pasture musings

Break out the Flying Monkeys!!!!

2011-09-05T14:41:00.000-07:00

So my blogging friends, have you missed me?! I have missed you~~ SO much!!

Many, many things have happened since last we conversed! I am going to start at the beginning, and it will take a few posts to get everyone up to speed :))

When last we talked, I was preparing for back surgery. In June of 2009 I took a fall, it was bad. I was walking up my deck stairs and I tripped! I was carrying a bag of goldfish in each hand, and I sprawled flat on my face! It was the second time I had tripped going UP a set of stairs. I couldn't figure it out, what kind of idiot falls UP the stairs?!

Well, as it turns out, that fall cemented the injury I had from the bad car accident in 2004. All total, I had seven ruptured discs from my neck to the base of my spine. I spent two weeks in an armchair recovering, and about a month after that I had to quit my job at the beloved Nursery I had been working at for a year.

I had been trying to manage the pain with Ibuprofen and muscle relaxers. I didn't want to take pain meds, but in September I finally broke down, went to a neurosurgeon and started pain medication, along with seeing a pain management specialist who gave me epidurals in my neck and back.

The pain management worked wonders in my neck and shoulders- where three discs are ruptured. It did absolutely nothing for my low back- where the remaining four discs were ruptured. I have Degenerative Disc Disease, arthritis in my back, and permanent nerve damage. It got so bad that I couldn't even walk without a cane, and couldn't walk more than about 20' before I had to sit down. I couldn't sleep, drive, sit, stand, walk..... it was really messing with my head, I became severely depressed, and I got to a place where I couldn't put it off any longer. It was time for low back surgery. The reason I was tripping was because of a condition known as 'neuropathy'. My left foot does not lift and set down right. It just flops around without any control causing me to trip! There was danger that if I just left it, it would become progressively worse.

A date was set! The plan was that on December 2, 2009 I was going to go in and have an L2-L3, L3- L4 spinal fusion. After denying the surgery the first time, my insurance company said yes. They also said yes to a four day hospital stay (they only cover three normally). I was going to be in the hospital for four days, then home with a walker and back brace. No physical therapy needed, just a gradual recovery at home, and ditch the walker in a week, ditch the brace in about three months. No big deal. Of course, this is me we are talking about, and since our family seems to have a very close, personal relationship with our distant uncle Murphy, things were bound to get interesting.

December 2 came, to the hospital I went! Starting the IV was difficult, apparently I was dehydrated, who knew? Surgery was scheduled to last three to four hours, and then voila! Finite.

Except..... surgery went over eight hours..... I hear I have very thick muscles back there! They were worried because I wasn't coming out of the anesthesia very well. I spent that night in ICU and had to have four units of blood, since I lost so much. All I remember was the nurse coming in and shaking me, telling me to breathe. Guess I didn't want to!

The next day, they started two new IVs, and I waited to get feeling back in my legs. Day two after surgery, still no feeling..... day four, I am getting a little worried. My feet are swollen up to five times their normal size, I can't move my feet or toes, and they are starting to curl under. there is no feeling at all in my legs from my waist all the way down.

My wonderful husband, bless his heart, stayed in Bakersfield 60 miles away from home, for the first seven days. He slept in his truck, because he got snowed off of our mountain. He wasn't eating, or getting enough sleep, and yet he was the one holding my hand and telling my I needed to have faith- everything was going to be alright.

On day six, I am a wreck. Being paralyzed, I couldn't get to a bathroom, so I had a catheter in. I was on so many medications, I couldn't eat. Day six I am hallucinating every night (they gave me Ambien, Dilaudid, Percocet, steroids, two antibiotics, another pain medication called Norco.... I don't remember what else. My doctor, who has been thinking the few extra hours had caused all the swelling and in turn, that was causing the paralysis, is worried... so off for an MRI I go. In the ambulance, in agonizing pain (can't move to get in a comfortable position).

The MRI was the key. It showed a rare "Arachnoid Cyst" on my spinal cord, under the protective outer lining, or 'dura', squeezing off most of my spinal cord, and causing the paralysis. It probably had been there for a long time, it might, or might not have been responsible for some of the pain in my back and radial left limb pain. On the last MRI done before the fusion surgery, it isn't seen at all. With my surgery causing this extra swelling from the long duration, it had irritated this cyst and caused it to swell to about six times it's normal size, thereby making it visible on the MRI.

Seven days after my original surgery I had a second surgery to remove the cyst. With the original surgery, I had an incision about 7" that had been closed using Dermabond. Needing to use the last 4" to open up and continue down, in the end I had a 12" incision that was stapled from top to bottom closed.

On day 10, I was transferred to a physical rehabilitation hospital and my long journey to 'relearn' how to walk began. I will tell you all about it in the next blog installation, I promise! :))

And now dear readers, I leave you to get off my duff and walk around, because my back hurts!

Loves y'all!

Rachelle~

Summer Sun Memories

2010-07-02T15:46:00.000-07:00

This is not me, but my daughter, who has been busy building her own summer memories for 16 years now.

Summer comes in greens and yellows, tinged in twilight blues and vivid orange sunsets. Beach sand between our toes and in our swimsuits, and the smell of Coppertone and chlorine in our hair. Hitching a ride all the way to the beach, or taking the bus. Transistor radio turned to KMET or KROQ, loud and proud as we danced on the sand in and showed off our suntanned bodies for the lifeguards. Huntington and Seal when we were new teenagers, Newport and Sunset, Trestles and La Jolla when we were older and wiser. Concrete pavement radiating waves of oven hot shimmer as we walked, to the park, to the stables, to anywhere and everywhere we wanted to go.

Lemons and peroxide to lighten our hair, and the ever present Slip and Slide. We had to move it to my front yard after my friend across the street got grounded for ruining her mother's front lawn.

Joey Starr -my pony getting a shampoo and groom while tied out to my garage door handle. Braiding his mane and tail and being flocked by envious neighbor children. No one else could ride him after I took him out, he would throw them off and race through the streets of our small town all the way back to the stables. I wish I could have seen some of those drivers eyes widen as he came tearing across a street in front of them!

Summers on Mohave Lake, Owl's Cove, innertubes floating lazily down the river as we step sisters all kept one hand on the next innertube and so on all down the line, the other hand drinking a swiped beer from an onobservant dad. Telling stories about boys. Mish-mush (my stepsister Michelle) and Rush-mush (me) rowing the small pontoon rowboat in circles because we had no idea what we were doing, dad laughing and taping us on the old recorder we would watch later on the pulldown screen in my stepmother's house, just so he could laugh until the tears rolled again.

That last summer river trip with my brother before he killed himself. He and his young son, laughing and smiling for the ever present video camera.... never a hint of what would come that December day. The trip we took after, me and dad and Jeff's young son, trying to hold all of us together with scotch tape it seemed, and failing miserably.

When I was young, we used to get strange phone calls at our house. They were all from women, often breathless with anticipation and mostly came in the summer. They all asked "Is John at home?" my mother would say, "I'm sorry, you just missed him!" in her sultry summer voice. Her name was Pat Morrison, as was John's wife. John Wayne that is. And living where we did, women always thought they had the right number. With no caller ID back then, my mother endured many such calls, always tickled pink and mysterious in her delight.

We hitched everywhere, immortal in our youth, oblivious of the danger, or part of the adventure? The last time my friends and I hitched a ride to the beach we were frightened for weeks. We had actually planned how we would get out of the car if the strange guy who picked us up tried anything. He stopped at a 'friends' house and was acting very devious. I was in the back with one friend, and the other was in the front seat. Debby would distract him by grabbing the keys out of the ignition, Lola would grab the guy from behind and I would catch the keys Debby tossed me and open the door yelling for help as my friends got the guy in that place where men would cry for their mommies.

When I was 6 years old my daddy built me a playhouse in the back yard, complete with windows, dutch doors and belly up to the bar like partition. He got me a pink refrigerator, oven and washer dryer. Chairs and a table- all pink of course. My mom took pictures of me and my reaction as it all came together, me and my basset hound Tixie hugging and squealing in delight. My swing set and slide were in the sand area next to it. Tixie used to climb up the slide and sit under the shader up at the top barking and howling at the next door neighbors as they played in the pool. Hot summer days were stifling in the little house which later became the home of "The Silver Starrs"- future famous singing phenomenons Sheree and Rachelle.

At the other end of the swing set combo was my favorite place to run and hide- an old tire swing on a rope. I would twist that thing up so tight it wound back onto itself. Then I would climb in, one hand holding the bracing rail on the swing set, and close my eyes. Hair flying, leaning back in exhilaration I would spin until everything swirled before my eyes and I forgot anything bad. Getting off and staggering around the yard dizzy as a daisy, crash landing on the lawn I would lie there waiting for the world to stop it's merry-go-round and my tummy to stop trying to leave my body via my throat so I could do it all over again.

Black fuzzy caterpillars by the hundreds, take them home and watch them tranform into beautiful butterflies! My tiny turtles Pete and Repeat swimming with my fat goldfish named Hamburger. Tarzan, mom's water turtle living large in his own huge tank. At one time we had 4 aquariums full of different kinds of fish. Beautiful colors all schooled together over turquoise gravel.

Sure could use that tire swing now, but tis only a treasured memory now, fading as time and life march relentlessly on.............

Ah, Summer

Holy Hannah!!!!!!!!

2010-05-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

I mean- Holy. Stinking. Hannah!!!!

I leave for just a little while, and my blog turns into Spamalot!!

Flying Monkeys, ATTACK!!!....................... well it was worth a try anyway.....

You know, you spammers really are silly. I mean don't they teach you how to spell? And when in this lifetime am I ever going to know how to read Korean? Or Japanese??

Oy.....

To all my loyal readers, I am truly sorry you were exposed to this, and to the new folks who left kind messages without any pornographic pictures or back links, I thank you.

There is a big story coming about me and my latest adventure, which includes the phrase "Rachelle learns to walk just like a big ol' 45 year old baby" among other exciting and life changing things.

Patience Grasshopper, all good things come to those who wait, and wait.... oh! Wait a minute, it won't be that long, I promise!

Love to all of you!

Slainte~
Rachelle

ps.... might take me a while to destroy, er, I mean delete all the spam. But Imma workin on it!

going... going.... gone

2009-11-13T07:07:00.000-08:00

Hi all,
Just an update for ya. I will be gone for a while, on December 2 I will be having some major back surgery, fusing 6 vertebrae and so I will be recovering from that for a while. I do hope all is well, and apologise for not being able to keep up my blog!
I just can't sit here that long right now.

So, see you soon and everyone have a super wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas! I will try to post my last year's holiday writings in a timely fashion, my daughter can do that for me.
Slainte~
Rachelle

Things that make me smile

2009-10-14T08:40:00.000-07:00

I originally posted this in 2007... I feel the need to smile again.

All photographs copyrighted by: Rachelle Black

Today I thought I would share with you some things that make me smile. I hope you enjoy them, and, perhaps something will bring a smile to your face as well!
Pay it forward.

My husband- because after 14 years, he still can make me laugh out loud, and visa-versa

Where we live- could we be any luckier??

Sunsets- because they show us each and every day that God cherishes us enough to paint us a new picture every evening.

Rainbows- need I say more?

Funny faces - tee-hee "O solo mio...." :))

Flowers- to remind me that there is beauty all around, if we take the time to see it.

ALPACAS! Remind me that we are stewards over all creatures great and small

And last but certainly not least- Children.

To remind us that within the heart of a child, is the promise of tomorrow. And to remind us to live in the moment, love without fear, and laugh- loudly and as often as possible.

Till next time

Slainte~ Rachelle

It's not easy, being green.....

2009-09-05T06:54:00.000-07:00

What part of "I'm PREGNANT" don't you understand????

Here is my Jemma, gooey from spitting off her prospective date.

Spitting you say?? What??!! Yup, alpacas spit --gasp--

There are many types of spit- it's how they communicate. They can't talk using an actual language, so they communicate through body language and, well, spitting. Let's sort them into categories, shall we?

1) There's the "you don't want to go there" fake out spit, where the paca looks menacingly over their shoulder at the other paca (who is usually sniffing under their tail) and lays their ears back. Sometimes this is accompanied by a 'pre-chew' as well, where they chew their cud rapidly to warn of impending projectiles. Usually the annoying paca leaves, but sometimes they persist, whereupon the faker then unloads on the annoying pest.

2) The "this is my space/food/shade/cria (fill in the blank)" air warning spit. This spit doesn't carry any green material, but is only air and is just a warning. But it does come with impressive posturing!

3) The "I'm 11 months pregnant, don't even LOOK at me full-on, full of green- can last up to 10 minutes or until all parties involved walk around with droopy lip and green drool due to excessive 'spittiness'- attack. This is my personal favorite. I have witnessed this every year as my pregnant girls get imminently due and these are pretty funny to behold. I can guarantee you I do not exaggerate when I say it can all start with an innocent look in the preggos general direction. Since alpacas are obligate nasal breathers, the smell from all that green causes the droopy lip and open mouth like the female above.

4) Then there is the "I'm pregnant" spit. You don't even want to know, believe me...

See, alpacas can be bred all year round, they ovulate regularly- and can be 'induced' by the actual act of breeding them. So, we as breeders do what we call behavior testing.

It goes something like this:

Princess to Die For gets haltered up for a date with Prince Charming for the first time and they are introduced.

Princess runs around, flirting and playing hard to get, while Prince tries his darndest to 'convince' Princess he's The Man by chasing her and orgling (the sound males make during this act) and trying to jump on her.

Eventually Princess decides he is the man of her dreams (or she just gets tired of running) and she drops down for a love filled interlude that ideally lasts about 20-40 minutes. Sometimes there are multiple females lined up outside the love nest, and that makes it really easy for us 2 leggers to guess which females are not pregnant, little hussies. :))

7 days pass and we introduce Princess to Prince again. We either get a repeat performance, or Princess spins around the nanosecond Prince enters the arena and blasts him full on in the face with really green spit. Prince can either a) retreat with his dignity intact, or b) continue to pursue Princess in the hopes that eventually his charm and his lovely baritone orgling will win her over. Usually he fails miserably and goes back to the boy's pen covered in green slime where he is greeted like a conquring hero anyway because, well, they are boys.

When we get continued results that end up with the female spitting off the male for 45 days, we ultrasound to see little Junior/Juniorette floating peacefully in his/her amniotic fluid, and then we resort to spit testing every 30 days until about 6 months to make sure the pregnancy doesn't slip. Roughly 345 days later, it's stork time.

Some females I have are as reliable as clocks. They breed once or twice, and then they spit and I know they are pregnant. I don't even have to ultrasound or pull blood.

See the picture above? That was my Jemma, who now lives in Texas. As you can see, she is pregnant in this picture! She was very reliable. So is my Osita. Never has to be bred more than once, even with inexperienced herdsires, and tells me she is pregnant very clearly.

I have never had to ultrasound her in the 10 years I have owned her.

Others, like first time maidens, are not as reliable. They may spit, then drop and continue to spit. Or, run and not drop, but not spit either. Generally first timers get a US on our ranch. By the second time around, they are usually more reliable with spit testing.

The humorous part in all this is the human element. I mean, we take the girls to the boys or however we are doing it this time, and then we monitor the ritual closely.
Well, some of my girls take it closer than I would like. They know me, and trust me, therefore when they are pregnant, they run to me to save them from the big scary Macho chasing them. I am sure you can see where I am going with this... I usually get green myself. It is quite comical, I'm told, to see me ducking and running from said harassed female who in her great desire to flee the pen forgets to turn her head to aim the spit his way, causing me to dodge the great flying green as I go. For the record, while it is only green food that is partially digested, it stinks, stains, and causes me to run around with my mouth open drooling, trying not to breath in the fumes too.

To let you know, my alpacas do not spit on me intentionally for no reason. Occasionally I am involved in a food fight, or domestic dispute through merely being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but the only time I have ever been spit on intentionally was while weighing a female's brand new cria (What are you doing with my baby???!!!) or giving a shot in the butt, and let's be honest, wouldn't we all like to spit at our doctor when that happens to us??

On to my Arwen Undomiel. It is fall 2006, and she is spitting, and spitting... and isn't pregnant. Last real breeding was 9 months ago, and we thought she was pregnant, but no, the ultrasound in August says, not so much.

Now Arwen needs a guy who doesn't get discouraged easily. She doesn't like breeding, and will sometimes spit even as she is dropping for breeding. Enter Luxor- he is a "yes means no" kind of Macho.
In very early August (4 days before the ultrasound to be exact) during a cool spell we had tried her again. She dropped for a breeding! Trouble is, it only lasted 5 minutes... tops. Then she popped up like a Jack in the Box and was done.
Now Luxor is potent, and he has a nice, er, um, "set" but 5 minutes is really not going to cut it. The actual time it takes the male to reach the right spot is pretty long, both in distance and in actual time, not to mention the rest of the act required for pregnancy to result.

So, come October we are thinking, she has got to be open still, and we start trying again in the cooler weather. She is acting so pregnant, and we are unable to convince her she couldn't possibly get pregnant from a >5 minute breeding. So we look over her behavior all year long, and consider she might have a retained CL making her think she is pregnant when she's not, and talk to the vet about using a hormone to dislodge it, but we would never do this without another ultrasound to make sure there isn't really a cria in there. The most common reason for being unreceptive, is pregnancy! Hearing horror stories about breeders who use Estrumate, thinking their female is not really pregnant, and then the next day finding a dead cria in the pasture were not needed for us, we know better.
So here we go for yet another ultrasound.... and lo an behold, she is pregnant!

Ah, the joys of being a breeder. The ups, the downs, the spits and misses. The sting of being wrong....... who knew what we were really in for 10 years ago? Not I.

The moral of the story? When you breed alpacas, wear rain gear and protective face covering, or risk getting covered in green slime..... um, nope, that's not it.......

