Blue Christmas

Just a note to update everyone. Won't be here for a while because my Poppa just died...
:((

I am working on a Christmas post with pictures of all our snow and ice, but in case it isn't done before Christmas- Merry Christmas to all of you, my friends! You can read my Christmas story in the December 2007 archives if you want.
I love and value each of you!
Slainte~
Rachelle

What about Thanksgiving?

It's now November. Halloween is over and if you didn't know better, you might think Christmas is the next major holiday.

But it's not. Thanksgiving is. What happened to Thanksgiving? I know, I know, there aren't any twinkling lights and presents attached to it. Turkeys aren't as cute as elves, and Pilgrims are definitely a step down from Santa Claus.
Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, but what about Thanksgiving?

What happened to this holiday? It seems to have been lost in the shuffle. Redeposited where old outdated holidays go I suppose. Like Veteran's Day- when we used to have a parade every year when I was growing up. Like George Washington and President Lincoln's birthdays, now we just have "Presidents Day".
Like the Fourth of July is now just a day when we watch fireworks. Don't mention patriotism, don't you know... it's verboten.

I am thankful that I live in the USA. For the men and women who have died for my freedom. For my family members who have served, or are currently serving in the following armed forces: 2 National Guardsman, 1 Army Ranger, 1 Airforce pilot, 2 Navy, 1 Marine. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting yourself in harms way daily so that my family can enjoy the freedom we do.

Well, I for one want to remember this holiday. The Pilgrims came and settled here to escape religious persecution and to have the freedom to believe as they wanted without fear.
I am thankful for them.



I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father, who is kind and forgiving, and through whom all things are possible. Including, but not limited to, the miracle that is my sobriety.

I am thankful for my church, which provides me with the opportunity to meet twice a week with outstanding young women like these above. I am a young woman leader in my church and it has been my privilege to associate with these shining examples of our future, and watch them grow. I only hope I can learn all they have to teach me before I die.

I am thankful for the little things in life. Naps and cats, soft beds and food to eat. A roof over my head, and clothing for my children.

I am thankful for the beauty that is around us. For nature's dance that we are a witness to every day. For glorious color and diversity.

I am thankful for all of God's creatures, great and small. For the chance to have saved this Monarch and the opportunity to be a part of her glorious emergence from sleep into this winged fairy creature.

I am thankful for my family, who has saved my life on more than one occasion. For my daughter, whose grace and beauty still take my breath away. For her kind and loving nature, for her extraordinary courage which amazes me daily. I am thankful for her sweet spirit and for how she stands up for what's right- no matter the cost. And she makes me laugh, oh she makes me laugh...

I am thankful for my husband, see him on the right? He is like Chaucer- a trudger. He is the hardest working man I know. I am thankful for his willingness to do anything he needs to for his family. Including taking a job in the fast food industry at age 50 to ensure that we have food on the table. For his dedication and love to his oh-so-less-than-perfect-wife. I love you...

I am thankful for my son. That's him on the right with the nunchuks. For his strength, the way he makes me laugh until I cry, and for his valiant spirit. For the way he keeps going, even though the road is a hard one. For his incredible talent in music, and how when I am going through a difficult time, he will bring out his acoustic guitar and just play for me... all of the songs he knows I love.

I am thankful for my parents. I have learned so much from them, and I would not trade them in for the world. Through good times and the not so good times, I love my father. I am proud of my mother and her dedication to her temple work. I am thankful for her, and so glad she is in my life.

I am thankful for my dog. One look into his eyes reminds me just what unconditional love is supposed to be. For knowing when I need a hug, and for always, always loving me- no matter what.

And I am thankful for my friends. You know who you are. The ones who support me through the good and the bad, and the ugly. The ones who make me want to be a better person. I don't know what I would do without my friends I have in my life, both in my church and outside of it. I have been buoyed up again and again by their strength, their determination, their courage in overcoming what seem to be at times insurmountable challenges.

I have come to love and rely on those friends never met in person...

I am thankful for you!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Life's a dance, we learn as we go....

Hi there loyal readers,
Well, I am currently on cria watch, so I am pretty much Night of the Living dead these days. Not fully capable of functioning on a cerebral level. I thought I'd revamp an old post I did over a year ago when I first started blogging.
I really liked the premise behind the post, but thought I could do better. So, I managed to refresh it and here it is.
I hope you like it!

