Sunday, June 24, 2007

Motherhood is easy and fun

Okay Sarah, I stole this idea from you..... yup, I'm a thief.

I keep telling myself this over, and over. It's a breeze! Being a mom is the best job in the world!!
It's so rewarding/fullfilling/heartwarming..... whatever.
Ya, and if I click my heels three times the Good Fairy will give me a million dollars.
More likely the Wicked Witch of the West will break out her flying monkeys.

Which by the way is my new saying:

"Don't make me break out my flying monkeys!!!"

Most of the time I feel like that green lady up there on the top, without the green makeup. That no matter how hard I try to be a good mother, I always end up coming across as the Wicked Witch of the West, or, is that Lebec...?

Sometimes I wonder why my kids aren't ax murderers or living under a bridge somewhere talking to their imaginary cat. That's not to say that they won't eventually....

With a not so great example of parenthood to draw from, my limits are constantly being tested. I determined before I ever had children to NOT raise them the way I was raised. No whippings, no verbal abuse, no yelling and screaming. Not making THEM be the parent while I had a breakdown. Well, okay on numbers one, two and four, but the yelling? Not so much..... I think my kids are ready to install a mute button on mom!

How do those people do it? You know the ones, they always maintain their cool, never raise their voices, never lose their tempers.
Personally I think they aren't real. Maybe they are super advanced androids, that's my theory anyway.

Perhaps it was just my week of having 5 teens in my home that brought this all on, who knew teenage girls could eat so much?? Or talk so loud?? Or squeal like that??

I don't know, it's my opinion that any mother who has more than one teenager living in their home at one time should get a 2 week paid vacation. Let's make the government pay for it. We'll call it "No Mothers In Institutions". Kind of like the "No Child Left Behind" program, right?
Only we get an all expenses paid vacation. With a "No children within 25 miles guarantee".

Sounds great, I'll start the petition.

Seriously, I have great kids, but they are 15 and 13, and even the best kids at those ages cause their parents to go bald. From us yanking out hanks of hair.......
Between the brain cells lost during pregnancies, and the hair loss from the teenage years, then the sleep deprivation when they start driving and dating, we'll all be senile, bald monkeys by the age of 50. Oh, joy..... something to look forward to!

I know, I know, probably my kids will turn out just fine despite my lack of perfect parenting skills. But until then, anyone gotta banana? What were we talking about????
*muttering* where's my wig............

Ha! Love you kids! :))
Mom

22 comments:

karoline said...

oh lawrdy, that was great, and you know what? you are not alone, the most important job in the world and you gotta wing it...fly by the seat of your pants...know when to fight, when to back down and when to apologize...there probably isn't a better lesson to be learned than parents aren't perfect...

hugz

k
:)

Mousie said...

yes darling, you aren't not alone...and whatever you do you do sensible things and bad ones...anyway we do our best don't we ? so...Freud said: "if somebody tells you he knows for sure how to breed children, don't let him take care of your kids" !!!
love to all
Mousie

dawn said...

Funny I feel the exact same way. They have learned to mute me. I hate me screaming but having them all as teens is driving me crazy. I often sign the song "You make Me Crazy". I think eventually we'll grow out of this and they will all marry and be very successful and have children that are just like them.

Chewy said...

"they will all marry and be very successful and have children that are just like them"

Most likely!

lorenzothellama said...

You seem to be doing ok to me. I sat in a train yesterday, listening to a mother berate all her children except the little monster who actually deserved it! The other three were good as gold, but every time one of them moved, they got yelled at. 'Sit Still' 'Don't do that'. 'Put that down' etc. etc. and really the children were doing nothing. All the while a two year old sat in his buggy and practiced screaming at the top of his voice. Mother just laughed. She then allowed this todler to hit her and do all manner of things that horrified the rest of the train. When they left a great sigh of relief went up.

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Jeez, I've just posted about needing a sabbatical from my brood, then I hoof it over here and find you here on more or less the same track!

Tell you what, let's sneak out the back door, (after raiding their piggy-banks, since we no longer have any dosh of our own), and high tail it to hole up in a cave on the beach - don't forget to bring your own firewood and guitar..

singleton said...

Oh I am smiling! Having lived through this, and then, worse, the "but I have my driver's license" stage...and then, the "why do you think the police are in front of our house?" era and the "why do you keep opening your window at night when I'm running the air...." and "is that a body in your bed or just stuffed clothes" episodes....I can tell you this,
It only gets better.....
thats why they call a Mother's love.....
"unconditional"!
Bless your little buns!

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

My mum jus has me and Dilly. Oh, an daddy, too. She sez he is like a 14 yr old boy most the time, and that's enuff fer her.

I definitly think mums shud get holidays. An Bears, too.

:@?

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Er, that's Bears shud get holidays, too.

Not mums shud get Bears, too.

Altho I wud never depryve yu. I jus assewm yu hav wun alreddy, or yu'd be compleetly bald by now.

:@}

dawn said...

Girl, where you been? Hope all is well Have a great weekend!!!

phaseoutgirl said...

Girl, I know what you mean, but aren't re our kids the most wonderful things on earth? Hehehehe.... I always say I look forward to the day they shall be on their own, but I think that will also be the saddest. My oldest one is already on her own in college, and my baby (gosh, she's 17!!) will not be far behind...

But life goes one... and you know, those very cool mums, I think they have other ways of letting off steam... I just don't want to think about it!

hugs,
Cecilia

Rachelle said...

Dear Karoline,
...... _________ .........
That's me flying by the seat of my pants, and wiping out in the middle!! Tee-hee...
Thanks for making me smile :))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dearest Mousie,
Well Freud sure knew what he was talking about huh?
I love you my dear, and treasure your visits :))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Dawn,
Ha!! I am sooooo, so glad I am not the only one!!
Here's to us screamers, may our shouts be heard by our seemingly deaf teenagers before we lose our voices!!
:))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Dar,
Ha....ha....ha..... *feeble laughter*....
One can only hope, one can only hope.....
:))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Lorenzo,
First of all, thank you for visitng! And what a loverly llama you are :))
Second,
Hear hear!!! I totally agree.
Parents these days seem to just not care anymore, perhaps that is why mothers like me try to overcompensate?? Ha-ha.
Do visit again, I look forward to seeing your handsome mug in the future!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Shrink,
I'm with you, somewhere tropical, and where everyone is blind, so they can't see me in my swimsuit!!
Ha!!!!!!!!!!!11
Loves to ya!
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Singleton,
I am running over to your place to pick your much more experienced brain!!!
Leave the back door open :))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear B. T. Bear,
Your momma is right!!!!
And personally I think everyone should have a bear too.
Someday I will introduce you to my Simba and Babaar :))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Cecilia,
Oh, you are soooo right!
I can't imagine my life without these two in it. I just love them beyond what mere words can express!!
*sigh* I guess it is all worth it in the end, huh?
And my soon to be 16 year old son still wants to live with mom for good!
:))
Slainte~
Rachelle

RD said...

You know that phrase "You're payin' for your raisin'" Well, I know my bill is coming due soon, and...eek, my knees are quaking! My kids are so fun and sweet right now, but only 3 and 4 months old: oh, do I have miles to overcome!!

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