Brain Freeze

You know, sometimes I stop to think....
then forget to start again.
-ALF

Icicle in 2004- and my Hally-Boo in full fleece in Spring

Okay, so I have strange heroes. I know I was supposed to finish writing the letter to my daughter for her birthday and post it tonight, but today's stupidity completely shut down the muse. (note: this actually happened on 1/14, but is just letting me post it now, go figure)

Today was yet another brilliant example of the human mind at work. It has been very cold at our house the last few nights. We were told it would get cold, we knew it would be cold, very cold. So we put our boxes around the standing hose bibs and pipes, and we made sure all the chickens and cats were in the house. Extra food for the pacas, and coat on my Mithril llama boy. Usually we get maybe three or four nights with temps as low as 18 degrees, but this was different. It was 19, then 17, then 15, then on this night it was supposed to get even colder. Strangely, it has been a very dry winter so far- so not even some really cool icicles for pictures.

This morning I got up to find ice making a lovely window frame in my bedroom.... on the inside.

So I go to check the temps and it is 10 degrees outside, and that is up against my house on the no wind side. Brrr!! I go to put on the teapot, no water. Okay, pipes are frozen. Wow, that has never happened here before!

I go outside to break the ice on the pacas water- can't. It's frozen about 3" thick. I go to turn on the hose, oh yea! No water.

So I think, I'm gonna have to boil a LOT of water so I return to the kitchen where I actually take the teapot to the sink again- but, alas, no water.... so I proceed to go outside again with the hatchet and break up the ice.

I come back in the house thinking, "Sure glad we all took showers last night for church!" and decide to make hot cereal. I get out the 10 grain and grab a pot and take it to the sink, Oh yea, no water!

I wake everyone up from their mummy bags (we only have one heater in the house and it's in the living room) and then, ** WARNING grossness here** you know that stuff that's in your throat each and every morning that you just have to hack up and spit out? You don't? What, you don't have allergies??!! Anyway, I go to hack in the sink where I can wash the offending goo down into the septic tank, I turn on the faucett- oops.... no water to wash said goo down with..... yuck.

Then I think, "Why don't I just brush my teeth while I'm here!" I dole out the Listerine and turn on the tap....Oh yeah, no WATER!!

Then I start getting the family up for church, and inform hubby and son (daughter is at granny's) that there is no water so time your toilet flushes accordingly. I consider making a 'flush chart' but decide to just tell everyone no flushing unless you need to go, well, you know.

In 5 minutes flat everyone has flushed away all of the water in the tanks. Oh boy... since there's no telling when the pipes will not be frozen, this could be a problem. (and later, it certainly is..... double yuck)

Sure enough when we return from church, no water. And, instead of my wishes for water when the pipes unfreeze, broken pipes. Hubby starts muttering about Flux and other technical stuff and takes a road trip to the ACE Hardware up in Frazier, where he joins the throngs of people desperately grabbing up all the pipe insulation in the store. He darts in, gets the last three tubes of insulation, and then has to lose the granny who is on his tail after it.

After ditching her in the paint section, where she gets momentarily distracted by a dazzling wall display of paint samples, he stealthily makes his way to the checkout counter where he is relieved not to find granny. He comes home with Flux (what the?? is my intelligent question) and said tubes and goes to work.

4 hours later, he gets the pipe rerouted and patched, turns on the water (where an electric heater has been defrosting it the whole time) and SPROING!! another leak.

Poor hubby, he is out there in the freezing cold with his bad knees and no end of cracked pipes in sight- I should make him a cup of hot chocolate! I go to the faucett..... oh YEAH!!!!!!

No water.

Meanwhile, I am thirsty- and I mean, powerful thirsty. And yup, you guessed it- no water.

Okay, I'll drink milk- no milk. I'll drink juice! No juice. In fact, there is at this time absolutely no liquid of any kind in my house except for tomato juice.

Don't get me wrong, I like my V-8 as much as anyone else, but it's thirst quenching capabilities are sorely lacking.

Soon the thought of my thirst is all consuming, I must have something to drink, NOW!

In sheer desperation, I break out the 1 gallon bottle of distilled water that's hidden way in the back of the pantry for, erm, I don't remember what.... triple yuck....

But I manage to choke down half the bottle in a single gulp.

Then, *fanfare please* my delightful hubby comes back in the house with icicles coming out of his nostrils, and announces- the pipes are fixed!!

I run to the kitchen put on the teapot, wash the dishes, brush my teeth, make hot cereal for the neighbors, do three loads of laundry, water the plants and drink a quart of water. Then we start making apple cider for the pacas.

Isn't it funny how we come to rely so heavily on modern conveniences? I mean, we really get it ingrained into our psyche. How many times did I go to turn on the water?? 10?? And I knew there was no water. Surely I don't have that bad of a memory.

What were we talking about??

I think everyone should go a whole day with their pipes frozen so you can learn what I did.... um, okay, so really you all should so you can suffer like I did.

Slainte~

Rachelle