So I am just sitting here thinking about life. I know, I know, deep thoughts for such a... HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ANYWAY?!?! I can read your mind you know.

Anywho- as you know, I love pictures. I hate being in front of the camera, but would hide behind one forever. That said, I don't scrapbook, or have a million photo albums and I have no idea where all my kid's baby pictures all are, I just know there are a lot of them. I like pictures. Taking them and looking at them.

I can go to a total stranger's house and spend hours looking through their photo albums. Weird? Maybe. But there is something very magical about photos. Did you know that in some cultures people believe that to take a picture of them means you are actually taking a part of their spirit? Like a part of their soul goes into the picture, never to come back into their body again. I have read stories about those same people thinking they were marked for death after someone has not respected that belief and taken a photo of them anyway. And of that person dying not long after.
How persuasive are beliefs.

Interesting to me..... when I was a child, I thought that pictures could "see" me. Like the photo was aware of what I was doing, saying, etc... and I would not have any photographs in my room. Paintings were fine, but only if they weren't of people. People in pictures, I was sure of this, moved at will when no one was looking. I spent long hours wondering where they went and what they did when I wasn't in the room. This was long before Harry Potter and the moving, seeing pictures portrayed there in, but when I first read the book it made perfect sense to me.

Two years ago I lost my best friend. She was a wonderful person, a mother of 5 children, wife of 26 years, and she died very suddenly. Jane was, to me, the perfect wife and mother. She made me want to be a better person, and her countenance was dazzling. I can't recall any time when she wasn't positive- even when times were rough. -- sigh-- there aren't words to adequately describe Jane and how special she really was...... She was in the hospital having a stint in her thigh removed- placed there to catch clots after vein surgery- and the doctor punctured her heart accidentally. This was the first time in medical history that this had happened.
((WHY??))

When it came time for her funeral, there was a viewing.
I couldn't go.
simply. couldn't. go.

You see, I have a picture of Jane, and she is smiling. Smiling at me, every day... In those first few months when I fully expected her to walk in the door of the church we attend, when I picked up the phone to call her, before remembering that I couldn't do that anymore, I looked at her photograph, and my heart was lighter, even though it was still broken. I still miss Jane terribly, I still cry... although the dreams are less frequent of her waving at me and saying 'hi' like she is still here. This is how I will always remember her.

There is one picture I have of her playing a ring-around-the-rosy kind of game with a group of children. Her husband gave me that picture, and I thought it was a recent one. I found out though that it was taken almost 15 years ago. She looked exactly the same. Smiling, happy, radiant. I will remember her that way forever because of a photograph.

The power of photos is readily evident to me, for it seems in my life there has been much loss. Perhaps this is why photography has been so tightly linked to high emotion for me. When I was fifteen my 21 year old brother committed suicide. No one would talk about it with me, and I wasn't even allowed to attend the funeral. I had to deal with it on my own. To come to terms with the act, without any of the details or any explanation. My father couldn't even speak his name for years, and I do mean years afterwards. It was too painful for him. But here was I, wanting more..... So I cherished his last photo. He was smiling at me. He wasn't sad, or depressed, or on drugs or anything. He was just Jeff, smiling at me like he did when he was alive.
This is how I will remember him forever- because of a photograph.

This is not to say that all photos make me sad. I frequently look at a photo taken when my daughter, then only 2 1/2 years old, got caught inside a tomato cage. Cruelly, I made my husband keep her there while I ran for the camera. A priceless picture that makes me laugh every time I see it, the last time was just a few days ago, with Codi sitting next to me.



It invariably brings the evil eye on from my daughter who can't understand why I tortured her like that just for a picture. She doesn't get it- but she will when she has children of her own.

A picture I have of my son playing his guitar- such a handsome boy. At age 4 he got his first one for Christmas. He thought he would be able to pick up the guitar and play like Raffi on his first try. Little did he know as he was so discouraged after that first attempt he would become a virtual prodigy as a teen. Makes me fit to burst with pride and love. A picture of him with his face all screwed up in that impossible way only a one year old can while preparing to let loose a primal scream... I smile.

