your-dead-to-get-a-face-to-face interview thing.
I mean who has time to answer all of my questions? Certainly not God, he's too busy laughing at my life!! KIDDING!! But seriously, have you seen my life these days?? Sometimes I wonder. I like the plaque that reads: We plan. God Laughs.

I have been in many different places in my church callings. Teaching adults, compassionate services, working with the youth, and of course- with the children. All of these callings have been great. Some have taken me out of my comfort zone... way out.....
Take my calling to be the young women's camp director. Okay, sure...
My teenage years were insane. There was so much abuse and craziness going on in my life that I spent every waking moment trying to numb myself so I didn't have to feel anything. Um, suffice it to say that I didn't spend a whole lotta time at church. It wasn't until I was 25 that I turned into the whole and fabulous woman that I am now. How in the world was I going to lead a bunch of teenage girls in the most spiritual week of the year at camp??
I spent a lot of time with my bishop trying to talk him into the idea that he had made a mistake. He had called the wrong person. He just smiled and said the Lord knew what he was doing, I was in the right place.
Well, he was right... doggone it. The two years I spent as camp director were filled with growth for me. Those girls taught me more about compassion, service, and unconditional love than I had ever known. I even learned that I could be a giggly teenager all over again, for the first time.
I never would have had that personal growth without that calling. When I was released, I cried.
And then I got called into Primary.

You know, it all comes down to this. I don't like change. Change is scary. It means I am not in control of anything, and I don't like it.
Why can't I ever be in control?? It's not fair!! Uh-oh, I feel a tantrum coming on. See!! Primary has gotten me in touch with my inner child!! That's a good thing, right??!!

I also know that another calling is coming to a theater near me very soon. I have been told one is in the works right now. Well, what if I don't like it? What if I'm not good at it?! What if I totally suck at it?!?!
--sigh--
Yup, change sucks like a vacuum on steroids.

My life recently has seemed like a roller coaster. Oh, I know you've heard that one before. But this roller coaster has no brakes and the tracks come to an abrupt end somewhere in the not too distant future. So I know the end of the line is coming, just not when. No control again, see?

This calling was the one constant in my life. The one thing I was certain wouldn't change.
Like I said, we plan, God laughs.

Oh well, time for me to go hug a paca and get over myself. I am as certain as I can be that I will survive this change like I have all the others in my life. At least I know I never have to go back to my childhood and youth. I have a wonderful supportive husband, and two beautiful children. And you.
Take good care of yourselves and I will let you know which hat I will be wearing at church from now on as soon as I do.
Here's hoping it isn't den mother.....
Slainte~
Rachelle

8 comments:

Mousie/claudine said...

so let's sum up, love.
please don't change anything in your blog, we love you as you are, people who don't like it have plenty other blogs to visit.
I don't believe in God, but it's so interesting to see how you get on with the church, the children...if I read blogs it's to discover other people...otherwise i would buy a huge mirror and sppend time looking at myself...
"We plan. God laughs"I love this sentence...I knew that one: "If god had want us to take life very seriously ,He wouldn't have given us the sense of humour"...
"Change is scary" yes it is, and the older we get the scariest it is...but it's important not to settle down too much I think...
Camp for teenagers, I would have loved to be with you...
Theater: what do you want me to say, you know the answer, if you don't try you'll never know if you like it!!!!and it must be an interseting way of expressing one self
see you my sweetheart, take care, and I would have hated to see the alpacas go...you're a brave one!!!

Rachelle Black said...

Thanks ever so much Mousie dearest.
I appreciate the fact that you are receptive to others points of view.
In this world it is so very hard to fine people who are open to others ways of thinking, without judgement.
You are a gift in my life.
Luv ya!
Rachelle

cozmic said...

I have come to the conclusion Rachelle that maybe you are a control freak, and maybe this is the plan that your god has for you, like mousie/claudine I also don't believe in god. My beliefs are a little closer to the ground. But in this life it is so good that we all don't share the same beliefs, otherwise it would be a very boring place. I used to be a cub scout leader, and I loved to go camping. The first night was hell, nobody wanted to sleep!! But I was always sad at the end of the camp. mousie is right in saying that it is important not to settle down too much. At my age I am still riding motorbikes and trikes, and love every minute of it.
It is important to be happy with now, let tomorrow take care of itself. be happy, cozmic

Rachelle Black said...

Hay Cozmic....
Hmmm.... I don't know whether to laugh, or cry! HA-HA
I have known I like to be in control for a long time, but funnily (is that even a word??) enough I KNOW I can't BE IN control of anything.
Therein lies the quandry that is my life.... --grin--

So you are saying the plan from God is to keep throwing me in the deep end until I get it?
LOLOL!!!!! I give up!!!!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Anonymous said...

Hey there Rachelle. Just checking out the blog because you name dropped on mine. I like it. It is positive in nature and that makes it enjoyable. I'll try to stop by often for updates.

Goose said...

There located on your side bar you have different things like Previous Post, About Me, Archieves, and so on...that is called your Sidebar. Create another section, some call it Links, or Blogs that Link, and then add the html onto it. If you have html code questions on how to do that, jus leave it in my Chat Box.

P.S. Which internet browswer are you using that is making the text so small?? Mozilla is what correctly presents the site the way it should be.

Gattina said...

I found your blog apparently "again" going through my "favourites". Now I have a question, what is the difference between an alpacas and a llama ? They look so alike and I love them. They always have this offended snobbish look in their huge eyes !
Don't bother about religion. Since I am blogging I noticed that ONLY american Bloggers are talking about or mentionning God all the time. There are blogs with every day prayers and other moral stuff. For Europeans it's a private thing. I don't even know if my neighbors go to church or not if they believe or not and I don't care. As half of Europe is catholic and the other part protestant (luther, calvin and anglo saxon) all other churches are considered as sects. When I were in the States I had never ever seen so many different churches in my whole life, baptists, methodists and I don't know what others. That's perhaps why everybody has to talk about the church all the time. Competition ! God has nothing to do with a church in my believes. And that's why more and more people never go to church anymore over here, because the difference between church and religion has become too big especially with the catholics. I don't know if I believe or not, the only thing I bother about is that people are loving, caring and helpfull to others. That's my religion.And really I do have to make an effort not to put some mocking comments in those blogs ! I hate everything which becomes fanatic. Live your life, do what you want to do and listen to the inner you that's the best thing you can do ! And, be happy that you had the youth you had otherwise you would have never become the woman you are today !

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