When in doubt, trust your female and get an ultrasound, or, two or three. LOL, and yes, nearly immaculate conception is entirely possible.
Oh, and Go Luxor!!

Tune in next week for the "How to Drive Your 2-legger Crazy with False Labor" chapter. I laughed, I cried.... it moved me, and it will you too!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Alpaca gals for sale

2009-09-02T12:51:00.000-07:00

We know these gals are one of a kind, got quality, color and fiber? You can get it all here with these females.

Allow me to introduce BMAR's Lady Galadriel

With her cria standing proud
Her Poppa- Pacifica's Eclipse

At one year old

At 6 months old.

We knew she was something special right from the start. Good mother, plenty of milk and easy birther. Comes from a black dam- so there is color potential there! Her cria, a stunning white female, we lost at 10 months of age to a bowel impaction... :( She was outstanding- and of course, not registered yet.

ARI# 30369269 Born 2004, currently bred to Jazzman- ARI# 1091243- a gorgeous fawn male out of Dominator, a well known Canadian stud. With Acero Marka's Amazing Grace and Acero Marka's Jasmine as dam and granddam you can't go wrong with this breeding! Jazz also boasts Peruvian Guellermo genes. Jazz is a tall stately male with nice, fine fleece and excellent density and staple length. We are excited to see what Lady G. does!

Add her to your herd, packaged with the lovely lady below for only $9,000 through the month of September.

Allow us to introduce Hally-Boo

Grazing in 2009

In 2007

Showing off her new hairdo in 2004

Her second cria BMAR's Rosie Cotton

Her first cria BMAR's Fanny Bryce

This lady is the PERFECT foundation female.

Hally-Boo, ARI #847086

Born on Halloween 2001, Caramel color, super typey, and at 7 years of age still super fine. A totally easy keeper, never a vet visit for Hally in all her adult years.

Perfect conformation, and that head, it is to die for!

Hally is a proven mother of 2 gorgeous female crias. One dark fawn from our own BMAR's Gil Galad. And one black female who sold at one year old from our BMAR's Bilbo Baggins. Rosie was everything we could ever want in an alpaca. Dense, fine, amazing crimp and mom and dad's head.

Currently bred to Garemo- ARI# 1129274 for a fall 2009 cria. A gorgeous typey male out of Peruvian Guellermo, with incredible fleece. Seriously, this male has the whole package- staple length, crimp, density and fineness. A great combination.

Both of these ladies are due in November, and come with a breeding to one of BMAR's Super Studs next year. This makes this package a total of 6 alpacas, for only $9,000 for this month only!!

Contact Rachelle Black at wyattblack@earthlink.net for more info.

Black Magic Alpaca Ranch

Honesty, Integrity, Quality

Lebec, CA 93243

Goodbye old friend

2009-08-12T19:06:00.000-07:00

Saying goodbye...

People say, "It's only a dog."

"It doesn't have feelings like we do."

"It's only a dumb animal."

"What are you getting all worked up about? Just let it go."

They look at you, and they don't understand. Call you crazy, say you are just making up for not having children, or call you "the cat lady" or worse.

They don't get it. I used to try and explain it, try to get them to understand.

Now, I just pity them.

They've never known that kind of love. Unconditional, devoted, one of a kind love.

They've never looked into a dog's eyes and seen a glimpse of something much better than we are. Never judging, ever. Peace, kindness, trust and love unfeigned. No pretense, no act put on to look good. Nothing fake or insincere... just purity, goodness and a gentle nature that surely comes from a God given soul.

They say that because a dog will love someone, even if that someone is terrible to them, they must be dumb. I say it's because they believe there is good in everyone- they're just waiting for it to show up.

Of course, by now you know why I'm writing. Writing is what I do when I am in pain, when I am suffering grief and can't do anything else but cry and write.

On Wednesday I had to put down my companion of 10 years. Ironic that picture above of her and Diane our cat. Ironic that it's the two I've lost, both within a year.

We got Tequila from a man who was dating a friend of mine. He said he wanted to get settled in his new place, then he would come and get her. We didn't know anything about her, so we put her outside near a shed on a tie out. She seemed to be a pleasant dog, she was quiet and nice.

After the first bag of food was dropped off, her owner disappeared and we never saw him again.

Tequila's endless pacing and staring down the road at where his car had vanished were the last straw for me and in the house she came. One night, looking so forlorn at the loss of her owner I couldn't bear it, I invited her up on the couch where I was laying. She didn't want to get on the couch, she knew she shouldn't, but I managed to coax her up and we lay there together for hours bonding. That did it.

I soon found out what a wonderful dog she was, well trained- very obedient, Tequila became my dog, and I told my friend if her boyfriend ever showed up for her I would call the police, he didn't own a dog anymore.

Tequila quickly became a member of our family, she tolerated the cats, never went after the alpacas, and was all together perfect. My son Cameron loved her greatly. He would even greet her sometime before me after being gone! Excellent watch dog, always let us know if someone, or something was here that wasn't us.

She had two litters of pups from the boxer down the canyon who managed to get into her pen somehow and knock her up while we were gone one day. He used to sit on my porch staring onto the house and whining for her...

Everyone wanted her puppies, they were so good, and they went fast. After the second litter we had people lined up for more. One lady who had taken 2 of them brought them up several times to show us, and asked us repeatedly if we were going to breed her again. But we got her fixed. Perhaps even then the cancer had started, because the vet said her uterus literally fell apart in her hands when it was removed.

The greatest gift she gave me was one of her pups- my Fatty Lumpkins. You can see him in the silly hat on the left with his momma. He is the dog of my heart, and I treasure him. Without him now, I simply could not bear being parted from my friend.

He is grieving now, this 'dumb animal without feeling' cried Friday night while he lay next to me.

He looks for her... we look for her to come home. He paces, he whines, he lays on her bed- he would never lay on her bed, only on his- and he doesn't eat.

There is an empty place in our hearts and our home.

I feel blessed to have had this precious animal in my life. I am glad I was there for she who comforted me so often in my life, at the end of hers. To hold her head in my lap, and tell her how much she meant to me, and how I loved her. To look into her eyes one last time.

My darling girl, I miss you so. I will never forget you. Thank you for being in my life, I hope to live a live worthy enough to be reunited with you someday. Until then, wait for me....

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play.

There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. Her bright eyes are intent; her eager body quivers. Suddenly she begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, her legs carrying her faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face, your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life, but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together...

Author unknown

Wowza~

2009-08-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

It's been so long... where do I begin? Well, let's start at the very beginning (that's a very good place to start).
Been busy, Cameron graduated High School - YES!! Now he's officially a bum... :)) Until School starts in the spring that is. He will be studying music- but of course!

I am possibly facing some neck and/or back surgery- things have really gone downhill in that department. Moving on...

Downsized the ranch to 12 animals- still need to move a couple more- but I don't want to let anymore go!

Codi wants to graduate HS early, and has been taking BYU courses over summer- also she wants to transfer to a new HS... she hates this small limited one we have here and can't say I blame her. But I am not sure I am comfortable with her riding the bus 90 miles a day by herself to get to the one she wants to go to.... hmmmm. The jury is still out on that one.

I miss all of you, my friends, and want you to know that I think of you often, even if I don't visit or write.

So- thought I'd dredge up my very first poem, this one was published in a book of poetry- it is not as it was originally written, but my memory is not that great and I can't recall the first draft.

This was written first when I was in 8th grade- after the suicide of my brother. I had a wonderful English teacher, he thought he was reincarnated from Paul Revere's horse!! Seriously, he used to joke about it being the 'left front horseshoe'. He was weird, he was strange... he was just what I needed to help me sort out my feelings after Jeff's death.
He helped my tap into my creative reserve, and if I had managed to stay sober- who knows where my writing would have taken me?

Green Fields

He lies in green fields thinking about life...

he recalls how he had it soft when he was small.

now he's on his own with two kids and a wife.

as he listens to the birds sing he remembers it all.

His thoughts go astray,

to a time far away

when life seemed simple and love so sweet.

Now his wife is gone, and he's out on the street.

Cruel torments alone await,

he has learned the meaning of hate.

There's a gun by his head,

he wants to be dead.

He lies in green fields, thinking no more.

God has softly closed the door.

This is the way it was published- the original was a bit longer, but I don't remember all of it.

So,

Here's to you all my friends- a token- to let you know I am still here!

Slainte~

Rachelle

Happy New Year?

2009-05-18T14:35:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd recycle while I await brilliance- this one I liked and is from 2006. I know it's not New Year's day, but anywho........

Okay, so maybe it's because I'm older, or maybe it's because I don't party anymore, but to me, New Years isn't such a big deal.

I remember the first year I got sober in 1990, it was a hard year. Every holiday reminded me of drinking.... okay, every day reminded me of drinking, but holidays especially. Every year New Year and Halloween, Christmas and Fourth of July got easier without alcohol.

After I had my first child, I tried to celebrate New Years in a sober fashion. I went out with some friends after getting a sitter, and I sipped my sparking cider. By 9:00 pm I was face down in the quacamole- dead asleep.
Okay, so toddlers and late hours don't go together. I tried again with my husband when the kids were older. A sitter again, and out we were. Two adults, no kids, candlelight and good food.
we held out till 11:00 pm, then we both decided we missed the kids too much and went home. Personally I think it was just an excuse, neither one of us could hold out any longer without sleep.

When my children grew old enough to understand the concept of New Years Eve and midnight, we decided we were going to party all night long! Woo-hoo and pass the grape juice. This time I planned carefully, we were going to play board games and around 10 pm would watch videos until we could ring in the new year with Dick Clark- a new family tradition!

Everything went according to plan, for a while, the only problem is the last thing I remember was Cinderella washing the floor.... the next thing I knew I was pulling Doritos out of my hair the next morning and trying to figure out how chocolate chip cookies got into the VCR. It was then that I realized mothers don't need alcohol, they just need more than one child to keep life interesting.

So, I decided after that last adventure I didn't need a New Year celebration to bring on the new year, it happened just fine without me. So my hubby and I sleep like every other normal night, and my kids (who are old enough now to know better than to put cookies in the DVD player) are free to stay up without us. Besides, it is a dangerous night to travel, right? Heck, when we lived in Downey it was a dangerous night to step outside your door, you never knew when a stray bullet fired into the sky in 'celebration' was going to land in your head as it fell to the ground. Duh! What part of Newton's Law are you having difficulty with?? I digress...

Just when I have a good night's sleep all planned out, one of my friends reminds me about her New Years party. Okay, so I figure I can take the kids and the hubby, and we can skip out about 10 pm, right? No harm, no foul.... no way, her party starts at 10 pm..... and goes till 2 am.

Is she serious? What was she thinking?? Forget about me for a minute, teenagers out until 2 am? Does she realize how cranky they are already in the morning without adding 2 am into the equation? HA!!

Okay, lets sum up: It's 3 in the afternoon and I'm already tired. At 9 pm I will begin to yawn uncontrollably, and by midnight I can be found under a table somewhere out of the way sound asleep... not my idea of a good time. She told me to take a nap this afternoon. A nap, in the middle of the day? I am afraid I don't speak Klingon, that must be what you're speaking I tell her, because I don't understand you.....

Tomorrow my in-laws are coming. And my house is a disaster- except for the kitchen. Tomorrow we are supposed to be cleaning the house as a family. I can see it now......

I am up at 5 am to get a jump start on cleaning the house, and my body is punishing me for refusing to listen to it last night when it told me to go to bed at a decent hour. Being a Zombie however is not conducive to cleaning anything and I consequently make a half of an attempt to vaccum, clean the bathrooms and mop, but pass out on the couch around 9 am. The rest of the family drags themselves out of bed around noon, dirties up the kitchen I cleaned yesterday making breakfast, and my in-laws walk in the house at 1 pm to find four of the living dead inhabiting their son's messy house. Wow, now that is impressive let me tell you.

The weirdest thing of all is that I have suffered from insomnia throughout my life. So what, some nights I can't keep my eyelids open without toothpicks after 7 pm, and others I can't keep them closed without super glue..... what is that all about???

So, what to do? I mean, this friend of mine keeps the oddest hours, to her I am weird because we eat dinner at 6 pm and go to bed at 9. She eats dinner with her family around 9 pm and they stay up all night and sleep during the day. I remember the first time we went over for dinner, it was 10 pm before we sat down to eat. I almost passed out in the dessert. We certainly don't speak the same language... but she makes a mean taco, and I really love her. So, I guess we will go the the party, and the devil take the dirty house (and I mean that, if he wants it, he can have it) I plan on having a grand time.

Here is Gil Galad the alpaca- wishing you a Happy New Year in his own alpaca-ish way.

Have a safe and happy New Year, and take good care of yourselves!
Till next time,
Slainte~
Rachelle

Wildflower season!

2009-04-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

Time to showcase some of my favorite spring wildlfowers, okay, technically I guess 'peaches' aren't wildflowers but.... they are pretty!!

These photos are some of the hundreds of pictures I have taken over the years since living up here. I have so many it was hard to narrow it down but I thought I would post some of my favorites that have been seen here before, and some that haven't. I do have more I am hoping to put up in a 'part two' post later.

Hope you enjoy them!

This is a Wallflower. Not too plain is it? And hardy! This one is literally growing out of the moss in the middle of a giant boulder next to our road. They are seen on the hills in bright yellows and oranges.

No spring flower showcase would be complete without peach blossoms!

This is an Indian Paintbrush. I liked this one because it was taken the year after a terrible fire up in our canyon. You can see the striking contrast between the black, skeletal remains of a woody plant, and the green of new growth.

This is a Lupine, they come in blue and white, and blue as well as the purple seen here. They are all over the place, and I was well known by my neighbors after first moving up here by my fanny up in the air while I crawled on my hands and knees pulling up each and every one frantically before my alpaca girls got here. They are toxic and had sprung up literally two days before their arrival!

The Antelope Valley in 2003 (2004??)

Purple ...... hmmm.. for the life of me I can't remember what these are, and I can't find my book! I always call them "Jane's Flowers" because when my best friend Jane died a few years back these were EVERYWHERE on the mountain, never before or since has there been such a display. I gathered up enough to fill 15 vases for her memorial service. It was the very least I could do for her.

Poppies in the Antelope Valley. The road to nowhere....

Hope you enjoyed these!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Within

2009-03-09T19:03:00.000-07:00

This Poem is copyrighted by: Rachelle Black 2009

This is a work in progress, I haven't found a way to finish it quite yet... but I will. Those readers who have found themselves in this particular place will get it. I would love some feedback!

There is a place I often go,
A place of sorrow, steeped in woe,
Where sunlight never dares to show,
I go

Into the depths, into the pit,
Into the wherenot I admit,
Cast I myself without all wit,
I sit

Within this place I often stray,
Where darkness winds its strands away,
A place of nevermore today,
I stay

I linger here I know not why,
Until the time of by and by,
Until there are no tears to cry,
I lie

There sit I under shadows in,
That place of tragedy within,
Ponder I the circus held therein,
I grin

A rictus strained, full of deceipt,
The abyss opens, then I leap,
Become I bundled, rag doll heap,
I weep

Torn and battered, upon the path
I drag my mind a leaving half,
Bitter, twisted, full of wrath,
I laugh

And from the corner of my eye,
A sliver paler than shadow I spy,
The darkness shreds, its tatters fly,
I sigh

This where I go, I must not tarry,
Or chained and bound my thoughts will marry,
While although shackled, the key unwary,
I carry

alpacas for sale

2009-03-01T14:00:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of BMAR's Rosie Cotton, a cria produced by Hally Boo and BMAR's Bilbo Baggins- sold at one year old for $9,000- simply stunning...

This blog entry is serving as the sale page for Black Magic

Alpaca Ranch

Male Alpacas

Due to life difficulties, all males shown are being offered for free- to good homes only!

Mithrandir the Gray Pilgrim ARI# 30359963- silver, has criated in gray and rose gray, a big bold male, Mithrandir has some dental issues that stem from neglect as a teenager, but his crias have been completely correct. One of his crias can be seen below, BMAR's Heathertoes. Big, bold, beautiful- that's what his crias are.
$500 sale price SOLD

ARI # 510367 Luxor- fawn appaloosa with gray and rose gray spots, who has criated in rose gray, fawn and black, out of Peruvian Platinum.

Born on Valentine's Day 1999, this Romeo's looks may have faded with time, but he has proven himself again and again to us. Check out one of his crias below- BMAR's Light of Earendil.

A steal? You betcha.
$500 sale price- regular breeding fee $750- you do the math. SOLD

ARI # 821602 Pacifica's Eclipse- white, but just say that to his face- he has criated in many colors, maintaining his fineness over his 9 years. With Peruvian Aladdin and Accoyo Leon as his sire and grandsire, his potential has played out several times on our ranch and his babies are always the first to sell. Eclipse is one of the sweetest, most gentle alpacas we have ever had on our ranch. We breed for temperment, and he sure does fit that bill perfectly. And, Eclipse is conformationally correct in every way. Simply perfection.

$500 sale price - $1,000 breeding fee (see what a deal he is?) SOLD

What are we thinking?? Well, we believe in paying it forward. We have used these males to our benefit, now we would like to pay them forward at a price that is remarkable, hey, it's what we do!

BMAR's Light of Earendil ARI # 30369276

What can I say about this male? He is gorgeous. Long staple length with a fine handle, nice Vicuna like waves in his fleece, he tested at 21 microns at 4 years of age. Earendil is a completely correct redwood rose gray with an easy going personality. We are breeding him for the first time this fall (no fault of his own, we just have had lots of males!) and are looking forward to seeing what he will criate. Luxor- you done good!

$3,000 sale price- $750 introductory breeding fee

Faramir- sweet, unregistered SURI fiber male alpaca. Very laid back, County Fair favorite! Faramir is just a sweet, sweet boy. $300 SOLD

Al- rescue paca, white and gelded - fiber male, Al has a bit of an attitude, experienced owners are the best for Al.
$200 SOLD

Also we have Janus- brown and white male fiber alpaca $300

Easy to handle, and easy going.