Wow, are those my kids? They are so beautiful!! Unbelievable that such children could come from me. Me who is so not perfect, and is actually very much lucky to be alive still. What a miracle.

One of me, in Hawaii in 1988. Young, and was I ever that thin??? I always thought I was fat and ugly. Wow, that was me. The lies planted in my heart at such a young age were truly that, just lies. I was beautiful.

One of my husband, in his leather jacket from Turkey, looking over the top of his glasses at me with that look... -- heart flutter -- back away girls, he's all mine :))


The problem is that some of us don't want to have our pictures taken. I am one of them, but I learned a most important lesson. See, we don't have a lot of pictures of my brother Jeff, and I only have a couple of my friend Jane. There are so many others I have lost and there aren't nearly enough pictures of them either.
Life is short, we are mortal, and the others in our lives go on without us.
I wish I had more....
We get old and cranky, we don't want our pictures taken and hide from the camera, we think it is not that important for crying out loud.
But....
If I can't have more time with those I have loved, then I want more pictures.

So get out there and get in front of the camera. I don't care if you are fat, old, or have a mustache (um, that would be the female persuasion type I am referring to here) I need more pictures, and so do all your loved ones.
Life is short my friends, take lots of pictures, and share them with everyone you love.
Pictures are indeed magical. Perhaps a piece of us really does reside in certain pictures after they are taken. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that is true.
See you next time.
Slainte Mor~
Rachelle

Happy Anniversary!

To Me!! Okay, and my husband :))

To my soulmate, the one who has loved me through thick and thin - that would be waistlines...

For richer and for poorer...... wait a minute, for poorer and poorer.

Through good times and bad,

Happiness and sadness;

Who brought me these lovely flowers.... second time this year, I am in shock! This from a man who in 12 years has given me flowers five times..... total....

He is finally getting it!! Huzzah!! :))

Who, even when times get tough, and we have had our share of tough times over the years, still makes me laugh, cry, and feel beautiful- although I don't know how he pulls that one off still.

Whom I love to just sit and talk with, for hours..... still.

Who is man enough to admit to imperfection. Who was able to take the terribly damaged child within me and make her feel safe and unafraid. Who helped me realize, finally, that not all men were predators.

Who took me in with my two little children after a horrible and dangerous failed marriage and made me feel worthy of love again. Then became the father my children never had. While putting up with my crazy ex and his death threats..... sheesh.....

Wyatt, I love you.

Happy Anniversary!

Let me esplain............

No... there is too much, let me sum up.
Okay, you may have been wondering, as Shrink was, if the lovely horde of teenaged girls kidnapped me from camp, and I was never to be seen again. Far from it actually!
I was indeed at a remote camp in the beautiful pines.......... where the wind sighing through the towering redwoods sounded like a sweet melody.......

Oh yea, did I mention I was crammed into a tiny cabin with 13 teenaged girls, all aged 13-14 years old? With 5 'youth leaders' assigned to our cabin as well???? Seriously, those bunk beds were reminiscent of 1800's soldier's barracks......
Yup.... I lived through it, I have the tee-shirt to prove it!!

It is simply amazing to me that on Monday I was terrified that the girls would all hate me, and by Friday we all loved each other so very much, and I miss them terribly!
They were wonderful, and I had a different name every day. Sister White on Tuesday, then it was Sky Blue, then Lime Green, then Rainbow, and Pink! It was so much fun. Even if I was really in such terrible pain, I wouldn't have traded that week for anything in the world.

Here are all my girls practicing our hula to "Brown Haired Girl" The theme of camp this year was "The Spirit of Aloha" and it was all about love, service and compassion.
If you look closely you will see me, way in the back. That would be for two reasons, one, I suck at the hula..... seriously, I can get the lovely hula hands to work beautifully. I can also make my hips and feet move smoothly...... just not all at the same time.

The other reason? I hurt my back so seriously just before camp. Sleeping on an air mattress for a whole week, hiking and climbing, hula-ing and just standing were torture. So, I was not exactly moving, er, well at all. I went to the doctor and she gave me big horse pills to take. Seems I have a huge muscle spasm all down the left side of my back. The radiologist summed it up nicely when she told me I was, well.... crooked. Ouch!!

