Monday, March 09, 2009

Within


This Poem is copyrighted by: Rachelle Black 2009


This is a work in progress, I haven't found a way to finish it quite yet... but I will. Those readers who have found themselves in this particular place will get it. I would love some feedback!


There is a place I often go,
A place of sorrow, steeped in woe,
Where sunlight never dares to show,
I go

Into the depths, into the pit,
Into the wherenot I admit,
Cast I myself without all wit,
I sit

Within this place I often stray,
Where darkness winds its strands away,
A place of nevermore today,
I stay

I linger here I know not why,
Until the time of by and by,
Until there are no tears to cry,
I lie

There sit I under shadows in,
That place of tragedy within,
Ponder I the circus held therein,
I grin

A rictus strained, full of deceipt,
The abyss opens, then I leap,
Become I bundled, rag doll heap,
I weep

Torn and battered, upon the path
I drag my mind a leaving half,
Bitter, twisted, full of wrath,
I laugh

And from the corner of my eye,
A sliver paler than shadow I spy,
The darkness shreds, its tatters fly,
I sigh

This where I go, I must not tarry,
Or chained and bound my thoughts will marry,
While although shackled, the key unwary,
I carry

32 comments:

Helena said...

Beautiful. Very poignant, gentle. But also clearly saying what it's like down there. I know the place well, as you know.

Love the way each setion ends with two words... nice motif.

Sending hugs.

Catmoves said...

Rachelle, this is a must finish work. You can polish anytime, but it really needs to be completed.
I am waiting...

~slainte

Shrinky said...

Hello Sweetie, it's wonderful to see you in full creative flow, and I agree with Helena and catmoves, this really must be completed.

This is powerfully moving, Rachelle, I think most everyone has visited this place you describe at some point in their life, perhaps some more than others. Depression is the flip-side of joy, I doubt one can exist without the other, if you haven't experienced sadness, how can you measure happiness? (Well, that's my theory, for what it's worth.)

Big hugs, bonny lass, so good to see you back again. ((x))

i beati said...

We all need that place,but you have had a plate ful of late..Sandy

SarahA said...

On first glance, I am thinking how about kinda mirroring the first stanza:
'Sunlight never dares to show
In a place of sorrow, steeped in woe
This is where I often go'
Or something along those lines. Just an idea, you. Take or trash.
I think she is a lovely Poem though, very thoughtful. Well done, you.

SarahA said...

You said you were having trouble finishing her, that's why I offered my two pennies worth.

Rachelle said...

Dear Helena,
I knew you would get it completely.
When I wrote it, it came feverishly, fast a furious and the words just poured out.
Now the well is dry for a while as I attempt to write about the ascent. Which is, of course, the most difficult part of the journey.
But it's coming!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Catmoves,
Thank you my friend. I will, I am, it will be done.
Right now I am living in my car because my two teens are in a play 40 miles away that requires four days of practice a week.
And going to my mom's every other week.
So time is limited but I am constantly thinking about it.
I wish I had my little tape recorder still!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Shrinky,
Good theory. Sometimes it's hard to remember that when you are in the pit, but eventually it becomes clear again.
Next one I do will be without so many end rhymes- that's where I am stuck right now. I know what I want to say, but I am having trouble formatting this part of the journey into the cadence I locked myself into... Ha-ha.
Slainte my friend~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Sandy,
I am always so happy to see you here, I can fell your hugs through the many miles in between us. :))
Slainte~
Rachelle

Rachelle said...

Dear Sarah,
Good ideas! I haven't been able to sit down and enjoy your site yet, but I am looking forward to it!
Thanks so much for visiting.
Slainte~
Rachelle

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Nose hugs :@} thought of you today, when I saw something on TV about alpacas :@}

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Hullo agen!

I'm goin to hav a blog pawty this weekend to sellybrate my 500th post :@} wud yu like to pop by?

Festivitys kik off tomorro at noon UK time an larst till midnite Sunday!
Pleez come by!
Leev sum jokes in the comments sekshun ov Friday's post fer evrywun.

Weel be havin cayke, ginger beer, scooby snaks an a serprize speshul gest!!!!!

Pleez come it won't be the sayme wivowt yu!

:@D

david mcmahon said...

You speak for everyone, Rachelle. So very eloquently.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

very poignant and stirring...

ever hopeful

FFF x

Tarolino said...

A place described with such finess. Often it is just mundane. sometimes in turmoil but it is always there, locked within.

I do hope you finish this and i shall look forward to it.

Congratulations on today's POTD. It was deserved.

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Hullo Rachelle,

Thank yu so mutch for coming to the pawty! I hav given a speshul menshun to yor joke,- pleez come by an see! An if yu leev a comment abowt yor choyse ov prize I will send it to yu. Mummy sez she haz yor address allreddy from her Xmas card swap thingy :@}

Cheffie-Mom said...

Hi, I'm Debbie. I'm over from David's blog. This is a very powerful and touching post. Thank you for sharing.

Moannie said...

Here from your deserved mention on David's POTD and thank you for that view into depression...I am one of the lucky ones who can not begin to imagine how it feels, but I know someone who does...and this helped to show me. She tells me that there is almost a comfort in it's coming...because it is familiar, and it will lift and then she will be free again.

~Babs said...

The old pit we fall into sometimes, familiar to all.
It's a great work, this poem,,and of course you'll finish.
So good to see you back posting again.

Shrinky said...

Hello sweetie, just stopped by to give you a hug! (x)

B.T.Bear (esq.) said...

Jus nipt over to drop off sum nose hugs :@}

quilly said...

Oh, lord, I haven't been to that place in years, but I've not forgotten it! You describe it so well.

Rachelle said...

I am sorry I haven't responded to everyone, what a slacker I am!!

Thank you so much, all of your comments are just so wonderful I can't begin to express my joy.

I am working on the rest of this, I am going to have to change the form- maybe freeform I don't know.

Thank you everyone for visiting lil old me!! :))
SLainte~
Rachelle

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~ Slainte, friend...

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