FEMALE ALPACAS

For the same reasons as stated above, we will consider trade offers for hay or vehicles for all our girls

BMAR's Elbereth ARI# pending- a lovely yearling fawn with dark points out of a gray maker-Luxor- born 2007, with exceptional staple length and fineness, we see great potential in her, and it breaks our hearts to sell her. With an adorable face and inquisitive nature, Elbereth has a lot to give. Her dam BMAR's Arwen Undomiel can be seen below. Elbereth has great potential for criating in gray!
$3,000 SOLD
Elbereth's adorable cria face, how can you resist such cuteness and photogenic talents?

BMAR's Lady Galadriel ARI# 30369269- a white beauty- born 2004- comes with a breeding to Jazzman ARI #1091243- a fawn male out of Dominator, who is a well known stud in Canada. With Acero Marka's Amazing Grace and Acero Marka's Jasmine as dam and granddam, you can't go wrong.

Jazz also boasts PPeruvian Guellermo genes, he's Jazz's granddad! Jazz is a tall, gorgeous fawn male with nice, fine fleece and excellent density and crimp, with exceptional staple length. We are excited to see what Lady G. does next!

With incredible density and coverage. Galadriel is lovely, with great fleece that is still very fine. One of my very first true loves, out of my very favorite female, Lady G. is a ranch favorite, and we sell her with deep regret. Born to our dancing girl Osita, her personality is laid back and she is an easy breeder. Lady G is a proven dam, she had an absolutely stunning white female cria that we lost suddenly to an impacted bowel this year before she even turned one year old.

(and before we registered her, of course)
Lady G's lineage includes Pacifica's Eclipse, Peruvian Aladdin, Accoyo Leon and NWA's Anastasia.

Currently bred to Dominator son- Jazzman for a fall 2009 cria
$5,000

Hally-Boo- ARI # 847086- born on Halloween in 2001- huacaya
Caramel colored, super typey and at 7 years of age still super fine. A totally easy keeper, never a vet visit for Hally in all adult years.
Hally is a proven mother of two gorgeous female crias, one dark fawn, and from our own BMAR's Bilbo Baggins, was born BMAR's Rosie Cotton- who you can see at the top of the page!
Both crias have taken the best from Hally, with their fine fleece and typey heads. Hally boasts two perfectly unassisted deliveries and plenty of milk. She self weans her crias at just the right age, and that head, oh isn't it to die for?

Currently bred to Garemo- ARI# 1129274 for a fall 2009 cria, a gorgeous typey male out of Peruvian Guellermo, with incredible fleece, seriously this male has the whole package- staple length, crimp, density and fineness.
Great combination!
$6,000

BMAR's Heathertoes ARI pending- Huacaya- dark rose gray- out of a black dam (Osita) and silver sire (Mithrandir) Born June 2006, Heathertoes is a big, beautiful girl with excellent staple length and super crimpy fleece, that is extremely fine. Heathertoes has perfect conformation and she is big enough for us to consider breeding her this fall! Heathertoes fleece won first place at our county fair last year. Heather has the most unique fleece color, being a solid dark rose gray with no white on her body, she is really stunning.
Unbred: $8,000 bred to Jazzman, a Dominator son: $9,000 SOLD

BMAR's Arwen Undomiel-ARI # 30359956 Huacaya- black headed roan proven female.
Born on 9/28/00
Ever heard someone say, "She has a great personality!" That is Arwen, she is an 'old Chilean model' with the potential for great crias all locked in.
Arwen is the sweetest, most easy going female I have ever owned. Easily handled by one person, and breeds up to excellent quality crias very easily.
Her previous cria was a beautiful true black male out of our white Eclipse, and I am still kicking myself for selling him as a cria as a fiber male.... oy....
Arwen has her crias without any assistance, and has plenty of milk for them.
Bred to Garemo for a fall 2009 cria.

Questions as to her breeding history? I'll gladly tell you the story- email me!
$3,000 SOLD

If you have any questions about these alpacas, contact Rachelle Black at Black Magic Alpaca Ranch- wyattblack@earthlink.net References available upon request.

Prospective new owners will be screened, all of my alpacas will be going to good homes only!

Blue Christmas

2008-12-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

Just a note to update everyone. Won't be here for a while because my Poppa just died...
:((

I am working on a Christmas post with pictures of all our snow and ice, but in case it isn't done before Christmas- Merry Christmas to all of you, my friends! You can read my Christmas story in the December 2007 archives if you want.
I love and value each of you!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Farewell my friend...

2008-12-03T08:47:00.001-08:00

This is my friend Brenda.
This is her son, the light of my life and my little buddy, Levi. Notice the cheesy smile!
This was the last time I saw him in June, after his momma had been missing for a little over 3 weeks. He is at my house, and this is the only time he let go of me long enough for me to take a picture of him. The rest of the time he held my hand sitting right next to me on the couch as we watched videos and talked, or he sat on my lap. All 13 years of him.

Brenda and Levi came into my life like a hurricane eight years ago when I decided I wanted to go back to work in special education for the first time since the birth of my children. My daughter was in 1st grade then, and I wanted to be at the same school with her and to be able to bring in a little extra money at the same time. I had previously worked in the special education field for 20 years, all the way up to, and a little bit after the birth of my first child- when I decided I wanted to be home with my baby, and that getting my head bashed into the chalkboard was soooo yesterday.

Enter Levi. Levi is autistic, and my specialty in my career choice of special education was autistic children, especially those with aggressive behavior disorders. He fit that bill perfectly.
Tiny but powerful, Levi lived inside his head to the exclusion of all else. Full of anger and frustration that his limited communication skills would not allow him to express fully, he had already been there done that kindergarten thing, but it was decided it would be tried again here on the mountain and with a 1:1 aide. That turned out to be me.
Little did I know that my life would forever be changed by Levi and his mother.

The first time I met Brenda I recognized her as an alcoholic. I was able to see her with different eyes than most everyone else, as I am also an alcoholic- sober 18 years this past April. Most people just saw a drunk, I saw a woman who fought many demons daily. I saw a woman of courage and great strength who had to walk through a valley filled with traps each and every day. Someone who would do ANYTHING for her child. Someone who was lost, and had no knowledge at all that she was a child of God and that there was a father in Heaven who loved her more than she could comprehend.

To say that Brenda's life revolved around Levi would be the understatement of the century. As a single mother, Brenda was the hub of Levi's existence, and her reason for living. She loved him fiercely. As it is with most autistic children, Levi had trouble with self control. He was on the path to trouble with his hitting and slapping, and Brenda was the recipient of that all too frequently. Still, she stayed.

There were times in my career where I found myself forced to call Child Protective Services on a parent because their child was at risk for injury or abuse. That child would be healthier, happier and safer outside their home environment.

I knew that Levi would die if he were taken from Brenda, and that the same was true for her. They lived and breathed for each other, and their lives were richer for their relationship. They were like the earth and the sun orbiting around each other.

When Levi was in second grade, I wrote a book about him. It is called "Donny is Different".
Brenda was thrilled by it, and everyone who read it loved it. Levi was very intelligent, sweet, kind and very affectionate to those whom he loves, a very different kind of child from the typical autistic children I had ever worked with before- at any age. Capable of learning reading, and basic math, yet still super involved with self stimulation, prone to be extremely loud and to horrible tantrums, Levi was able to show impulse control- something most autistic children are not able to exhibit at all. Levi was mainstreamed all throughout his school time here with regular classes, and made many 'normal' friends who were kind and very accepting of him.

It was my pleasure to be able to work professionally with him from kindergarten through third grade, and to see him mature and completely stop any aggressive behavior and tantrumming.
To grow into a fine young man who can carry on a normal conversation with you, express himself fully and coherently, and whose loving personality and winsome smile can light up a room the instant he walks in.

Over the years I became close to
Brenda, and even after I stopped working with Levi in the school- he went on to the middle school up here and I stayed home with my daughter who was having health problems- Levi would come to my house once a week and I would tutor him. My children learned all about autism from Levi, Cameron and Codi both learned to love him. My daughter especially held a special place in her heart for him because they attended the same schools all through the years and she saw how cruel children could be and stuck up for him whenever she could.
We went to his birthday parties, exchanged gifts for all the holidays, and often we would just stop by and tell them we loved them. I advocated for him at IEPs and spent some time in his middle school classes so I could report back to Brenda that everything was indeed going well.

Brenda always said we were family, that I would always be a part of their lives, no matter where they went or how old we all got to be. She said that she told her sister- who was Levi's guardian in case something ever happened to Brenda- that I was to be kept in his life, always. That I was family.
We talked a lot, about everything. She was there for me through a whole lot of crap in my life, and I always told her how incredibly strong she was- and she never believed me. Always positive about everybody else and always self deprecating, that was Brenda.

Once she touched my daughter deeply by taking her into her room and opening her jewelry box, and giving many pieces of old and beautiful costume jewelry to her. She said "I don't have a daughter, so you will be mine and I'll share you with your mom from now on."

Last year she found love. It was a man who said he loved her, and who -more importantly- loved Levi. This was what Brenda had been looking for, she was beaming, and lovely in love. They moved out of their little trailer and into his house. She sold all of her belongings, truly believing this would be the last move she would ever have to make. Levi would have the daddy he deserved, they would be a whole family...
Things were strained but she tried to make it work.
Then things became abusive, and she moved back into her mobile home, and that was the beginning of the end.

This is my Levi in the third grade with his science project.

Now for the hard part and I apologise ahead of time if I am too brief and short on the whole story, it is very painful and I only hope that writing about it might ease that a little.

I said that the last time I saw Levi was in June. The day after this picture was taken he moved off the mountain and with his aunt.

In May, Brenda went missing.
Prior to this, everyone had noted a change in Brenda. I noticed she was more depressed. She wasn't returning my calls. Since the hard break up a few months earlier, she had vacillated between an "everything's gonna be even better now" attitude and being overwhelmed and frustrated, and then there was the sadness...

She went through a stage shortly after the break up where she was trying to figure out her life, Levi had her smoking outside all the time, handwritten "No Smoking In The House!!!" signs on the door, and Brenda was talking about getting sober. Having quit drugs already after a scary stint in rehab, I encouraged her- you can do it! It lasted for a while, and during that time Brenda looked for God. She looked in books, she prayed all the time, and she even asked me about my church. She had often said she wanted Levi to know about Jesus, and I had invited him to church many times, but to Levi Jesus was in his heart, and church was where you had to be quiet all the time.

Brenda invited the missionaries from my church to come and talk with her, and invited me as well to come. She said she saw what God was doing in my life, and she wanted that for herself. She always had faith that He was there, she gave thanks to Him daily for the many blessings in her life- what was missing was the personal knowledge that she was a highly valued daughter of God. That she had a divine purpose, and that most importantly, she could find redemption through Him.

I had great hope that she would find what she was looking for, but she couldn't.
She became morose, called me a few times crying, could I just take Levi for a while?
Then, I heard nothing from her for a whole month. Then came May, and she was gone.
That May day Brenda dressed up nicely, and got on one of our local transit buses. Everyone thought she was going to work, but later her friend found a note from her saying she just couldn't do it anymore.

In the note she said to take Levi to her sister, that she loved him with all her heart, and that she was tired.

She left a perfectly packed bag for Levi in her house, and her wallet and purse with all her ID in it next to the bag where it would be found easily.

She was last seen in a mini mart where she bought a turkey sandwich and a bottle of vodka.
People said she just took off, she had done it before- before Levi was born anyway- and she would be back.

Friends searched the mountains for her around where she was last seen without finding any trace.

I knew. I knew Brenda would never leave Levi if it wasn't for good. I knew....

A couple of weeks ago a hiker's dog found some remains near a secluded spot in the mountains with a spectacular view of the valley below, and the house where her dreams were dashed to bits.

Yesterday the coroner identified the remains as Brenda.
I haven't seen Levi since. I hear he is adjusting well. He had been told previously that momma was gone taking care of a sick friend. But he knew, as the months passed, he knew...

I remember that last day I saw him, how he clung to me and told me he loved me over and over- "I love you Mrs. Black- you're a true friend"
Brenda's sister has never contacted me, and I fear I may never see him again.

Brenda, I miss you. You were incredibly strong with the heart of a lioness.

Levi, I think about you all the time I miss and love you ever so much.

I need a new memory chip...

2008-11-25T07:55:00.000-08:00

The other day I went outside to check the pacas while waiting for my son to be ready to leave for school. I did this *knowing* I only had a few minutes before we had to leave. Just a quick check I thought.

I went into my girls pen and noticed that there was a bucket left in the pen. Took it to the garage (which is around the other side of the house) and went back out. Then I noticed they needed hay, fed them from the hay truck (which is back on the other side of the house). I played with the new cria, kissed all my girls, looked over the boys and thought about how it was time for me to get my hands on them and do a herd health day again, how time flies..... sigh

Then I thought, while I'm out here I should really rebreed Osita. Went into the house and actually was on the way to get a halter when I found my son standing there with his hands on his hips, tapping his foot and looking for all the world like an old Irish grandmother... "Where have you been?? I'm going to be late for school!"

Right I thought, school.

Then I got in my car and started driving him to school. I was thinking about how I needed to go to Bakersfield and pick up some of those rolls my mother requested for Thanksgiving dinner (that is unless I wanted to make some myself... hmmm) and before I knew it I was on the freeway headed towards Bako and away- like totally the opposite direction- from the school.

By the time we noticed of course, I was committed to the freeway unless I wanted to try and reverse all the way back up the on ramp dodging a line up of semi trucks that would put the 49'ers to shame for about 1/4 mile- no thanks.

So we had to drive the freeway until I got to the bottom of the Grapevine and the next off ramp which was about 2 miles further down, turn around, and drive 8 more miles to the high school.

Needless to say I had to be a little creative in my explanation as to why my son was late to school.

This is above and beyond the whole 'walk into the room and forget why you did' schpeel. Beyond also the 'why do I have my keys in my hand?' and the 'sure I can go to the movies with you today, I don't have anything else to do' (when you have that doctors appointment you have been waiting for three months for at that exact time).

Or, my personal favorite- the 'remind me so I don't forget that I have a conference meeting at 5:00' and your family dutifully reminds you 1/2 an hour before and you still decide that you need to go to the store, take a nap, clean the garage, fill in the blank.......... yup I have so been there done that one.

I'm telling you, my excuses are getting lamer and lamer, because who wants to admit - out loud at least- that they are losing the remaining marbles that are rattling around in their head?? Not I.

Hmmm... I wonder, is there anyone out there who is doing brain transplants? I'll be first in line when the time comes.

That is, if I remember.

Slainte~

er... what was my name again??

What about Thanksgiving?

2008-11-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

It's now November. Halloween is over and if you didn't know better, you might think Christmas is the next major holiday.

But it's not. Thanksgiving is. What happened to Thanksgiving? I know, I know, there aren't any twinkling lights and presents attached to it. Turkeys aren't as cute as elves, and Pilgrims are definitely a step down from Santa Claus.
Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, but what about Thanksgiving?

What happened to this holiday? It seems to have been lost in the shuffle. Redeposited where old outdated holidays go I suppose. Like Veteran's Day- when we used to have a parade every year when I was growing up. Like George Washington and President Lincoln's birthdays, now we just have "Presidents Day".
Like the Fourth of July is now just a day when we watch fireworks. Don't mention patriotism, don't you know... it's verboten.

I am thankful that I live in the USA. For the men and women who have died for my freedom. For my family members who have served, or are currently serving in the following armed forces: 2 National Guardsman, 1 Army Ranger, 1 Airforce pilot, 2 Navy, 1 Marine. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting yourself in harms way daily so that my family can enjoy the freedom we do.

Well, I for one want to remember this holiday. The Pilgrims came and settled here to escape religious persecution and to have the freedom to believe as they wanted without fear.
I am thankful for them.

I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father, who is kind and forgiving, and through whom all things are possible. Including, but not limited to, the miracle that is my sobriety.

I am thankful for my church, which provides me with the opportunity to meet twice a week with outstanding young women like these above. I am a young woman leader in my church and it has been my privilege to associate with these shining examples of our future, and watch them grow. I only hope I can learn all they have to teach me before I die.

I am thankful for the little things in life. Naps and cats, soft beds and food to eat. A roof over my head, and clothing for my children.

I am thankful for the beauty that is around us. For nature's dance that we are a witness to every day. For glorious color and diversity.

I am thankful for all of God's creatures, great and small. For the chance to have saved this Monarch and the opportunity to be a part of her glorious emergence from sleep into this winged fairy creature.

I am thankful for my family, who has saved my life on more than one occasion. For my daughter, whose grace and beauty still take my breath away. For her kind and loving nature, for her extraordinary courage which amazes me daily. I am thankful for her sweet spirit and for how she stands up for what's right- no matter the cost. And she makes me laugh, oh she makes me laugh...

I am thankful for my husband, see him on the right? He is like Chaucer- a trudger. He is the hardest working man I know. I am thankful for his willingness to do anything he needs to for his family. Including taking a job in the fast food industry at age 50 to ensure that we have food on the table. For his dedication and love to his oh-so-less-than-perfect-wife. I love you...

I am thankful for my son. That's him on the right with the nunchuks. For his strength, the way he makes me laugh until I cry, and for his valiant spirit. For the way he keeps going, even though the road is a hard one. For his incredible talent in music, and how when I am going through a difficult time, he will bring out his acoustic guitar and just play for me... all of the songs he knows I love.

I am thankful for my parents. I have learned so much from them, and I would not trade them in for the world. Through good times and the not so good times, I love my father. I am proud of my mother and her dedication to her temple work. I am thankful for her, and so glad she is in my life.

I am thankful for my dog. One look into his eyes reminds me just what unconditional love is supposed to be. For knowing when I need a hug, and for always, always loving me- no matter what.