When I came home I was so happy to sleep in my bed!! And, if you remember I was expecting a new paca cria while I was gone. I was sure she would deliver without me! But, she waited until yesterday morning at 4:00 am. And this is what we got.
A beautiful little girl! So, as you can see, I have been pretty busy since last I visited with you. I promise to write more soon, and I will get some more pictures of the lovely woods ready when next we meet.

Thanks Cameron for posting for me while Iw as gone! *waving at my son*

Till then my friends!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Once upon a deer...

Hey! This is Cameron here, posting for my mom, who's out of town.

This was originally posted in September 06. I added the picture of Lumpy & Liza Jane, how funny is that?? :)) He didn't know what to do, deer were what he chased off our lawn, not what belonged in the house!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay,
We live in one of the most beautiful places in CA I think, majestic oak forests dot a spectacular green landscape, er.... okay, so it's only green for about 4 weeks but the rest of the year it gives justice to the old "amber waves" phrase. It is clean & clear and the sky is blue. Did you know the sky was blue? After living in LA for a few years, I was beginning to believe in the 'blue sky conspiracy theory'.

Living in the country we have a different lifestyle than most folks. We have to really plan shopping trips as we live about 45 miles from the "real" shopping centers that feature such staples as Costco and Wal-Mart. We have dust, no I mean real dust- the kind that coats your car in one trip down the 2 1/2 mile dirt road we live on. We get to wake up to the sound of a rooster (wait a minute, did I just list that in the bonus column??) and eat fresh, free range eggs. We have clean air to breathe, and loads of room for the kids to run. It took a while before I didn't duck and scream the kids in from outside whenever we heard a gunshot. Out here it means target practice or hunting, not gang insanity.

We have neighbors, not the kind where you can see into their living room when you look out your bathroom window, but we do have them. We don't know all our neighbors, we are just too far away to be really neighborly. We have our share of oddballs, after all we live in the country, but we haven't heard the strains of Dueling Banjos yet. We have wonderful neighbors, and the kind you just learn to stay away from- not much different from anyone else I guess. When there is a crisis, like a fire- the chain goes into effect and everyone pulls together until we all seem to be sharing one big backyard. Pretty cool.

We see a wide variety of wildlife; deer, bobcats, the occasional mountain lion and bear... One day I was on my deck and there were three kinds of Finches feeding on the sunflowers I plant for them every year, 8 Hummingbirds in the big feeder, a pair of Bluebirds, a Mountain Bluejay, one Mourning Dove, a Towhee and a Woodpecker.... all right there in front of me! Totally awesome.

One Sunday evening it was a full house at our place. My friend from San Diego and her 4 kids were here and it was a joyous cacophony of sounds at our humble abode. I got a frantic call from one of my wonderful neighbors, one of their dogs had been found guarding a newborn deer near their back deck- very newborn. The husband was looking for the momma, but could we help? They had no idea what to do with this little one, and knew we raised alpacas, so we might have a clue. He searched to no avail- mom couldn't be found anywhere. Loth to leave the babe out there in the hopes that mom would just come back and find her (we had an annoying bear in the neighborhood) they didn't know what to do.

So hubby ran up there and picked up the wee one while I made a few phone calls to figure out what we could do. Through a wildlife rehabilitation place up near Fresno we were able to determine what needed to be done for the newborn. What do you know? She needed colostrum and goats milk, and what did we just happen to have on hand at that time? Just what was needed. Lucky for the little one we had a rare situation occurring on the ranch just then, a cria who needed additional supplementation, and what do we feed them? Colostrum and goats milk. Coincidence? I think not.

She was new, so new her umbilical cord was still wet. She was so small, unbelievably small....she was only 13" at her shoulders!! And she wanted nothing to do with that colostrum. I am sure we made quite the picture.... yeah laugh, I'd like to see you try to bottlefeed an octopus masquerading as a fawn..... I finally settled on feeding her with a bulb syringe (you know, the kind you suck the bogeys out of your kids nose with? This one was for just such an occasion as this though- let not your heart be troubled).

Before long she was following me around- we have hard wood and Pergo floors... this was a problem! Deer feet and slippery floors- never the twain should meet. We had to block off a section of the living room and put blankets all over the floor. Using two couches, a rocking chair placed on it's side and a piano bench the enclosure was finished. I spent the whole time laying in there with her because when I would leave she would try to follow me and cry. You haven't heard anything till you hear a newborn deer bleat- what a hoot! It sounds like a cross between a Nubian goat and an alien. She was promptly dubbed "Lil' Liza Jane" after an old timey tune my kid's band plays. Sweet lil' Liza Jane.....

Mixing small amounts of colostrum, milk and a little whole fat yogurt I fed her every hour and a half all night long. The next day we were to take her up half way to meet with a volunteer from the rehab center. He was going to take her the rest of the way to her new home.

During the short time that she was here, she touched my life profoundly. I had been witness to all kinds of wonders, assisted in many alpaca births, had kittens and puppies born along the way, and kids of my own. Bottle fed an alpaca or two and even some kittens long ago- but nothing was like this. This was a wild animal, right there in my living room! A precious gift and rare opportunity given to me. She worked her way into everyone's heart in my family, my daughter kept saying, "I can't believe we have a deer in our living room!" She was so cute, and affectionate. I never knew deer were very affectionate with their young, but they must be because she kept touching me with her cold little nose to reassure herself I was still there. Ginormous ears!! And those eyes.... wow. Huge, brown and green and rimmed with blue and so very, very, wise. Like an old soul was housed in that wee, new body.

When the time came to say goodbye, I thought my heart would break. Who'da thunk you could get so attached in just 24 short hours? Would she be all right? Would she live? The man I talked to at the rehab center told me they have about a 31% survival rate when they are rescued... 31%?? Forget that, I'll just keep her here and graft her onto an alpaca!! Poca could adopt her, she's short enough.... I could just see it now, visions of Liza pronking with this year's crias.... after all, they both bounce the same- she'd fit right in!

Then he told me that most of the time people find these new ones, then keep them for a few days, doing all the wrong things, feeding them the wrong stuff, and by the time the center gets them they are already mostly dead. He said this one was lucky, she found someone who had all the right things for her first day on earth. We knew her best chance for survival from then on was with people who were qualified to raise her, and where she would be with other little ones like her. He said they would make every effort to release her right back here in our own canyon when she was old enough.

So, we did the right thing and handed here over, though not without some tears shed.
We have pictures, unforgettable memories, and I sometimes feel the little wet and cold touch of lil' Liza Jane's nose on the back of my hand....
Thanks for visitin Liza, we hope to see you again some day when you're all grown up. Stop by any time sweetheart.
Slainte~
Rachelle

The road to peace.....

Starts one step at a time.

The weekend brought many tidings. We found out why the little preemie died. See, it's not too bad being a preemie, there are things you can do to help them continue to develop and grow, just like with humans. Sometimes they are just too early, but she was only 2 days outside the general 'safe time' rule so we wondered what went wrong. She was doing well the first two hours, but then she crashed. Why? Was it the feeding I gave her? Did she aspirate? Was it my fault? Was it a genetic problem?

Well, the necropsy showed a rupture of the umbilical artery. It would have happened the minute she was born, and she just bled to death. Not my fault. Not genetic- just a product of being too early. Relief? Um, a double edged sword.... Yes, I am relieved I didn't cause her death,

it was tearing me apart wondering.

Each alpaca on our ranch is known, each loved for their own individual personalities, likes and dislikes. Every year we plan carefully each breeding, then we wait a minimum of 335 days to see the results of our planning. When we lose a cria, it is completely devastating. Whenever we have a loss we wonder what happened, and I always blame myself. It doesn't matter that in each case it wasn't anything we did wrong- when you are Rachelle, that's what you do, you blame yourself.

As I go through my life, I try to take something from every experience- no matter how horrible, scary or tragic. Something positive, or what has been more likely in my life, a hard lesson learned. What I haven't learned yet, no matter the trial or tribulation, is how to find peace. Today as I visited with my girl, she taught me how to forgive myself for not being perfect, omniscient and for not having the power to resurrect the dead. She told me she still loves me, and doesn't blame me. By her kisses, her warm breath on my cheek, and by nudging me with her hip so I would scratch her itchy spot.

I think the road to peace is a long one- the journey difficult, and paved with obstacles that sometimes seem insurmountable. Today I am one step closer. Perhaps tomorrow I might take two steps back, but eventually- I will move forward again.