And I am thankful for my friends. You know who you are. The ones who support me through the good and the bad, and the ugly. The ones who make me want to be a better person. I don't know what I would do without my friends I have in my life, both in my church and outside of it. I have been buoyed up again and again by their strength, their determination, their courage in overcoming what seem to be at times insurmountable challenges.

I have come to love and rely on those friends never met in person...

I am thankful for you!

Slainte~
Rachelle

my life

2008-10-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

This is my "Poppa" with my daughter, who is sporting an alpaca kerchief on her head. This was taken about 5 years ago at an annual family picnic.

Poppa is my step dad, he and my mom have been married 18 years now. This is how I would like to remember him. He is the sweetest, happiest most positive man I have ever met. He has not been my step dad since we were sealed in the temple with my sister and brother and mom as an eternal family. He has been ever since, my Poppa.

Spiritual and full of knowledge he willingly shared with others, he was a gentle, wise man. Before Alzheimer's disease claimed his mind that is. A greeter at Wal-Mart, he is recognized everywhere. Once my mom and he were on vacation in Idaho and someone recognized him! They said, "Hey! What are you doing here? You belong in Wal-Mart!" to which he replied, "Even a greeter needs a vacation once in a while!"

Known for his holiday hats, cheerful disposition and the time he stood up to a hooligan in the store (and got his back broken for his troubles), he retired after 15 years as a greeter in January of this year, and people still ask about him.

Now he is in a convalescent home, he doesn't know where he is, he doesn't recognize family, and he is sad and confused all the time. It breaks my heart to see him like this. It makes me angry that his life has been taken over by this insatiable disease. I wish- God forgive me- he would just die in his sleep peacefully so we don't have to see that horrible look of confusion and frustration cross his sweet face ever again.

He has been labeled terminal, there is a DNR order so the idea is he will be on hospice care, kept out of pain and comfortable until he slips away... but I wonder if this horrible disease will chain him to his mortal body long after his mind should be gone.

Poppa has a rare condition that is in the same family as Muscular Dystrophy, it runs in his family and a couple of his kids are suffering from it, it is known as the 'falling down disease'. Earlier in life it was okay, he just lose his balance and be okay. Later it came to be a great hardship on him and my mother. He would fall, couldn't get up, then mom couldn't help him get up due to her lack of strength, and this could go on for a looong time. So they devised a system- more about that later. Luckily this disease seems to come with very tough bones and extremely fast healing properties. Never broke a bone.

This whole ordeal has made me think very hard about how vital simple human kindness is. I have seen the best and the worst of human nature rear it's fickle head while my poppa has been a silent recipient of either.

One nurse at the hospital- happened to be the head nurse- downplayed the fall poppa took out of his bed (over the rails and off the elevated bed while we were out looking for hospice facilities) and said the bruise we saw was only from an injection site (he never got any injections in his hip) and then refused to acknowledge the incredible pain he was in until I got all Shirley MaClain on his butt when he then got on the phone and got the Dr. to give him some morphine.
He claimed poppa only fell to his knees. When we told him that's how he learned to position himself after a fall so mom could help him get up, he said NO, he fell only on his knees. How in the world can anyone fall out of a bed the way he did and possibly land on his knees???

Anyone who has dealt with an Alzheimer's patient knows that the state of confusion they live in can lead to incredible agitation. Add to that serious pain that they don't remember doing anything to warrant having in the first place and you are left with a wreck. Poppa went through a night of hell because of this.
This nurse treated poppa, and all who were concerned with him, like we were less than human.

Three days later poppa had a bruise that ran all the way down his thigh, complete with a rail mark, and bruises on his back. Gee...

When we visited several convalescent hospitals, we vacilated between hearing the shower scene from Psycho track upon entering, and seeing nurses that greeted every patient by name, and stopped to visit with each of them even while conducting a tour for us.

Rooms that were customized with portraits, stuffed animals, televisions and plush bathrobes and comforters obviously provided by loving family members, and those patients who were curled up into unimaginable positions and left to stare at the same wall, left for dead, in a room devoid of even the most basic human comfort by all whom they loved over their long lives.

It makes you wonder, really, it makes you wonder...

I worry about my mother, she is so fragile health wise, and this has devastated her. Poppa is her eternal companion, EC- that's what he affectionately called her. She is so far away from me, I feel helpless... I spent a week out there when Poppa had his heart attack, then I came home and was supposed to go back out there today, but I can't afford to right now, there is only $17 in the bank to last our family of 4 two weeks until the next paycheck. Is there anyone who understands how frustrating it is to have to be somewhere that you can't be? It makes me want to scream out loud.

This is my joy! My only cria for the year, born to my sweet dancing girl. She is big and beautiful and the first multi we have had born on our ranch in 10 years! Thank God for little miracles. She was born the day after Poppa's heart attack, and the day I was trying to get out there with the kids so we could say our goodbyes while he was fairly lucid. I told mom I could leave because she wasn't due until the end of the month, surprise! I came out and there she was. So I had to leave her on her birthday, after ensuring everything looked good with her an her momma. Then I was gone for a whole week...

When I came back it was to this healthy bouncing cria that weighed 16.2 lb on her birthday, and 9 days later a whopping 22 lb!! Wow, what a big girl! She is stunning, extremely dense and crimpy fleece, perfect conformation and her daddy's Peruvian stance and head. Perfection.

After losing two of my precious young alpacas, Narya and Quickbeam- aka: Little Boy, last month, this is indeed a blessing. Although, as she and her momma are all we will be keeping, aside from a few boys, it is a double edged blessing. Yes, we are forced to sell our herd of alpacas and leave the business officially. We can't afford to keep them, feed them.... it is a decision we have made against our hearts, but we need to do what is best for our precious alpacas. When you cannot care for an animal the way they deserve to be cared for, then it is time to let them go.

Heartbreaking........................................................................................................................................

This is Ella. You might remember my post that my beautiful Diane kitty went missing. Well she never came home. My sweet girl was with us for 10 years, and left us with a big hole in our hearts. Her independent attitude and 'Queen of the World' air are deeply missed. I still look for her and dream of her...
After some soul searching, we decided to adopt a kitty from a local rescue, and this is who we fell in love with.

It has been quite a few years since we had a kitty in the house... wow, she is the energizer bunny times 12!! We have had to 'childproof' the whole house, keep an eagle eye on the cleaning solution, and be as determined to keep her in the house as she is determined to get out! But she is a joy as well... small miracles...

So my friends, this is my life right now. Full of so much... I have an ulcer right now, and my neck is in constant pain due to all the stress and tension. Looking for a big miracle now...
Till next time,
Rachelle

The changing garden of Mister Bell

2008-10-13T08:24:00.000-07:00

All Photographs Copyrighted by Rachelle Black 2008

This title is a song by children's artist Raffi.
I love Raffi! Some of his songs are just wonderful, and this is my favorite one. It reminds me of my friend Linda.

Linda owns a plant nursery here in our small town, and I have been working there very part time since March of this year. She can grow anything, and specializes in native plants. I swear that girl can put a penny in the ground and grow a $$ tree~

This is a Tiger Lily

Since we live in a mountain area, it is important to Linda that we only sell plants and flowers that will grow in our special climate. She does a great job stocking tons of wonderful things! The nursery is spectacular, full of color and light. Native grasses delicately wave and riotous colors abound everywhere you look. It is a feast for the eyes.

This is a Lemon Sunflower

It is a great job to have, I get to water, transplant, prune and care for everything. We decorate the nursery according to the seasons, and I just finished designing and planting some "Pumpkin Pots" where I actually scooped out the innards of some pumpkins and planted some fall colored flowers! It was great fun, and they look awesome!

These are some White Cosmos

I also get to do a lot of color bowl design, and help customers design their planters and flower beds. I love to do this, and I am getting back in touch with my gardening soul.

This is a Salvia "Hot Lips" ha-ha!

Watering and being among the flowers, with all the bees and good bugs is good for the soul. I enjoy it a great deal, and just wanted to share some of it with you!

Enjoy, and see you next time!

Slainte~
Rachelle

The Interview

2008-08-03T08:19:00.000-07:00

All photographs copyrighted by Wyatt & Rachelle Black 2007

So, I am so busy right now I though I'd just repost this interview from my dear friend Shrinky, (you can meet her at http://www.shrinky1.blogspot.com/ ( I love you Girl!!)

I promise to write a new and, er, fascinating post real soon, in the meantime- here goes!

Slainte~

Rachelle

Carol: Hello bonny lass,

Where are you hoofing it off to then? No fair, you were only gone a little while back ago, I'm only just recovering from the last time you up and left (abandonment issues) . Any-hows, thought I'd try and pose a few questions to make your brain bleed. (And don't flip the finger at the computer, I can still see you, you know!) Alright, pretend you still smoke and inhale deeply, here we go..
Good luck, bonny lass, I look forward to a good read! x

1) A nice, easy one to start, to lull you in to a false sense of security. I know both of your children are very musical, but I am intrigued as to how they discovered such a love of Celtic music. Is it in their blood?

Here they are both playing the Irish whistle together. They both play several different instruments in their Celtic group.

Well, certainly it is on their blood! :)) I am a Morrison by birth, and have researched my family line for my da who is just figuring it all out! LOL..... but I have always loved Celtic music, I played the piano as a child, composition, theory, performing, the whole ball of wax.
I tried to expose both of them to many different types of music while they were growing up, and hence they both have very diverse musical tastes. Cameron was my first, and he showed a very early aptitude for all things musical. His nickname is "Velcro Boy" for his ability to pick up an instrument, hear a tune, then commit it to memory and go on to play it perfectly. Codi has had to work a little harder, but she has a very good ear and has taught herself the fiddle and the flute. No small feat!

When an opportunity came up for my kids to join a Celtic group while learning their new instruments at that time (Irish whistle and guitar), we jumped at it, and it inspired me to learn how to play the fiddle. Which I do, very poorly LOL!! The kids have been in their group for 5 years now, and have won several awards for their efforts. My daughter also sings in a classic rock group, and my son plays guitar and drums in both a classic rock group, and in his High School Drumline. They took second place in their division this year!
As they grow older, they are interested in branching out beyond their Celtic roots, but they still hold a deep love for the music. It truly is beautiful and touches their hearts. As their little Celtic group has sort of dissapated this last year, as a family we have committed to continuing our learning, with me picking up the Bodhran to accompany them.

2) Are both of your parents still alive? Together? Can you reconcile your childhood experiences with your mother as she is today - was she a different person then, was it her illness that made her do the things she did, or do you feel she still could have made better choices?

Wow, well here goes- but remember, you asked for it!! Yes, they are both alive still. They were married young, childhood sweethearts from a troubled youth filled with boarding homes and foster care. They had my sister, who is much older than me. Then they divorced, and married other people. My father had 4 children with Maureen, his second wife. Two of them were little boys who didn't live beyond two days. The other two were my brother and sister, Jeff and Cindy.
My mother meanwhile, had no children with Ken, but formed a lifetime friendship with him and his subsequent family that lasted through the years, in fact just last week Ken died, and mo mom was there for the funeral.
Then they both got divorced from their respective mates, and they remarried each other.
They had me, and then as a last ditch effort to save their failing marriage, they had my little brother.
When I was 11 years old and my brother 5, they divorced again. My father remarried a woman just 6 months later, who had 8 children........ go figure.
My mother had a breakdown, and didn't remarry until 1990, when she met my Poppa- whom I believe saved her life.
My father has apologized many times over the years for not being there when I was a child, and has tried to make it up, we have a very nice relationship now.

Whew..... so, there it is in a nutshell.

Mother was a very different person then from who she is now. She really didn't have the skills to be a parent, and then she was forced to be one alone for years. Combine that with her fragile mental state, and her drug dependancy and she didn't stand a chance. For many years I was angry, just plain mad. It wasn't until I got sober, and had my son Cameron, that I was able to get to a place in my heart where I could even have a relationship with her. And she certainly had a lot of soul searching to do herself when she finally realized just how screwed up my life was. I don't know, could she have made better choices? I think yes, and no. Sometimes when we are so sick, we can't do anything but keep our heads above water. But also, I know as a mother, we always have choices. No matter how mad I was, I made the choice NOT to beat my children. And to get help when I needed it.
So, what it comes down to is the fact that we can't change the past, no matter how much we might want to. All we can do is live for the future, and in my future there is a mother whom I love, and accept for who she is. And I am glad. We are still learning about each other, and every year the layers peel back to reveal new secrets that we then shake out into the fresh air, and then discard- never looking back at them again. It is the only way I have found I can go on with her.

3) How did your older brother's death affect you?

Wow, aren't pulling any punches are you? :))
Okay.... well my brother committed suicide when I was only 15 years old, he was 21. He hadn't been living at home for a while, he was in Utah. I got a call from my mother while I was at a friend's house, playing quarters as a matter of fact.... drinking Schlitz malt liquor and getting plastered. I came home to find my mother in the house with all the drapes pulled, pitch black. She was Jeff's "California Mom" and she loved him dearly, and had helped to raise him. She told me my brother had died. She didn't want to tell me how, but eventually she did. I was only told he killed himself with a gun.
For about 10 years after his death- I got no more information than that. I was not allowed to go to his funeral, to this day I have never been to his gravesite.
My father refused to talk about Jeff. He couldn't even speak his name. So I lived with a hole in my heart that couldn't even begin to heal until I was an adult and finally got all the details from my older sister, who couldn't believe I didn't know anything.
Already barely keeping my own head above water, this I believe, just pushed me under for many years. I wrote a poem in the 8th grade about him, but the undercurrents of loss and grief never truly went away.
There is other history there with him that I am unable to share with everyone, but suffice it to say, it only compounded the issues I had to deal with upon his death.
My mother, who at this time wasn't beating me much anymore but was totally unable to cope with me as a teenager, couldn't turn to my father (whom she had never gotten over losing) so she just shut me out completely. I had no one to turn to, so I turned to alcohol and drugs even more than I had before. I dropped out of high school to take full time ROP and moved out when I was 16.
When I finally was given all the bits and pieces of his life and the tragedy that he brought upon himself, I had to learn to forgive him. Hard to forgive someone who is dead. But I have, and I look forward to hugging him someday beyond the veil, and telling him that I love him, so very much.

4) You have a dear, gentle brother who lives with autism, and from reading both of your blogs I know how close he is to you. What impact has he had on your life?

Well, my sister and I tease him about being "The Golden Child" because he missed out on mom when she was completely out of control, but there were plenty of times I had to protect him from goings on in our home. I always felt like he was mine, I think that sense of responsibility started before he was even born. From the day of his birth I took him under my arm and as long as I lived at home, I took care of him and made sure he was safe from all the craziness as much as I could. As an adult I have been his advocate during many court procedures and fights he has had to go through to receive benefits due him. I guess I am a little overprotective :))
Jamey makes me want to be a better person. His kindness and gentle nature inspire me to desire more from myself. He helped shape me as a protector of those who who can't speak for themselves. Something I have carried on in my career choice through my whole life.
I can't imagine a world without him in it, or a world where he isn't exactly as he is.

5) If money were no object, how would you like to spend your life - you can by-pass all the charity work, we'll take that as read. AFTER you have saved the planet, what then?

hmmmm...... hard to think beyond saving the planet, you know me too well!!
I think I would live in the country, somewhere in Utah or Montana I think, with my family.
I would send my children to Juliard. Make sure my hubby never had to work again.
I would have every kind of animal I have ever wanted, and I would take in every stray dog or cat I could. Then I would be a foster mother. For infants born to alcoholic or drug addicted parents. I would love them, care for them, and if possible ready them for adoption. Of course, I would adopt all those no one wanted.
I would buy a house for my mother, brand new with everything she wanted. I would buy a house for my brother and Giselle.
Then I would send my dad to Schick to make him stop smoking...... kidding!
I would travel to Ireland and Scotland, and then stop by the Island of Mann to visit my dear friend there.
Hire a housecleaner!!!!!
I think that's enough, don't you? *wink*
Thanks for the interview dear, I hope you all enjoyed a deeper look into my sordid past -ha-ha-
Slainte~
Rachelle

Oy....

2008-07-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, who knew I would just fall off the face of the earth, huh? Raise your hand if you knew; anyone... anyone...?

I am here. There has been so very much going on lately, let me explain... no, there is too much, let me sum up:

Our first fire evacuation of the year

On the same day, my daughter had her 8th grade graduation

I started working at a nursery

My son was in the Shakespeare Festival on the mountain

We had our annual shearing, for which I was trapped OFF the mountain due to the freeway being closed

We are finishing up three 10 hour service projects for my daughter's church program

My chicken died

Mom's Summer Taxi Service officially went into business (to which I donate my services for- aren't I nice?)

Girl's Camp

My cat disappeared

My son got a job, for which of course, I provide further taxi service

I was turned down for surgery by my insurance

I went dark for a while due to some of the above

So....... I wanted everyone to know I was still alive, perhaps kicking... er, not so much- but still- here I am!

And I miss all of you, I have dropped in on you but haven't said hi a couple of times.

Love you, hope to write more very soon,

Rachelle

J.R.'s blog entry

2008-05-22T14:56:00.000-07:00

My name ia J.R.R. (as in Tolkien) and I am taking over this blog while we are in Utah at the National AOBA Conference.

You might be wondering who I am, well, I am an Etsy! I was created by Sarah at: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5550996
You can also visit her by clicking on the link to Hollywood Flake on the sidebar.
Sarah is creative, and as is obvious by looking at me, very talented.

I am an alpaca, and I thought that I would bring you an alpaca's perspective on conference, so here it is!

Here I am, on the Super Stud Raffle table, I think I should have been chosen, but I heard I didn't have enough ribbons..... yet.
Here I interviewed a brown suri. He was open about his hopes for winning a ribbon in the show ring. I wished him luck, and offered to trim his bangs for him. For some reason he got offended and walked away. No accounting for taste I guess.
Next I talked with a curious black huacaya male. He said he wasn't going to be in a show, but was here as a buddy alpaca. He was very nice and complemented me on my colorful fiber. Then he sneezed on me.....
Here I am in an alpaca pen..... all by myself.... alone...... *sniff-sniff* I see why they always bring buddies! It can get lonely being an alpaca at a show as large as this one. You are surrounded by hundreds of alpacas, but they are all strangers!

Well, I'm off to watch the auction! I'll be back tomorrow with more from nationals. Till then, remember- spit happens!!

See ya- J.R.R.

going away....

2008-05-07T14:16:00.001-07:00

A smiling suri alpaca from last year's conference

An adorable huacaya alpaca weanling last year.

Last year it was to Louisville Kentucky, same thing in 2006.

This year it is to Sandy Utah, for the AOBA National Conference. Alpaca Owners and Breeders Association that is.

Every year I am in charge of the Super Stud Raffle for a national non profit organization called- The Alpaca Research Foundation. You can see it here: http://www.alpacaresearchfoundation.org/

I am the Super Stud Raffle coordinator, and it is my job to gather the studs up, get all their info and get it all in for press time, coordinate email blasts, develop all the promotional material completed and in general, run the raffle. We sell tickets in advance, and at the event. I also am on the development committee and participate in other areas of the organization. It's lots of work, but I truly believe ARF is the best volunteer run organization for alpacas out there. We provide invaluable information for veterinarians, owners and breeders.

We find two of the best studs in the country, one suri, one huacaya, and their owners donate a breeding to them and we raffle off tickets for $50 a piece. It's a great way to raise money for the organization -which provides research data on a large variety of health topics, all camelid related- and lets even small ranches have a chance at some of the top studs out there, for only a small amount of bank.

We start this in about September, and the drawing is in May, and then we do it all over again!
So, I will be only here sporadically until after the 25th of May. Things get really crazy here at home while mom prepares to be gone for a week. The ranch, the kids, and the hubby all need to be battened down and prepared before I go! This year my daughter will be going with me again. I look forward to this time alone with my kids. My son was supposed to go this year since sister went last, but he is still recovering and is supposed to go to a concert at that time too.

So, I'll see you guys on the fly! Love you all!
Slainte~
Rachelle

As Women of God

2008-04-22T09:52:00.000-07:00

I would like to share something that my mother gave me. It was written by a man who is a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It made me start thinking... and you know what trouble THAT can bring!

Elder M. Russell Ballard

I received an outline called "A Woman's Lifeline" the other day that I can relate to because I've seen my daughters and granddaughters grow up, and I thought you might be able to relate to it also:

Age 3: She looks at herself and sees a queen.

Age 8: She looks at herself and sees Cinderella.

Age 15: She looks at herself and sees an ugly duckling (Mom, I can't go to school looking like this today!)

Age 20: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" but decides she's going out anyway.

Age 30: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" but decides she doesn't have time to fix it so she's going out anyway.

Age 40: She looks at herself and sees "too fat/too thin, too short/too tall, too straight/too curly" but says "At least I am clean!" and goes out anyway.

Age 50: She looks at herself and says, " I am what I am," and goes wherever she wants to go.

Age 60: She looks at herself and reminds herself of all the people who can't even see themselves in the mirror anymore. Goes out an conquers the world!

Age 70: She looks at herself in the mirror and sees wisdom, laughter, and ability and goes out and enjoys life.

Age 80: Doesn't bother to look. Just puts on a purple hat and goes out to have fun with the world.

The moral is, maybe we should all grab that purple hat a little earlier.

I love this! The other day after reading this, I had a revelation. It doesn't matter! All the crap, the hardship, the stress, it all doesn't matter. Because in the end it's all about you. Or, I should say, what kind of life you have lived. If you are wiser, more compassionate, richer in spirit, able to love completely and without reserve, serve others with fervency, cry harder and then are able to rejoice more fully at the end of the tunnel, you have lived a good life in all respect of the word.

Times are tough right now here. We are really struggling, and sometimes I just want to lay down and give up, or not leave the house.
I have desperately needed hope in the last few months, and it seems like hope has been sorely lacking.

Just last month my son was in the hospital with pneumonia. We had no insurance, and no money. He was seriously ill and really, he could have died if we had not caught it when we did.
It took every ounce of my strength to just be able to not lose it completely. How many challenges are we to overcome?? What does He want from me?? Does he want me to stop asking these questions??.... perhaps so. I am trying, really.

I don't know. I just know that there is some lesson to be learned here. I don't know what it is, or if I will ever learn it.... which brings mind (excuse my random brain) another tangent I'd like to take you on, come with me, it's guaranteed to be a wild ride....

Why do the good, kind, wonderful people like my friends Whitney, Char, and Jane die young, while the horrible, wicked and perverse live long- and sometimes even prosperous- lives?

Well I believe I have found some peace in this regard, those without God in their lives can say it's only my way of explaining things to myself so that I don't completely lose my marbles, and I'll let them... but I know better.

I think it is because we all have a mission in life. Before we came here, we signed on to it. We knew we wouldn't remember what it was when we got here, had faith that the answers would come if we sought them out prayerfully, and committed to striving to do our best to complete it before returning home, hopefully, with honor.

Those who are good, righteous, loving, kind and gentle- perhaps they have completed their mission, and the time has come for them to return to their Father in Heaven. I know I have never met anyone like Jane in my life. She was the only person I have ever known who was completely prepared to meet her God. She was a good person, a loving, caring, compassionate, practically perfect in every way woman.

Those who are wicked, perverse and unjust? Well, I think our Father in Heaven loves them too, and just wants to give them as much time as he can for them to remember....

Will we be held accountable for the lives we have lived while in this mortal existence? I believe we will.

I don't mean to get all preachy here, those of you who have been with me since the beginning know that I don't blast my faith with every post. But for the last 4 years or so I have been going through one crisis or another, and I'm still here. I'm still alive.

I haven't taken a drink or used a drug to get me through the day in 18 years come April 28th.

I haven't committed suicide.

I haven't beaten my children.

I haven't felt the need to perpetrate the heinous crimes committed against me as a child on anyone else, because "that's all I know" or whatever the current politically correct catch phrase of the year is.

This is because I truly have come to believe I am a child of God, and he expects the most from me.

So, when I ask myself, "Why?" I simply remind myself- I am a survivor, and perhaps.... just perhaps..... I still have a mission to fulfill.

Spring flowers!

2008-04-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

All photographs copyrighted by: Rachelle Black 2008 not to be used for any purpose either commercial or personal without written permission.

Thought I'd share some flowers with you all :)) Two of my favorites, Poppies and Buttercups- and a deer on the hill! I am having a lot of fun with my new camera, when I have time that is!

Enjoy!

Wordless, er... Friday?

2008-03-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Photograph copyrighted by: Rachelle Black- Black Magic Alpaca Ranch

Picture of the day

2008-03-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

Peach blossoms

Not blooming yet, but did I get pictures of my apricot blossoms that bloomed earlier this month? Nope.

Enjoy!

Spring!

2008-03-18T16:02:00.000-07:00

Spring! Wonderful Spring!

Sunshine and warm weather,

Spring! Wonderful Spring!

Grass couldn't be better!

Last week it was snowy,

the wind was all blowy,

but what do we care? Not a fig!

Cuz it's Spring, Wonderful Spring, Marvelous SPRING!

This message was brought to you by the ever green grass lovin' alpacas if Black Magic Alpaca Ranch, featuring Elbereth and Narya, with their back up (pun definitely not intended Lady G, but all we do see is your rump) singers/dancers Hally Boo and Lady Galadriel.

and all is right with the world

2008-02-14T09:08:00.000-08:00

I am so sorry to have taken so long to write a follow up for you all.

I wanted to take a moment and let everyone know that Cameron is fine! Well, he has migraines and is taking prophylactic meds for them now, but no visible tumors!!

Life it seems, has taken a giant swing at our family lately, and there are all kinds of challenges facing us at this time. I probably will be taking some time off from blogging for a while to get everything straightened up.

I wanted you all to know that I love you, and although I am feeling a bit rudderless without my ShrinkWrap I will still be around and visiting you all from time to time.

I am not gone for good, just gone fishing for a while :))

Slainte~

Rachelle

prayers and good thoughts please

2008-01-22T08:21:00.000-08:00

How do these things happen? One day, all is well and you are going about your daily routine, and the next it's like someone slaps you upside the head with a Dali stick and everything goes all melty...

This is eerily reminiscent of what my friend Shrink had to go through with her son.

The other day my son was at an eye exam because he snapped his glasses right down the middle. He is blind without them. He has had lots of headaches lately and actually went to his regular doctor for them a couple of months ago.
Things were not going well with the eye exam, and the doctor pulls me aside later by myself and says (I'm not kidding, this is just how she said it) "I didn't want to say anything in front of your family, but I think your son has a brain tumor."

Whereupon I asked her if she had children. After I pulled my fainted carcass off the floor that is.
That is NOT how you tell someone, not at all... but it gets better.
She told me she was writing out a referral for him to see a neurologist, and then pulled my son back in for further testing. I was thinking (while my daughter sat beside me and I tried not to lose it) how best to tell my 16 year old son the news.

When he came back out, he had his hood pulled over his eyes, and I could tell something was wrong.
She told him!! She went ahead and told him herself.

So, I had to comfort him while that precipitated me having to tell my daughter, and all of us trying to come to grips with this situation in the middle of LensCrafters, instead of the comfort and safety of our home...

Now he has seen the neurologist, and they are testing him via MRI and MRA and EEG and, and, and... all without health insurance I might add.

So, here we are. We have decided we will only freak out a little for now, until we know anything for sure. Once we know something for sure is wrong, we will throw an official freak out party with hats and everything.

Please remember Cameron in your prayers. And if you don't pray, just think happy thoughts for him.
Thank you very much.
Rachelle

I'm Ba-aaack!

2008-01-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

And a suri alpaca on a Christmas tree....
Barb and her new girls!

The family and the Christmas Tree of light

Wow, that was a serious trip through the looking glass....

Turns out my phone line was messed up, and that was the reason for everything not working properly.

There was a short in the line apparently... (story of my LIFE!!!) but it's fixed now!

Okay, the good news is that we sold two animals!! YAY!!!!! Congratulations to Barb Troje of Nizhoni Alpacas for her purchase of BMAR's Rosie Cotton, and BMAR's Heathertoes!

We also sold our suri male Sandpiper (looks just like the one on the tree) to Victoria Chaidez- congratulations!

I know Barb will take good care of my sweet girls *sniff-sniff-sniffle* she is a wonderful person. Sandpiper went to a home where he will be loved, and will get lucky too! Woo-hoo!!

Thanks to Barb, we got some breathing room! I am also selling two more, just so we can put more aside for savings. I am constantly amazed at how fast money slips through your hands... bills, HA! Wonder what would happen of we just didn't pay them?

Don't answer that....

So, anyway- thanks to a blogger friend who shall remain anonymous, (waves and blows kisses) we also received a nice gift for Christmas. Thank you my dear :))

We had a wonderful Christmas, Santa visited us and left presents for everyone- even me! People are so wonderful, this Christmas certainly showed our family that the spirit of Christmas is alive and well still!

We went to an absolutely stunning lights display that our wildlife museum puts on every year, it is very impressive, and we had altogether, a simply delightful Christmas. We were able to get some things we wanted, some we needed, and also, to give something to a few who in need as well.

Things always seem to work out in the end, and although we are now almost broke again so shortly after being 'in the money', I have no doubts all will be well.

Thank you to all of you who love us and support us, we love you too!

Happy New Year!

Slainte~

Rachelle

An Alpaca Christmas Story

2007-12-19T05:53:00.000-08:00

I know I posted this before. It was written by me in 2006 early Christmas morning, after a particularly tragic fall event, the loss of a beautiful, full grown Bolivian female alpaca. She just died, with no apparent reason, and the necropsy we had done showed nothing wrong. She left behind a gorgeous two week old male cria, whom we called, "Little Boy" for a long time, and who had a terrible struggle with grief and loneliness after his mother's death.

Little Boy is now BMAR's Quickbeam, is doing beautifully, and is in fact, the little white male shown in the Christmas parade with Rosie Cotton.

I hope you enjoy this Christmas story, and I wanted to let you know how much I love and appreciate all of you. You are such wonderful people, and my life has been truly blessed to have been touched by each of you.

Merry Christmas.

Twas the night before Christmas......

and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse..... well, maybe a mouse, and a dog or two.... and a few cats..... and a dozen alpacas... Boy, what a racket!!!

Well, here it is 4 am my time and after telling the children they can't get up until at least 7 am, who is sitting here wide awake?? Mom of course! I am always too excited to sleep in Christmas day. I remember when my kids were little I would wake them up because I couldn't wait another minute! Yesterday we made cookies and went caroling to some people who needed some Christmas cheer. My friend who is celebrating Christmas without her mom for the first time. Our friend who by should have a baby in her arms this Christmas, but doesn't..... People who need comfort and cheer this year. The peace that only the child who came can give, but I can give a hug, a shoulder, and some cookies.

I should be tired! I was tired last night! Then..... I took the advice of my friend Plumpie Mousie, who reminded me that on Christmas Eve animals are given the gift of speech.

So I went outside late last night to hear what they had to say. It went something like this......

Hally- Boo: Boy, it sure is mild tonight, it's been so cold lately!

Osita: Yup, my arthritis sure kicks up when it gets cold like this, getting old really stinks doesn't it?

Hally: Old, what are you talking about? You're only 9 years old, you're a spring cria still.

Osita: Thanks Hally, but have you seen these white hairs lately? And Heathertoes sure is adding her fair share of them this year! That little girl is the bounciest cria I've ever had!

Hally: Yes, my little Rosie Cotton is quite the handful as well.

Angie the llama: Just be grateful you can have more crias! I only got to have one, but I love all of yours year after year like my own.

Osita: Angie, what would we do without you? You are the perfect Nanny Llama Momma!

Arwen: I can't wait for my new cria..... Hay!? What's that in the sky??

Fanny Bryce: It looks like a really bright light, wonder what it is?

Osita: Haven't you ever heard of the Christmas Star? It shines every year to remind alpacas of a special baby born a long time ago. He was quite the 2-legger so my momma told me....

Hally: Did he have an unlimited supply of alfalfa?? (interrupting with a gleam in her eye)

Osita: No, he brought something more precious than alfalfa....

Hally (interrupting again) Did he bring sweet feed and pellets??!!

Osita: (sigh) No Hally, I'm not sure what he brought exactly, but it makes our 2-leggers very happy this time of year remembering His gift. Whatever it was, it was sure something special, I'm sure of it.

Hally: Well, if you can't eat it, it can't be that special....

Osita: (with a knowing look) You'll understand when you get older.

(meanwhile the crias are off talking amongst themselves)

Heathertoes: So, who's the fat guy on the roof?

Rosie Cotton: Dunno, he sure has a cool ride though!

Little Boy: Wow!! What are those things pulling it??

Heathertoes: Those are reindeer (she says with a condescending air) my mom told me about them. She's the smartest momma ever!

Rosie: The fat guy must be important to have all those reindeer pulling him around all night, and did you see them fly in?? Cool beans!!!

Little Boy: Well, I could fly if I really wanted to. But, um, I don't want to right now.... Hay! What's he bringing us? Is that, is it alfalfa?!?!

(STAMPEDE!!!!!!)

Heathertoes: Yum Yum!

Santa: Hello there little ones, are you enjoying your Christmas Eve?

Little Boy: What's a Christmas?

Santa: Ho, ho, that's right! This is your first Christmas isn't it? Well, every year on this night, I will come and visit you and grant you one Christmas wish! So what'll it be young man?

Little Boy: Well, if I could sir, I would like my momma back, I sure do miss her....

Santa: Well my precious one, while I can't bring back your momma, I can grant you a look in my magic mirror so you can see her for a few minutes, would you like that?

Little Boy: Oh, yes sir!! Santa holds his mirror up, and Little Boy sees his beautiful momma pronking and playing in the moonlight in a big green field with hundreds of other crias. She stops, looking out over all the babies, keeping a watchful eye on Little Llama Girl, and Fannie- they always seem to be off getting into trouble.

In the distance, Little Boy can see a big, proud llama with a noble head gently herding some crias to the fold for the night. Little Boy's momma stops and looks directly in the mirror. Little Boy can feel her gaze on him, filled with love, just like when she was here with him. After a moment, she turns and walks away to round up some wayward little ones.

Little Boy cries: Santa! Why did she leave me? How come she can't come back?

Santa replies: Do you remember hearing the story about the Christmas Star? About the little 2-legger born this night who came to save the world? Well, he's all grown up now, and sometimes he needs help with his flock where he lives. Your momma was called to help, because she is a very good momma. I know you miss her, but she is helping other little crias who have lost their mommas and even their daddies and 2-leggers too. I know it's hard, but I promise you will be with her again someday.

Little Boy: (looks down and thinks about it for a while) Well, I guess it would be pretty sad to lose everything... at least I have my other momma Osita, and my buddy Heathertoes. And my daddy is right over there! Oh, thank you Santa for helping me understand. If my momma is that special, I am really glad she can help... but I still miss her.

Santa: Then for your gift, I will grant you the opportunity to see her every year when I come visit, how's that?

Little Boy: Cool beans! Thanks Santa!

(meanwhile off in the boys pen)

Eclipse: (scoffs) I could fly better than that Dasher, I tell you!

Sandpiper: Can you just see my long silky locks blowing in the wind? The chicks would SO dig that!

Mithrandir: I would be the coolest flying alpaca ever!

Earendil: I think I'm gonna practice some more (leaps away getting some substantial air)

Eclipse: Yeah, but Santa would like me best cuz I'm white and he could see me better, I could lead the sleigh!

little Pippin: Wow, do you think Santa would let us pull his sleigh someday?

Faramir: No way lame brain, it's a reindeer gig.

Mithril: I'm the biggest here (says proud llama boy) so I would get to be in the lead, but I'm happy right here on the ground thank you very much.