As our family spent the day together yesterday, I was reminded of how wonderful a happy day can be. It's been a long time, a very long time it seems since I had a truly happy day. Seems like such a simple thing! But as adults, we seem to complicate life to the point of absurdity.

We trivialize that which we should cherish, and insist on growing up too fast.

Laughing, sharing, making stupid jokes.... my baby brother brought me a copy of "Sesame Street Old School" and I watched, laughing and remembering taking Jamey into the spare room to watch Sesame Street while our parents argued, again. Stealing a moment of joy midst chaos.

Yesterday I let the child within out. The one who was forced to be grown up when she was eight years old, not allowed to laugh or be ridiculous. Who blamed herself for things entirely beyond her control and tried to 'fix' everything, please everyone. Now releasing her to play, laugh and be silly- without inhibitions. It was wonderful.

Jamey and my favorite chicken- Henny Penny

Left to right, front: My stepmother Karen, brother Jamey, and my dad.

Back: Daughter Codi, Jamey's girlfriend Giselle, son Cameron.

I think the fastest way to peace is through the eyes of a child. What do you think?

Slainte~
Rachelle

For Madriene

Wednesday night one of my dear friends died. While I am too raw to write all that she meant to me, as I have lain sleepless the last two nights and wept and grieved, I feel the need to express a little of what comes to mind when I think of Madriene.

A bright and cheerful Cosmos bloom- for her upbeat personality.

Bright spring peach blossoms for her ability to light up a room with her smile.

A rose, weeping in the morning dew- represents both all I have lost with her passing, and the hidden thorns which might be revealed when she was riled up.

Truly, I am simply flattened by this passing. In one week it will be the two year anniversary of my best friend's death.

I am undone.

Next week I will be gone to Kentucky, so while I will be checking in and reading, I won't be posting.

No one is allowed to die while I'm gone.

For my wild, bohemian hippy love child Madriene- I miss you..........

Photographs copyrighted: Rachelle Black 2007

Twas the night before Christmas..... reposted by request

and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring,
not even a mouse.....
well, maybe a mouse, and a dog or two.... and a few cats..... and a dozen alpacas...
Boy, what a racket!!!

Well, here it is 4 am my time and after telling the children they can't get up until at least 7 am, who is sitting here wide awake?? Mom of course! I am always too excited to sleep in Christmas day. I remember when my kids were little I would wake them up because I couldn't wait another minute!

Yesterday we made cookies and went caroling to some people who needed some Christmas cheer. My friend who is celebrating Christmas without her mom for the first time.
Our friend who by should have a baby in her arms this Christmas, but doesn't.....
People who need comfort and cheer this year. The peace that only the child who came can give, but I can give a hug, a shoulder, and some cookies.
I should be tired! I was tired last night! Then.....

I took the advice of my friend Plumpie Mousie, who reminded me that on Christmas Eve animals are given the gift of speech. So I went outside late last night to hear what they had to say.
It went something like this......

Hally- Boo: Boy, it sure is mild tonight, it's been so cold lately!

Osita: Yup, my arthritis sure kicks up when it gets cold like this, getting old really stinks doesn't it?

Hally: Old, what are you talking about? You're only 9 years old, you're a spring cria still.

Osita: Thanks Hally, but have you seen these white hairs lately? And Heathertoes sure is adding her fair share of them this year! That little girl is the bounciest cria I've ever had!

Hally: Yes, my little Rosie Cotton is quite the handful as well.

Angie the llama: Just be grateful you can have more crias! I only got to have one, but I love all of your's year after year like my own.

Osita: Angie, what would we do without you? You are the perfect Nanny Llama Momma!

Arwen: I can't wait for my new cria..... Hay!? What's that in the sky??

Fanny Bryce: It looks like a really bright light, wonder what it is?

Osita: Haven't you ever heard of the Christmas Star? It shines every year to remind alpacas of a special baby born a long time ago. He was quite the 2-legger so my momma told me....

Hally: Did he have an unlimited supply of alfalfa?? (interrupting with a gleam in her eye)

Osita: No, he brought something more precious than alfalfa....

Hally (interrupting again) Did he bring sweet feed and pellets??!!