(a scuffle breaks out and neck wrestling ensues.... the girls all run over to cheer on their favorite)

Santa: Boys, boys!!! Remember, it's Christmas! Here, how about this, even though you can't pull my sleigh, for your one wish I can grant you this, the power to fly for one night!

(all the boys are suitably impressed!)

And alpacas lift off the ground and take to the air.

Eclipse: This is harder than it looks (waving his front legs in the air while he tries to stay upright)

Mithrandir: I've got it! (as he goes into an uncontrolled somersault)

Faramir: Ha-ha! You look so funny!! (his nose hitting the ground)

Gil and Luxor have flown over the mountain in search of adventure.

Sandpiper: (upside down) This is not dignified at all..... but I bet my lustrous locks still look great, even if they are hanging the wrong way!!

Mithril: (on the ground sniggering to Santa) They never learn do they?

Santa: Machos, will be Machos.... that will never change my dear boy.

Meanwhile my little Osita is making her wish.....

Osita: Dear Santa, this year I would like some carrots for Christmas morning. And precious 2-legger who was born on this night? If it isn't too much trouble, could you bless those 2-leggers who take care of me that I love so much? Help them to know we all love them, and appreciate all they do for us. Oh, and send them some alfalfa from me, okay?

And there you have it, Christmas Eve on the ranch. So, if you looked out your window last night and thought you saw something out of the corner of your eye, it was probably a flying alpaca!
May your Christmas be a very blessed one. May you feel the love of those around you, and pay it forward, double.
I believe in The One who gave all for me, and He did it for you too. The least we can do in return, is love one another.
Love to you all!

Above pictures: Earendil and Lady Galadriel trying out for the Reindeer Games in 2004 Christmas Eve. And Earendil with The Ghost of Alpacas Past. Seriously, this was such a strange thing, air was clear, no fog or clouds, (no snow!!!) digital camera. We decided the ones we had lost came out to pronk with them this night of nights. As the crias would say... cool beans :)) Slainte~ Rachelle

Snow, snow....... SNOW!!!!!

2007-12-12T10:04:00.001-08:00

SNOW!!!!

Friday night, it snowed at our place, YAY!!!!!
Just a quick hello to everyone, and some pictures for you. I am so happy we got some wetness, no more fires!!!!!
I hope you can see the really pretty sparkles. In the dark, in the shady places along our road where the snow is still, it lights up with it's own dazzling show in the headlights as it freezes for the night.

The black and whites are my husband's work, I love them!
Till next time!
Rachelle

Christmas parade!!

2007-12-02T09:25:00.000-08:00

This is my advent calendar, for you Bob!

Okay, the more I sat and looked at my last post, the more I hated how I sounded like a whiner. I couldn't bear to have everything hanging out there- it's a little chilly when you bare your soul- so, it's gone! I will publish the photos later, because I do love them, but who wants to be all depressed at Christmas?! Not me. We have so much to be grateful for, that I cannot possibly even want for more.

That said, how about some Christmas cheer? Well, here you go!

Last night my kids and I took two of our alpacas to the local Christmas, Festival of Lights parade. It was a hoot!

Although, we were FREEZING!!! The weather was sooooo cold, I wished I were one of my alpacas, with their furry, warm coats!

Here are the stars of the Festival of Lights Christmas parade in Frazier Park! On the left, BMAR's Rosie Cotton. On the right, BMAR's Quickbeam. This was Quickbeam's second parade, and readers may remember him as "Little Boy", who lost his momma when he was only 2 weeks old. Here he is, doing just great, and showing Rosie how to be the perfect parade paca!

My daughter the elf, with the calmer of the two. The alpacas are always the crowds favorite, and we invariably lag behind the float in front of us because everyone wants pictures.

My son, the look on his face is because just prior to this, Rosie was doing her bucking bronco imitation! I have the funniest picture of them both with these priceless looks on their faces.... but if I published them I'm afraid I might never see my grandchildren, so use your imagination!! 2 teenagers who would rather die than look silly + out of control alpaca = priceless!

I hope you enjoyed this visit, and will come back again soon! Next issue, the Christmas Cat!

My mother

2007-11-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

My mom's "Millennial Teddy Bears"

This is going to be a long post, just thought I'd let you know upfront so you can run now!

Sometimes as we go through life, we are fortunate enough to learn important lessons along the way. Sometimes, they are lessons learned, sadly, too late.
Such is my life. Lessons I have learned have been both harsh, and illuminating.

The most important lesson I learned was how to love my mother.
My mother will be the first to tell anyone that she was NOT the best mother. She had a hard life, in and out of boarding schools, abused at a vulnerable age by her step father, and then abandoned by her mother when she refused to face the truth about the man she was married to, my mother had to fend for herself- something she was not good at.

Married young to my father, the both of them clueless about parenting, she went through life without the necessary skills required for the most basic of parenting. Not good at coping with stress, she took out her anger and feelings of helplessness on her children. My sister and I being the most likely targets. She is 14 years older than I, and when I was eight- she got married and left, never to return. I remember crying at her wedding, because I knew with her gone, it would be so much worse for me...

Often, I was jealous. Mom had these 'adopted' children all over the neighborhood who came to her for advice and love. I felt like I was really the adopted one. I was embarrased to have my friends over, and one time I lost a friend due to my mother and her behavior. Couldn't these other 'children' see it? Of course not, because she was a completely different person with them than she was with me.

Life in our home was hard, it was filled with anger, and frustration. My father left when I was 11 and my little brother was only five. He said that my brother's disability was too hard to handle. Then he married a woman with seven children...

My mother fell completely apart after he left. As if things weren't bad before he left, now there was no buffer between my mother and her children.
Jamey got the best of mom. For some reason, his disability brought out the best in her. She fought for him to receive a good education, and learned everything she could about Autism. Her energy was expended in a positive way.

When I was little, all I could think of was, 'what did I do?' when she would go off. I tried to be a good girl, and was meek and mild. After the abuse that happened to me at age nine, I was a different child. I started drinking at age 13, and by 15 was an alcoholic. It was a great way to get away from everything.

I wasn't exactly the perfect teenager, that's certain. I was wayward, and defiant. After I got big enough, I would fight back (never physically), I certainly was not going to just sit back and take it anymore.
I remember being terrified of my mother, even at age 16 she could get me to cower in a corner...

I left home when I was 16, worked full time outside of the home, and only went back home at age 18 for a place to keep my stuff.
Life was hard between my mother and I, and I blamed her for a lot of things. Certainly the physical and mental abuse was something we could never get over, and I resigned myself to the fact that we would never have a relationship beyond civility.

Then, I got sober. I got married shortly after, and got pregnant right away. Life took on a new perspective, and I realized I was going to be a mother, but I had no idea how to be one. I only knew I didn't want to be like my mother was. I took parenting classes, and went back to church.
But something was missing. It was my mother.

Long story short?
My Father in Heaven changed my heart, and He made it possible for me to forgive my mother over time, and to be able to reforge a relationship with her that at this time I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

Mom also learned some new things, how to accept responsibility, to not try and guilt me into anything, and how to heal some of her own wounds.

This is, needless to say, the highly abridged version of our relationship. Just to set the tone for my experience this past week.
Mom needed to have gallbladder surgery, and at age 76, she isn't the spring chicken she used to be. So I made arrangments to go and be with her to help her the Tuesday she went in. I was going to leave Wednesday, and come home. My daughter decided to stay with her to help her.
As I spent time there, I realized something profound. My mother is getting old.
She isn't going to be around forever, and there will come a time when I will not have her in my life anymore.

This scared me to death. I stayed until Thursday, then went home, crying all the way. Then I went back Saturday morning, and came home Monday, crying some more. I didn't want to leave her. She lives about 2 1/2 hours away, and with the ranch here, I am pretty tied down.
I am so glad I had the time to spend with her, and I can't wait to see her again.

While I was there, I met someone pretty special. His name is Teddy, and here is his story, as written by my mother.

Bears on a shelf in the "Teddy Bear Room"

Hi, my name is Teddy, and this is my story.

Where am I? The last thing I remember, I was sitting on a pretty pink bed, playing with my little girl. Then things changed fast. People came in the middle of the night, and I heard the words, "very sick, hospital" and my little girl's mommy was crying.

Several days go by, there is a big black car outside taking my girl's mommy and daddy away. The house is very quiet for a long time, I have no one to hold me or love me. The next thing I know I'm in a big box with my friends. We all used to play with my litle girl. Now I am in this strange place with all kinds of different toys, but my friends are gone.

I hear words like, "Sell all the toys, and everything else." So I wait to see what selling us meant.

A little boy says he wants to buy a train, laughing, he went away with his train. A little girl says she wants a doll, her mommy bought it for her and she was laughing.

Now I understand! We were here to make people happy! So I sat up straight, as straight as my bent legs could be, and I waited, and I waited. All around me toys weregoing home to their new families, except for me.

The next thing I knew, I was at the bottom of the pile of toys, standing on my head! No one could buy me while I was upside down, they couldn't see how cute I was!

Then I felt something pulling on my leg, I heard, "Hello Teddy, what are you doing under all these toys?"

I got a big hug, and my new mistress said, "I have never had a teddy bear before. Now I do, because you are going home with me.

Now the lady squeezed me again, then she laughed! And I said to myself, I like this, I could get used to this loving very easily.

We got into something called a car, and she said, "You are going to be my co-pilot now, and we can be with each other all the time."

I have been her friend, and her companion, and get hugs just about every day, and I have a permanent place on her bed. And the best part is I am giving love to a lonely woman, cause my new mistress is 76 years young!

I have been all over the place with her, for 25 years! I have loads of new friends, here are some pictures of them, they have their very own room, called the Teddy Bear room. But I get to sleep with mommy! So, I heard about this B.t. Bear Esquire, and I thought I'd share some pictures with him. There are several 'not-a-bears' who live here too, but our bearyness is rubbing off on them, I can tell!

If you look close, you will see how my legs are just perfectly porportioned so as to sit on my mommy's hip and hug her. Perfect!

Here I am surrounded by my new friends in the bear room!
One of the beary nice shelves.
Mr. Genteel Bear.

I hope you enjoyed my story!

I love you mom, and I'm glad you were a lesson I learned- before it was too late.

Love,

Rachelle

I give up...........

2007-11-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

All Photographs copyrighted by: Rachelle Black 2007

Here's Narya, all better! She says thanks to all of you for keeping her in your thoughts and prayers :))

I apologize for being out of touch for so long. I know it can be worrisome when someone you care about disappears for a while...... after a major crisis..... hmmmmmm- that really does sound bad, doesn't it?
Sorry! But I've been very, very busy. You see, I have been busy being severely depressed. You'd be amazed at how much time and effort that takes!

Hiding in my house, eating 12 meals a day and not talking to anyone, it's extremely time consuming.

Playing the PS-2 and escaping from reality have been my forte for the last few weeks. I mean, In & Out is a great job for teenagers, but not so much when you have a family of 4.

Hubby still doesn't have a 'real' job, and no money can certainly play tricks on your mind.

Take for instance the following: haunting dreams of being homeless, having to sell all of our socks to pay for groceries, reading by candelight to conserve energy, and forcing your kids to buskie on the street corner with their instruments and an old hat just to make ends meet.

Looking at all my beautiful alpacas and wondering how long I will be able to keep them....

But all that's behind me! I have decided just to no longer be depressed! It's that simple.

Want to hear my new weight loss plan? Well, you know all those starving children in China, er, or was that Africa- I'm going with Africa, that's what mom used to say- anyway, I am going to box up my extra poundage and ship it over there! They can use the extra weight, I'm helping myself, and some needy kids at the same time. Good plan, right? I haven't figured out how to get the pounds off of me and into the box yet, but don't bother me with details, eh?

And job shmob, who needs it? I'm going to make a fortune selling my sparkling personality! I am sure if I can just figure out how to bottle it up, we'll be rich, rich, RICH!!

***heavy sigh***

Who am I kidding, life's a bleak as these photos, well, except for this one. However, the latest in bleak moments occured when my son turned 16 this October. See http://pasturemusings.blogspot.com/2006_10_01_archive.html and read the "I am so old...." post I did about his birthday last year. And I thought I was old then, HA!! Little did I know.

Tonight, my son goes on his first date. I think....... I'm going....... to die. Date?!?! When did he get old enough to date?? Wasn't he playing with Thomas the Tank Engine just last week?!?!?!?

Hard and fast rule around here, no dating until you are 16, then only in groups until you are 18. Great, he is raring to go now! They are going bowling with some other teens. Even if mom still has to drive them, it is still, officially, The First Date.

When did this happen? Did I blink or something? Because I have not blinked in, oh, about..... oh crap, 16 years. That's how it happens, you blink- and they are grown up. That stinks.

But my son? He's wonderful. Smart, funny, and oh so talented. I love him!

All manicness (wow on that word) aside, I am okay, really. And.........

I think I'll take a lesson from The Lump and Jack here, after all- there's a lot to be said for just snuggling down with a furry friend and letting the storm blow over.

Slainte~

Rachelle

California is burning- new updates

2007-10-26T11:08:00.000-07:00

I am correcting some things and updating this on 10/27/07 I am sorry I didn't write this all (this whole post I mean) sooner, but we have been under a tremendous amount of stress lately.
Here is our state from space. This picture was taken October 24th I believe. In blue, that's where we are. The red are active fires burning at the time of the picture. In yellow I approximated the area where two more have started.

None of the photos in this blog were taken by me. Whenever possible I have included photo credit.

For the last two weeks, I, along with the rest of California, have watched and read with shock and horror the tragic events that have been unfolding in our beautiful state.

Somewhere, here in our very midst are evil people.

People who's only thought is to cause mindless devastation, and inflict tremendous danger on their fellow men.

To me, it is unimaginable that one human being could be capable of causing such destruction to their own land, their own neighbors,

to their brothers and sisters.

Fires threatening homes in San Diego County

Current active fires burning as of today. Since the beginning of October, there have been 35 fires in California.

Of those 35, 23 are under investigation, and are believed, or are known to have been Arson.

Some of those fires were small, and out quickly. Others turned into unbelieveable infernos.

San Diego County I believe

Photo taken by: Redlands. I'm not sure which one this is, it looks like Orange County- but I now believe it to be Malibu.

Satellite image of smoke plume from space.

Photo by: Clodagh of fire in Canyon Country. My dad's former home is just South of this picture.

Photo by: Pooya of Sand Canyon. The above two photos are of either the "Meadow Ridge" or the "Buckweed" fire.

Photo by: Palony of Valencia, of the "Ranch" fire I think. This was the closest one to us.

Photo by Marenghi of the "Ranch" fire in Castaic.

The Buckweed, Meadow Ridge, Magic, Aqua Dulce and Ranch fires are all the closest to us.
800 square miles have burned so far. Some of these are 100% contained, or are expected to be within 24 hours. But there are still 9 actively burning fires.

1 million evacuations

2,000 homes destroyed

11 people dead....... so far

Here, we are okay. The winds have shifted onshore, helping the firefighters. Our canyon is filling with smoke from the San Joaquin Valley, as the wind sucks it all back this way.

The wind has been blowing about 30 mph every day here, over the weekend and Monday it was about 65 mph.
We are scared.
But, we are okay for now.

Thank you to everyone who has emailed us and left comments. Our church is very involved in the efforts to help those evacuees left with nothing. They sent down two semi trucks full of food to San Diego on Monday.
Pray for them.
Pray that those responsible are caught.
Pray for our firefighters, they are stretched so thin right now.
Pray that no more fires are started.

I love you all,
Rachelle

I am happy to say that winds dying down in the fire ravaged areas have helped fire fighters. The winds have NOT died down here in the mountains, in fact they have picked up considerably again. But, all the fires near us with the exception of the "Ranch" fire are 100% contained now, and we have cloud cover. The marine layer is moving in, and will provide welcome cooler temps and moisture in the air to help the firefighters.
My husband reports rain in Bakersfield this morning. Let's hope it moves up here, I am weary from holding my breath.....

Take a walk with me....

2007-10-19T10:04:00.000-07:00

All Photographs copyrighted by Rachelle Black 2007

My dear Fatty Lumpkins and his old momma dog Tequila say:

Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy a walk!! Let's go!

And down the road we go.

Past the never dying lavender that cheers me up with it's fragrance. Times like this I long for my Cannon OS with manual focus. *sigh*
Past the last of the sunflowers... this ones just unfolding to it's full glory. The last harbinger of summer, it's sunny face brings a smile to mine.

Past the "Bear in the Tree"

B.t., this is for you. The natural formation looks just like a bear head profile, and after meeting you, I can never look at it without thinking of my little beary friend!

Here we are walking past the poison ivy that is climbing up a white oak tree at our seasonal stream. It's colors range from pink, to red and yellow.

Everyone joins us on our walk. The dogs Lumpy and Momma Dog, and the cats, Jack and his sister Diane.
Here's a little slice of heaven found under the Buckeye trees. Their leaves fallen and branches bare, they are stark- yet, beautiful. The first to bud striking green in the spring and light up the canyon, the first to shed their leaves in the fall and drop their shiny chestnuts, bearing huge flower spikes in summer, they are always interesting to see.

Into the sun we stroll, dogs sniffing the trail ahead and cats watching our six. A- a- aaaa-choo!! Oy, the rabbit brush is blooming, again. Hope you took your allergy medicine!

Careful, we're coming up on Shark Rock!! Watch out, he might bite!

Jack says it's time for a break. He has a heart condition, so we pause for a moment. Jack is a cat, who thinks he's a dog. If he could bark, he would! He comes when I whistle, charges at visitors like the dogs, and sleeps with Lumpy. What a piece of work...

Look what we find when we stop for a moment! Some colorful poison oak. Careful, don't touch! Admire it's beauty from afar.
Diane asks,

"Are we going to sit here all day?!" Ever impatient, Diane is the polar opposite of laid back Jack. Demanding and imperial, Diane is the Queen of the ranch.

On the journey home, I am taking it slow to soak in all the beauty of the morning. Ahead, everyone looks back. "Are you coming?" you can hear them say.

Let's pause near the beautiful oak grove.

And home again, home again, jiggity-jig!

I hope you enjoyed taking a walk with us in our little corner of the world.

I would like to thank everyone who has kept our little Narya in their thoughts and prayers. I am cautiously optimistic that she will make a full recovery. She is ever so much better than last weekend, and is getting stronger every day!

Till next time,

Slainte~
Rachelle

Who's the genius?

2007-10-16T08:08:00.001-07:00

That created my spectacular new banner/header you ask?

Why, it is none other than the lovely Gattina, whom you can find at:

http://www.gattinamycats.blogspot.com/

She is wonderfully talented, tells hilarious stories about her cats, and is now creating these headers!

She can make any type you want, with any pictures or themes you want.

Take a look at her blog often, she changes hers all the time!

Drop by and see what she can create for you! I endorse her business fully.

I'll be back soon, we've had a setback with Narya and I am busy taking care of her :( Prayers are very welcome, she looks to be turning the good corner right now, but still, you can never have too many prayers and good thoughts! I am exausted, but when Narya is well, so will I be.

Slainte~
Rachelle

Alas, poor sink..... I knew thee well

2007-10-09T09:33:00.000-07:00

I would like to introduce you to my new hero;

Yes, the common paper plate. So ordinary, your everyday sort of average guy. Not one to stand out in a crowd. Quiet and unassuming, the paper plate sits out it's life in your pantry, too boring for everyday use, not suitable for soup, and certainly too bourgeois for company.

And yet..... the humble paper plate is my hero.

Shock and awe...... sink, oh sink.... wherefore art thou sink?!?!?!?!?!?

Here marks the spot where my sink used to reside. It was beautiful! White and pristine, with a faucet that spurted water at the simple touch of it's handle.

That is, until...... (dun-dun-duuuunnnnnn) The Clog. The Clog came and lodged itself inside my sink's beautiful pipes and rendered my poor, wonderful sink impotent with just a chunk of solid matter.

Hubby thought The Clog was inside the pipes leading up to the sink. Just a simple matter of unhooking the pipes, and whoosh! Out would come the clog.

But alas, twas not meant to be. The Clog actually had the nerve to fix itself into the tiny connecting tubes in the sink itself. Oh dear.....

So, hubby, ever the fix it man, said- "No problem! I'll just take out the sink, take off the pipes and whoosh! Voila! Presto chango!! Fixed!" Uh-huh...... not. Taking out the sink caused the tiles along the sides to break off, causing the grout to have to be be removed, making fixing time stretch into days, causing.... this.

The great mess of our time. And this is only a small part of it.

While hubby had to replace tile, grout, glue and paint, (5 days now) the dishes amass themselves into great heaps that threaten to take over the entire house if left unchecked. Every plate, and spoon, cup and fork have been used. The trail of dirty dishes meanders along every available speck of counter space, onto the kitchen table, and gives me heart palpitations every time I enter the kitchen and think of the clean up.......

Enter My Hero! *sighs and flutters eyelashes*

Oh my sink, I never knew how much I loved you! I took you for granted, used you every day over and over and never told you how much I appreciated you! I callously scrubbed you, muttering under my breath about how much I hated cleaning you.... I threw things into you, never once considering your feelings! Do you really like potato peels and broccoli?

Never again! I swear by all that is pure and good in this world! I will never again take you for granted! I will spoil you rotten, make you sparkle with vitality all the days of your life! I will feed you only the purest ice to keep your disposal blades sharp, and never, ever will I mutter under my breath how much I hate doing the dishes! Never Again!!

*sigh*

There you lie...... your guts strewn all over the kitchen, your pipes torn asunder, rendered useless by The Clog.

Alas..... poor sink..... I knew thee well.

Alpacas as a metaphor for life

2007-10-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

This is Narya. She had a rough start in life.

Born to a first time mother who got udder edema, Narya had to be supplemented when all she wanted was mom.

Many crias would have given up. At first, we weren't sure she was going to make it. But, here she is, at 9 days old.
As you can see, she is doing great- despite the odds. She fought the good fight- to great results.
Cheerful and bright, she races around the pen, then collapses in a heap to bask in the sunlight- heedless of how close a call she had in her first days of life. She is friendly, outgoing, and care free. She doesn't let life get in the way. A living testament to overcoming overwhelming circumstances.

She is an inspiration to anyone who strives to survive hardship, and a reminder to live life every day to it's fullest.

As the color changes on the poison oak, it reminds me of how something potentially so devastating and painful can be beautiful as well.

I am looking for the beauty...........................

Right now I am trying to learn a lesson from both Narya and the poison oak. My husband got laid off on my birthday. Life was criated, and hope was destroyed both on the same day- how is this possible? At first I simply rejoiced in the criation part, and ignored reality. But reality has a terrible way of intruding........

I am trying to learn......... this is the third time since 2001, and I don't know how I will learn whatever lesson there is if I haven't learned it already.

I am looking for the lesson................................

They say behind every hardship- there is a blessing in disguise.

I am looking for the blessing.............................

I am looking.........................................................

for the light at the end of the tunnel.

A new Alpaca arrival!

2007-09-30T10:36:00.000-07:00

And here she is! Narya, named after Gandalf's ring, in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Thank you Silfiriel for this beautiful name!

Narya made her appearance on my birthday, which was fabulous. This is too funny, because this is actually the third cria born on my birthday in the 8 years we have been breeding! And they have all been girls too, which is such a blessing. First there was Arwen Undomiel in 2000- who you see as my profile picture. Then there was Rosie Cotton last year, and now Narya!
Cool beans methinks.

So, what now follows is a photo montage of her birth, enjoy!

Her first appearance, the amniotic fluid filled sac, with just a hint of her nose all pink showing. This is when the alpaca owner starts playing the "Guess that color" game! So far, so good, this is what we want to see.
After the sac ruptures, you should see the head present- nose and toes we call it- so far, right on! Trouble starts when you see feet first with no head, or don't see any progression at all after the pushing starts.
This cracked me up. Here she is, nose and toes (and legs) sticking out, and Lady G. is having a snack without a care in the world!! HA!
This is textbook presentation, very, very good. After the cria stayed there for a while, I thought Lady G. would appreciate a little help. The chest cavity of an alpaca cria is actually the largest part of the body to deliver, and sometimes they need just a little gentle traction. Seeing as how this was Lady G.'s first birth, I thought I would help. So I pulled carefully during a big push, and out she came!

Funny how first timers always deliver right by the poo pile, they think they have a big poo to push out! LOL

All crias are wobbly at first, some more than others. They have been so cramped in there that usually they take a day or so to straighten out, sometimes longer. They can have loosey-goosey ligaments, or sometimes contracted tendons from their position in the womb. After about 35 births, I can tell who has trouble beyond the norm, and who doesn't. Narya has some trouble with being a bit down on her pasterns, with her ligaments loose in the front legs, and a little tight in the back. Notice how her back legs aren't straight? All this will straighten (no pun intended) itself out in time, without any manipulation from me. She was a bit dysmature, not in days as she was born at 339 days gestation, so well within normal limits, but her teeth are not erupted and her legs tell me she was perhaps not completely done cooking in the oven. This happens sometimes.
Here she is saying hello to the group. Mom and she were placed in a smaller pen to bond together. You can see Rosie's black head and Elbereth's fawn one hanging over the panels. All the other alpacas are very curious when a new cria is born, and they sometimes make nuisances of themselves, getting in the way of nursing and knocking over the new babe. My llama boy Mithril is their "nanny guardian" and he was very, very sweet with her!
Trying to get the hang ov nursing, and this is where I first got my hunch she might have some trouble. See, she was a bit too wobbly to be able to stay under mom in the correct position and latch on to a teat. Combine that with Lady G. who has a huge udder, and her teats were so engorged Narya couldn't latch on to them. It got freezing here, of course! So we put on a coat for her, but as you can see, she is much smaller than the smallest (warm) coat we had! So we wrapped her in a wool scarf, put the coat over that, and I put a sock on her neck (can't see it in this picture).
She won't give up on nursing though, and that's wonderful! So, in concern that she wouldn't get adequate colostrum from mom in that most crucial 24 hour time period, we supplemented her with cow's colostrum every 2 hours all day and night. Saturday morning Lady G's udder was so engorged, we had to put hot packs on it and massage it for her to relieve some of the pressure. Narya was still too wobbly to latch on, and was getting lethargic, so we started tubing, vs bottle feeding her as she wasn't drinking any more voluntarily, with the colostrum and goats milk to get her jump started. The first 48 hours is so scary. Lady G. is an excellent first time momma, and clicks and nudges her babe into the right position to nurse, then stands like a statue while the baby sucks on and licks everywhere just trying to get it right, but if the cria isn't able to stay in that position, or latch on- she will be in serious trouble.

After a successful day of tube feeding, and a weight gain of 1/4 lb, I believe Narya is out of the woods, and we will continue to supplement her as needed, but mommas udder is starting to soften up, and baby is only getting stronger. Her legs are straightening up nicely, and we expect mom and baby both to be a great team within a few days.

Here she is this morning, without her coat and enjoying the sunshine!

I hope you enjoyed Narya's birthing experience, and now I am breathing a sigh of relief, as I know her first hurdle is over. With a cria who doesn't get mother's colostrum in the first 24 hours, there is always a risk or FTT- Failure to Thrive, which means the cria did not get adequate antibody transfers. This condition can cause the cria to be susceptible to infection and the risk of sudden death goes up dramatically.

With us getting colostrum in her, starting her on antibiotics, and tubing her regularly, she has a good chance to bypass this condition.

I always say 7 days is the clincher. After 7 days of life, I rest easy. So, I will pray, and we will all see Narya next week, healthy and strong!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Life's a dance, we learn as we go....

2007-09-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hi there loyal readers,
Well, I am currently on cria watch, so I am pretty much Night of the Living dead these days. Not fully capable of functioning on a cerebral level. I thought I'd revamp an old post I did over a year ago when I first started blogging.
I really liked the premise behind the post, but thought I could do better. So, I managed to refresh it and here it is.
I hope you like it!

So I am just sitting here thinking about life. I know, I know, deep thoughts for such a... HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ANYWAY?!?! I can read your mind you know.

Anywho- as you know, I love pictures. I hate being in front of the camera, but would hide behind one forever. That said, I don't scrapbook, or have a million photo albums and I have no idea where all my kid's baby pictures all are, I just know there are a lot of them. I like pictures. Taking them and looking at them.

I can go to a total stranger's house and spend hours looking through their photo albums. Weird? Maybe. But there is something very magical about photos. Did you know that in some cultures people believe that to take a picture of them means you are actually taking a part of their spirit? Like a part of their soul goes into the picture, never to come back into their body again. I have read stories about those same people thinking they were marked for death after someone has not respected that belief and taken a photo of them anyway. And of that person dying not long after.
How persuasive are beliefs.

Interesting to me..... when I was a child, I thought that pictures could "see" me. Like the photo was aware of what I was doing, saying, etc... and I would not have any photographs in my room. Paintings were fine, but only if they weren't of people. People in pictures, I was sure of this, moved at will when no one was looking. I spent long hours wondering where they went and what they did when I wasn't in the room. This was long before Harry Potter and the moving, seeing pictures portrayed there in, but when I first read the book it made perfect sense to me.

Two years ago I lost my best friend. She was a wonderful person, a mother of 5 children, wife of 26 years, and she died very suddenly. Jane was, to me, the perfect wife and mother. She made me want to be a better person, and her countenance was dazzling. I can't recall any time when she wasn't positive- even when times were rough. -- sigh-- there aren't words to adequately describe Jane and how special she really was...... She was in the hospital having a stint in her thigh removed- placed there to catch clots after vein surgery- and the doctor punctured her heart accidentally. This was the first time in medical history that this had happened.
((WHY??))

When it came time for her funeral, there was a viewing.
I couldn't go.
simply. couldn't. go.

You see, I have a picture of Jane, and she is smiling. Smiling at me, every day... In those first few months when I fully expected her to walk in the door of the church we attend, when I picked up the phone to call her, before remembering that I couldn't do that anymore, I looked at her photograph, and my heart was lighter, even though it was still broken. I still miss Jane terribly, I still cry... although the dreams are less frequent of her waving at me and saying 'hi' like she is still here. This is how I will always remember her.

There is one picture I have of her playing a ring-around-the-rosy kind of game with a group of children. Her husband gave me that picture, and I thought it was a recent one. I found out though that it was taken almost 15 years ago. She looked exactly the same. Smiling, happy, radiant. I will remember her that way forever because of a photograph.

The power of photos is readily evident to me, for it seems in my life there has been much loss. Perhaps this is why photography has been so tightly linked to high emotion for me. When I was fifteen my 21 year old brother committed suicide. No one would talk about it with me, and I wasn't even allowed to attend the funeral. I had to deal with it on my own. To come to terms with the act, without any of the details or any explanation. My father couldn't even speak his name for years, and I do mean years afterwards. It was too painful for him. But here was I, wanting more..... So I cherished his last photo. He was smiling at me. He wasn't sad, or depressed, or on drugs or anything. He was just Jeff, smiling at me like he did when he was alive.
This is how I will remember him forever- because of a photograph.

This is not to say that all photos make me sad. I frequently look at a photo taken when my daughter, then only 2 1/2 years old, got caught inside a tomato cage. Cruelly, I made my husband keep her there while I ran for the camera. A priceless picture that makes me laugh every time I see it, the last time was just a few days ago, with Codi sitting next to me.

It invariably brings the evil eye on from my daughter who can't understand why I tortured her like that just for a picture. She doesn't get it- but she will when she has children of her own.

A picture I have of my son playing his guitar- such a handsome boy. At age 4 he got his first one for Christmas. He thought he would be able to pick up the guitar and play like Raffi on his first try. Little did he know as he was so discouraged after that first attempt he would become a virtual prodigy as a teen. Makes me fit to burst with pride and love. A picture of him with his face all screwed up in that impossible way only a one year old can while preparing to let loose a primal scream... I smile.

Wow, are those my kids? They are so beautiful!! Unbelievable that such children could come from me. Me who is so not perfect, and is actually very much lucky to be alive still. What a miracle.

One of me, in Hawaii in 1988. Young, and was I ever that thin??? I always thought I was fat and ugly. Wow, that was me. The lies planted in my heart at such a young age were truly that, just lies. I was beautiful.

One of my husband, in his leather jacket from Turkey, looking over the top of his glasses at me with that look... -- heart flutter -- back away girls, he's all mine :))

The problem is that some of us don't want to have our pictures taken. I am one of them, but I learned a most important lesson. See, we don't have a lot of pictures of my brother Jeff, and I only have a couple of my friend Jane. There are so many others I have lost and there aren't nearly enough pictures of them either.
Life is short, we are mortal, and the others in our lives go on without us.
I wish I had more....
We get old and cranky, we don't want our pictures taken and hide from the camera, we think it is not that important for crying out loud.
But....
If I can't have more time with those I have loved, then I want more pictures.

So get out there and get in front of the camera. I don't care if you are fat, old, or have a mustache (um, that would be the female persuasion type I am referring to here) I need more pictures, and so do all your loved ones.
Life is short my friends, take lots of pictures, and share them with everyone you love.
Pictures are indeed magical. Perhaps a piece of us really does reside in certain pictures after they are taken. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that is true.
See you next time.
Slainte Mor~
Rachelle

My first award! By Elbereth Alpaca

2007-09-14T08:59:00.001-07:00

Mousie says:

Elbereth, Lady of the stars, Ruth, Bob T Bear and Mousie are very proud to give this high distinction...You are our Blogging Star...
It's originated at Skittles' Place so she can follow it's journey. Pass it on to any blogger(s) you think should have it.

Mousie can found here: http://www.plumpiemousie.blogspot.com/ and the award is in her Midnight blog section. You should visit, it is a delightful, stress free, magical place.

Elbereth has this to say:

I am so excited! Look how beautiful I am!!!! I wish I could go visit Mousie and give her a big alpaca kiss. Dance in the moonlight for me, okay Mousie?

And I say Huzzah Huzzah!! To my dearest Mousie, thank you! And thank you for your patience, and she actually gave me this award some time ago, and I just got the time to post this!

I give this award to Sarah Flake, at: http://www.hollywoodflakes.blogspot.com/

For her humor, and passion for all things bloggy- face it Sarah, you have an addiction. You should really join me in the first step, repeat after me; ahem.....

My name is (insert full name here) and I am a Bloggoholic.

There, now doesn't that feel good! You are on your way to recovery. Forget the other 11 steps, they are just a trifling annoyance really.

Just post the first full paragraph, adding my name & link after Mousie, and pass it on!

And good googly moogly, whatever you do, keep Penny away from Twinkies!!!!

And I promise to blog again after this weekend and the fair set up!!!

To all of you, I appreciate you greatly.

Slainte~
Rachelle

clouds reprisal

2007-09-07T12:58:00.001-07:00

Well, while I interview muses, I thought I would respond to Silfiriel! The cloud pictures I posted were actually not taken in the evening, and here they are before I retouched them.
I thought that they were pretty like this, but when I retouched them it made them more dramatic- in my opinion :)) Kind of fit my mood better if you know what I mean.

I retouch a lot of my pictures, just the standard touch up button. I use Microsoft Picture It 7.0 a lot when I work with my photos. It is really easy to use and doesn't make me want to throw the computer out the window. LOL

I don't know how to use Photoshop or anything, even though we have all the latest software for it. When I edit my photos, I need it to be fast and easy. I work with about 100 a week between my business and the blog and all.

Recently one of my pictures I entered in a contest was rejected. It is the rose you see. It is interesting to me what appeals to people. I wonder why it was? Is it the date and time? (darn that thing, I couldn't figure out how to take it off!!) Do they think it was not really mine? I don't know. Oh well, I sent another one in instead!