Osita: (sigh) No Hally, I'm not sure what he brought exactly, but it makes our 2-leggers very happy this time of year remembering His gift. Whatever it was, it was sure something special, I'm sure of it.

Hally: Well, if you can't eat it, it can't be that special....

Osita: (with a knowing look) You'll understand when you get older.

(meanwhile the crias are off talking amongst themselves)

Heathertoes: So, who's the fat guy on the roof?

Rosie Cotton: Dunno, he sure has a cool ride though!

Little Boy: Wow!! What are those things pulling it??

Heathertoes: Those are reindeer (she says with a condescending air) my mom told me about them. She's the smartest momma ever!

Rosie: The fat guy must be important to have all those reindeer pulling him around all night, and did you see them fly in?? Cool beans!!!

Little Boy: Well, I could fly if I really wanted to. But, um, I don't want to right now....
Hay! What's he bringing us? Is that, is it alfalfa?!?!

Heathertoes: Yum Yum!

Santa: Hello there little ones, are you enjoying your Christmas Eve?

Little Boy: What's a Christmas?

Santa: Ho, ho, that's right! This is your first Christmas isn't it? Well, every year on this night, I will come and visit you and grant you one Christmas wish! So what'll it be young man?

Little Boy: Well, if I could sir, I would like my momma back, I sure do miss her....

Santa: Well my precious one, while I can't bring back your momma, I can grant you a look in my magic mirror so you can see her for a few minutes, would you like that?

Little Boy: Oh, yes sir!!

Santa holds his mirror up, and Little Boy sees his beautiful momma pronking and playing in the moonlight in a big green field with hundreds of other crias. She stops, looking out over all the babies, keeping a watchful eye on Little Llama Girl, and Fannie- they always seem to be off getting into trouble. In the distance, Little Boy can see a big, proud llama with a noble head gently herding some crias to the fold for the night.

Little Boy's momma stops and looks directly in the mirror. Little Boy can feel her gaze on him, filled with love, just like when she was here with him. After a moment, she turns and walks away to round up some wayward little ones.

Little Boy cries: Santa! Why did she leave me? How come she can't come back?

Santa replies: Do you remember hearing the story about the Christmas Star? About the little 2-legger born this night who came to save the world? Well, he's all grown up now, and sometimes he needs help with his flock where he lives.
Your momma was called to help, because she is a very good momma. I know you miss her, but she is helping other little crias who have lost their mommas and even their daddys and 2-leggers too. I know it's hard, but I promise you will be with her again someday.

Little Boy: (looks down and thinks about it for a while) Well, I guess it would be pretty sad to lose everything... at least I have my other momma Osita, and my buddy Heathertoes. And my daddy is right over there! Oh, thank you Santa for helping me understand.
If my momma is that special, I am really glad she can help... but I still miss her.

Santa: Then for your gift, I will grant you the opportunity to see her every year when I come visit, how's that?

Little Boy: Cool beans! Thanks Santa!

(meanwhile off in the boys pen)

Eclipse: (scoffs) I could fly better than that Dasher, I tell you!

Sandpiper: Can you just see my long silky locks blowing in the wind? The chicks would SO dig that!

Mithrandir: I would be the coolest flying alpaca ever!

Earendil: I think I'm gonna practice some more (leaps away getting some substantial air)

Eclipse: Yeah, but Santa would like me best cuz I'm white and he could see me better, I could lead the sleigh!

little Pippin: Wow, do you think Santa would let us pull his sleigh someday?

Faramir: No way lame brain, it's a reindeer gig.

Mithril: I'm the biggest here (says proud llama boy) so I would get to be in the lead, but I'm happy right here on the ground thank you very much.

(a scuffle breaks out and neck wrestling ensues.... the girls all run over to cheer on their favorite)

Santa: Boys, boys!!! Remember, it's Christmas! Here, how about this, even though you can't pull my sleigh, for your one wish I can grant you this, the power to fly for one night!

(all the boys are suitably impressed!)

And alpacas lift off the ground and take to the air.

Eclipse: This is harder than it looks (waving his front legs in the air while he tries to stay upright)

Mithrandir: I've got it! (as he goes into an uncontrolled somersault)

Faramir: Ha-ha! You look so funny!! (his nose hitting the ground)

Gil and Luxor have flown over the mountain in search of adventure.

Sandpiper: (upside down) This is not dignified at all..... but I bet my lustrous locks still look great, even if they are hanging the wrong way!!

Mithril: (on the ground sniggering to Santa) They never learn do they?
Santa: Machos, will be Machos.... that will never change my dear boy.

Meanwhile my little Osita is making her wish.....
Osita: Dear Santa, this year I would like some carrots for Christmas morning.
And precious 2-legger who was born on this night? If it isn't too much trouble, could you bless those 2-leggers who take care of me that I love so much? Help them to know we all love them, and appreciate all they do for us. Oh, and send them some alfalfa from me, okay?

So there you have it, Christmas Eve on the ranch. So if you looked out your window last night and thought you saw something out of the corner of your eye, it was probably a flying alpaca!

May your Christmas be a very blessed one. May you feel the love of those around you, and pay it forward, double.

I believe in The One who gave all for me, and He did it for you too. The least we can do in return, is love one another.

Love to you all!

Above pictures: Earendil and Lady Galadriel trying out for the Reindeer Games in 2004 Christmas Eve. And Earendil with The Ghost of Alpacas Past. Seriously, this was such a strange thing, air was clear, no fog or clouds, digital camera. We decided the ones we had lost came out to pronk with them this night of nights. As the crias would say... cool beans :))
Slainte~
Rachelle

A letter to my daughter

So little at Uncle Jamey's wedding!
Playing the fiddle at the Scottish Society Clan Picnic
On the whistle last year at the Scottish Games
Your "big brother" who really does love you :))

This is for "The Bug" Aka: Codi
From the day you were born, I have loved you. No, I loved you from the day I first knew of your existence, and probably long before that as well.

When I was pregnant, I got an ultrasound and they asked me if I wanted to know what I was having, a boy or a girl. I found out when I was pregnant with Cameron he was a boy, so I said yes this time too.
Afterwards, the ultrasound technician said, "I have no idea." and showed me pictures of your cute face with nothing identifiable. So I never knew! But I always thought I was having a boy. For whatever reason, perhaps because it would just be too good to be true- because ever since I was little I wanted one boy and one girl, I just knew you were a boy.

So when the doctor said you were a girl, and brought you up to me for a kiss, I just cried and cried. I didn't believe him at first! When he finally convinced me, I was just so happy I couldn't stop crying. When I held you in my arms that day for the first time, it was love at first sight. Since then I have been completely and totally happy. Labor was tough for both of us- 18 hours of hard labor and back labor from the very first contraction- and no dilation. Then the decision for a c-section. When they weighed you in at 10 lb 7 oz- boy was I glad!! I mean, big babies run in our family but you broke the record.

You are a wonderful young lady, a sweet and tender spirit that our Father in Heaven chose to entrust to my care for this mortality, and I am so very glad for the blessings you have brought into my life.

From a little baby, your nickname has been "Bug". Lady bug, Bedbug, Snuggle bug, or Stinkbug, whatever fit the moment, that was you. Always fair, always the peacemaker, you bring joy into my life daily.

I can't believe you are 13. It seems like just yesterday that you were going off to your first day at preschool! You have grown into such a beautiful young woman. Remember how we found you outside stuck in the tomato cage? (forgive me a wicked chuckle) Tee-hee

Your journey hasn't always been easy. The health problems you have experienced over the last few years would be challenging for an adult, but you have dealt with them bravely and I am proud of you. You are much stronger than you realize!

You are much more talented, lovely, graceful and wonderful than you realize as well. I am very proud of the accomplishments you have made in music and school. The fact that you taught yourself how to play the fiddle totally amazing. Your whistle playing skills have just blossomed and you bring a delightful element to your Celtic group.

Most of all, your innate kindness and sweetness is what I love. Never lose that, please. Humility, beauty in spirit, and a kind nature are characteristics sorely lacking in the world today. Remember, the world is full of vulgar, crude woman- be a woman of grace, the world needs more virtuous woman; just like in that talk you wrote and gave so well at church! "Her worth is far above rubies..... she stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yeah, she reacheth forth her hand to the needy.... strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.... she openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her." Proverbs

I love you my bug, and hope that I will live up to the honor of being your mother.
Love, Mom