Right now I am busy getting ready a new display board for the Kern County Fair. It is just a tri-fold board, like for a science project, with info about alpacas and pictures I have taken over the years. It will be displayed with the fleeces that will be judged there.

So, which pictures do you like better? Don't worry, I won't be offended if you like the 'before' pictures better!
Slainte~

Rachelle

The Muse is Dead.....

2007-09-02T12:21:00.000-07:00

We're not sure what exactly happened, but I suspect heat stroke. It has been intolerably hot here, and everyone knows that Rachelle's Muse cannot work in these conditions.

Currently, I am in the market for a new one, so if anyone knows where I can buy a cheap muse, let me know! It must meet the following expectations:

Have a wicked sense of humor
Know the meaning of "Na-nu, Na-nu"
Be able to count to 1,000 backwards
Have the ability to leap small buidings in a single bound (erm..... just for the heck of it)
To be able to write about absolutely nothing, and still get a laugh from my readers
To be privy to provocative prose, and witty alliterations
Be able to translate incoherent babble into meaningful, tender poetry
And last but not least, it has to be good with children

Anyone...... anyone....... ???

*sigh* alas poor muse..... I knew thee well

Until I find myself a new muse, I hope you enjoy these cloud pictures I took a few days ago.
Do you see a bunny or a dragon? Is that Yoda????
Slainte~
Rachelle

Ps.... I am in the market for subject matter! If you can think of something you would like me to write about, just drop a note into the endless comment bucket!

Happy Anniversary!

2007-08-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

To Me!! Okay, and my husband :))

To my soulmate, the one who has loved me through thick and thin - that would be waistlines...

For richer and for poorer...... wait a minute, for poorer and poorer.

Through good times and bad,

Happiness and sadness;

Who brought me these lovely flowers.... second time this year, I am in shock! This from a man who in 12 years has given me flowers five times..... total....

He is finally getting it!! Huzzah!! :))

Who, even when times get tough, and we have had our share of tough times over the years, still makes me laugh, cry, and feel beautiful- although I don't know how he pulls that one off still.

Whom I love to just sit and talk with, for hours..... still.

Who is man enough to admit to imperfection. Who was able to take the terribly damaged child within me and make her feel safe and unafraid. Who helped me realize, finally, that not all men were predators.

Who took me in with my two little children after a horrible and dangerous failed marriage and made me feel worthy of love again. Then became the father my children never had. While putting up with my crazy ex and his death threats..... sheesh.....

Wyatt, I love you.

Happy Anniversary!

Alpaca Introduction #1

2007-08-20T09:36:00.000-07:00

But first, check out the smoke that moves in every afternoon from the Zaca Fire in Santa Barbara.

It is crazy!! We are rained on by ash, and are breathing this stuff every day and we are about 35 miles away from it..... Yucko. And, it is creeping closer every day. Poor folks in the middle of it!Now it is almost to Highway 33, and our mountain communities are on alert. It is only 75% contained, and is burning about 20,000 acres a day. 100% containment is not expected until the end of next month- perhaps.
God bless the firefighters who are battling this!!

And now, an alpaca who needs no introduction - Osita!

Osita- Aka: Dancing Girl - is my favorite alpaca. You might remember her from this post: http://pasturemusings.blogspot.com/2006/12/twas-night-before-christmas.html Where she was featured as the 'wise' alpaca. This is my very favorite post ever, because I got the chance to write from my Osita's perspective. I know she loves me! She is the one paca who runs to greet me every time I go out to the pens. She is the only paca to give every visitor a 'paca kiss' and she herds over her newest cria to meet me every year.

Osita is one of my best friends. She is sweet, gentle and kind. She is laid back, and yet spunky- the perfect alpaca. In fact, when we were investigating buying alpacas way back in 1999- we had already picked out who we were going to buy, and Osita wasn't on the list. After meeting her, we just had to buy her, so we scrimped and plotted until we could. And Osita is the one alpaca I will never sell, no matter what. Osita is a very easy keeper- a fatty (I can totally relate!) and is very content eating and sleeping :))

Here is Osita's first girl- Lady Galadriel - and her big (and I do mean BIG) entrance into the world! Lady G was huge- really. When I saw this head, I knew we were in for a big one- and she weighed in at a hair over 20 lb. Very big for an alpaca! Osita won't deliver unless I am outside with her. I am serious, she will wait for me. Out of seven crias, I have only missed one birth of Osita's. She lays right at my feet while in labor, and because of this I was able to help this giant get out while Osita lay calmly and let me do what was necessary to help her.

Here is Lady G at about 3 weeks old. Osita's crias have all been bouncy from day one- momma has plenty of milk, enough for three I think, and births without any trouble. Lady G is now three years old and pregnant with her first cria, due the end of September. Her girl cria already has a name- Narya! (I am thinking pink here.... LOL) She is much like her momma, but not as comfortable as Osita with humans. However, she is easily handled and likes us well enough.

Osita loves water!! She is a total water hog, and as you can see, between her and Hally (and now Hally's cria Rosie Cotton) there isn't any room at the watering hole until Osita is done- you can see the line! That is Lady G BTW in white there, can you see the family resemblance?

Whenever I am feeling down, I can go out to visit with my homegirl Osita, and I always feel better. She stands with me, blowing her cud breath in my face, and if I am sitting her favorite chair, she will sometimes stand behind me and put her chin on my head. If she could, she would climb in my lap. She also plays with me. I click and clap and run, and she leaps and clicks and runs too! I don't know what I would do without her. She loves scratches, on her chest, back and rump. I often take the grass rake out and she runs up, so excited when she sees it, knowing she is going to get a good scratch! She stands still and I run the rake over her. We also have a street sweeper brush mounted upright that everyone scratches on. Osita practically knocks it over!

We fully realize that Osita is one of a kind, and feel blessed to have stewardship over her. This year, Osita lost her cria. Whenever we have a loss, it is devastating. But to see my lovely Osita lose her baby, it is like a knife in my gut. She is such a good momma, and loves her crias so much- it was heartbreaking to have her go through this. She and I grieved together, and she showed me how to forgive myself.

While Osita is easy going most of the time, she is easily stressed when confronted with unusual situations like shearing in late term pregnancy, and heat, traveling off the ranch, etc. We are always mindful of that. This year she got too hot during a weird weather week we had early in May, and before we caught it- it was too late. She is being kept open and won't be rebred until the fall, so she won't have to deal with that again. I don't send her off the ranch for breeding, she stays here to minimize her stress. She really loves us so much, she does very poorly when away from home.

I hope you enjoyed meeting Osita, she would love to meet all of you I know, and give you kisses I am sure! I will go outside now and give her a scratch on all her favorite spots, just for you!Slainte~
Rachelle

Alpaca Naming Contest- We have a Winner!!

2007-08-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

Wow, first of all I just want to say thank you! What a COOL group of folks I have who read my blog! I was totally floored by all the responses, and I had SO much fun!!

Now, the results are in!! And I am going to let my little cria take over here. But read to the end, I have more to say about the "runner up" :))

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Well, first of all I had to shove my way in!!! See- here I am trying to get to that 2-legger, I couldn't wait to hear my name! The other crias have been teasing me, calling me 'no-name' and stuff. Then momma told me that Quickbeam didn't have a name for four whole months!!! HA!! Anyway.....

This is the reason I couldn't get to the 2-legger.... her name is Osita and she's a camera hog!! She just loooooves that 2-legger, and every time she comes out here, Osita has to hog all the space around her.

I mean, just look at her!!!!!

I don't know how you can miss her...... she's as big as a house.

Here I am, FINALLY!! I tried to SPIT my way in.... but I don't think I really have the hang of that yet.....

So, when I got here, that 2-legger went on and one, telling me all about all the cool names that she got, and how it was so hard for that giant 2-legger who brings the food ( I call him Daddy) to choose. I told her to let ME choose, but I don't think she heard me. But she said that the final decision was- Elbereth- Lady of the Stars. I LOVE it!!! It is so pretty, just like me! Thank you Mousie!!

Then she said that Daddy said that the next cria born already has a name!! No matter if it's a boy or a girl it's gonna be Narya because he loved that name so much!! So, what's the deal I ask?? They get a name already?!?! And I had to wait?!?!?!

Sheesh..........

Anyway, I love the name- it is perfect, just like me! And the 2-legger loves it too. And she doesn't have to think about the next name! The new cria should be born in September, and the 2-legger is hoping that she will be born on her birthday again, like Rosie Cotton was last year, and my momma was waaaaayyy back in 2000.

Well, thanks everyone who helped me find a name! I really think it's cool that everyone loves me so much, they would help me find the perfect name. I'll see you all soon! Back to the 2-legger! I'm gonna go bounce someone..... hmmm.... maybe that pushy Osita..... Bye!

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Rachelle here again! So, as you can see we had a winner, and a runner up! Mousie- you get the scarf and picture for Elbereth- Lady of the Stars!! Woo-hoo!!!

And Silfiriel- I am sending you a picture, and a little stuffed alpaca because we loved your name- Narya so much, we are going to use it for our next cria!

Cool beans methinks. Next post, I am going to introduce you to all the alpacas! I will post a picture, and a little about them- so you can get to know my extended family. Hmmm..... might have to break it up into 2 or 3 posts, there are a lot of pacas here!!

Check back soon! And thank you, so very, very much! Mousie and Silfiriel could you email me and give me your addresses? :))

Slainte~
Rachelle

Anticipation.... anticipay-aytion.....

2007-08-16T11:14:00.000-07:00

I know, I know. I promised hubby would choose on the 15th, and now it's the 16th.

Please, I am really sorry, but could you bear with me for another day? Hubby is working two jobs right now and I haven't seen him all week. I know he still lives here, I can smell his aftershave, and there is dirty laundy in the basket.
So, I promise I will tie him down, er, I mean I will grab him long enough to get an answer tonight. Then I will post it tomorrow.

Sorry!!!!!
Slainte~
Rachelle

Name that Alpaca contest!! MODIFICATIONS!!

2007-07-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

Please see the new and improved (but are they really?) rules!!! as of August 4th!!

Yes you read that right! And it's all about me!! Here I am, cute as ever.... hmmm.... all except for my ears, I heard that 2-legger saying "She's got her daddy's ears *tsk-tsk*..." whatever that means. Then she said I'd grow into them, like he did. Whatever. I'm still the cutest one on the ranch.

But I don't have a name yet!! It's been over a week already, sheesh! Since that 2-legger seems to have forgotten, I thought I'd ask you guys to come up with one for me! Whadda ya think? Good idea? I think it's gonna be great!!! I can't wait to hear Bob. T. Bear's name, I'm sure I'm gonna love it. After all, being an ursine, he has impeccable taste.... just don't eat me, okay? I heard that bears sometimes eat alpacas, but I am sure it's only the ugly ones, so I don't have to worry.

I thought I'd tell you a little about me, and don't forget to read till the end and check out the rules!

Well, I'm cute (obviously) and a girl! I love to play, I never walk anywhere, I run! I love to 'bounce' my momma- here she is with me. Her name is Arwen Undomiel, pretty huh? Her's is the schnoz you see in our blog profile.

I get into trouble cuz I'm always wanting to bounce, and the other moms don't like it. I think they are all old and boring, but whatever. I put everything in my mouth, how else am I gonna know if I want to eat it or not? I like to lay in the shade under the fan. I am a very pretty fawn color, with shades of red.

At night, just before it gets dark, me and my friends pronk (thats kinda like a bounce, or lotsa bounces!) all over our pens. we run into the fence, and try and knock over our mommas, it's so fun!!

That 2-legger says I'm growing like a weed, but I don't know what a weed is, so what does that mean?? I played in the sprinklers last week for the first time, I got my nose wet and then ran away!! Who needs that?? But, it was kinda fun running around the other whacky pacas who were practically swimming in them.... really, some pacas are so weird. I heard them saying, "Water!!! Water!!!! We finally have water!!!!!" whatever.......

My daddy is named Luxor (I know, not a LOTR name, but that dorky name was already given to him before he got here so....) and he is a fawn appaloosa. He has another kid here who is really pretty, he is a rosegray and he gets to start working as a stud this year! My mom called him a 'stud muffin' hmmm..... wonder what that means..... Here's my daddy:

So, if you think you might have a name for me, write to me in the comment section! If you have any more questions for me, ask and I will answer them, okay? Now, that 2-legger is shoving me out of the way.... gotta go! See you soon!

Love, ?????

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Okay, Rachelle here! So, the rules are:

#1- the name must be from the Lord of the Rings books, or The Hobbit. No modifications!! LOTR has been our theme since 1999, I can't change it now!

#2- we already have: BMAR's Bilbo Baggins, BMAR's Light of Earendil, BMAR's Gil Galad, BMAR's Lady Galadriel, Elrond, BMAR's Rosie Cotton, BMAR's Heathertoes, Mithrandir- The Gray Pilgrim, Mithril, BMAR's Arwen Undomiel, Faramir, BMAR's Elanor, and BMAR's Tinuviel. Of course, some of those are boys' names...... which brings me to- Please read this! Some of the names offered we already have! It would be sad if someone didn't get a chance because they missed one of these names :(

#3- it must be a girls name :))

#4- we must have more than 15 names to choose from, and only one name per blogger- so get your friends over here!! Here's where I have to modify! I thought this would be easy, but it looks like I might not have 15 names, so we will just choose from what we have received by the close of the contest.

That means you'd better get busy!!! :) This isn't hard guys, and I had enough faith in you all to initiate this, just do it!! Yup.... hop- hop-hop. A good resource is: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elvish_languages

then follow the Tolkien links. You could also substitute "hobbits" for elves.

So, dig out your books!!! Search high and low!! As you can see, we don't go for the ordinary, easy names usually. The most creative, beautiful, and fitting will win.... drumroll please..... This:

A beautiful hand crocheted 100% alpaca scarf in natural cream and fawn colors. (and no, you won't receive the dust from the chair too :^/ Crikey!! Where'd that come from???)

Yes, I will send it to you, no matter where you live! And a full page, color photo of the little girl!

Contest starts now, and will end August 15th!! May the best LOTR name win!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Two days of Terror....

2007-07-25T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well, it has certainly not been a boring summer.....

Here's the latest in my life. Saturday dawned like any other summer day, hot and clear. My son and I were going down to Bakersfield to see Harry Potter, and pick up the new book. Since I had already seen it with my daughter, she was going to stay home by herself.

Wyatt was in L.A. at the temple, and wasn't due back until about 4:30 pm. He was unreachable by phone. Codi's friend Olivia was here after spending the night, and we were going to take her home on the way to Bako.

It was 11:30 am, and we were about to leave. The house had been open to catch the morning coolness.... we never close all the windows in the summer, we have a deep fear of fire, and smelling smoke is always our first warning.

Until Saturday. I came out from the back of the house to get my purse, and smelled smoke. I went outside, and the entire canyon was billowing with smoke. I stood there in shock. Every time we have had a fire nearby, and there have been many over the years, I have smelled smoke long before it has gotten close. We start the fire chain here with our neighbors, and we have plenty of time to act. This time it was right below us before anyone in the canyon caught it. There was no wind....

The fire below our neighbor's place immediately below us, and the brave pilot.

Immediately I went into controlled panic mode. The first thing I thought of was watering around the house and the pens, like we always do..... but we have no water. Okay, a little more panic and less control here.....

Got the kids, told them to get the animal carriers and round up the animals. Told them to pack their emergency bags - quickly. Called my neighbor with the extra trailer she said we could use, she didn't answer. Called my friends in Frazier Park and asked them to locate a trailer for the animals. I was crying when I talked to Jackie, I was terrified. With only me and the kids home, it was all up to us to do everything, without strong dad- with my back...... Our trailer is big enough for five animals, and we can put four or five in the back of the truck in the camper- but only if the car is here to load up the kids, dogs, cats, and our emergency bags, and pictures.....

First and foremost, my family.

Having been through a few scares with fires, the kids are now pros at packing their emergency bags. Everyone knew this was different though, the fire was right here, not something seen in the distance. We got the female pacas up in the front of the 'safe pen' in preparation for the boys to take the lower half. The safe pen is the one in the middle, with no big oak trees nearby to burn.

Thank God our friends were able to get here in time. Right after they arrived, they closed the road to our canyon and didn't let anyone up. Jackie and her husband Brian, and their son Brady came with their big Yukon and a carrier trailer. No, it wouldn't hold my animals, it was a slat sided flatbed. I called the fire department while I was waiting for them, and the lady on the other end said, yes, they were evacuating Digier Canyon.... wait, no they weren't? Just a minute, she said..... no, they were not evacuating at this time, but to be ready, they were in fact fighting three fires in the area. If the Sheriff and CHP showed up, we would have to leave immediately.

So, I had to decide. Who would go with us?

The fire as it crept up the left side of the canyon and along the ridge, closer to our house.

It was a given, the four cats, the two dogs, but which alpacas? We have 22 right now. I had a two day old cria, and one pregnant female due this fall. The stress caused by transporting them was a serious concern. Taking a new baby to another ranch would expose her to all kinds of bacteria she would be weak against at her age. I started my ranch evacuation phone chain. But no one was home. There was no answer at any of the four ranches I called near me. In the mean time, the fire is creeping closer and closer.... and the wind was picking up. Blowing right up the canyon towards our home. Codi's friend was very scared.

The phone was ringing madly. I had my cell phone in one hand, and the walkabout in the other, talking on both at the same time. Calls from friends in the area who heard there was a fire, could we see it?? Boy, I had to laugh.... yup, I said. Then a call from a friend very close by, we could take the alpacas to her place and put them in the backyard if we had to. Relief.... not a perfect solution, but far better than having nowhere to take them.

Our neighbor above called us and offered her six horse trailer. She has wild mustangs, and said she would not be able to get them out, we had first dibs on the trailer if we wanted it.... my heart leapt and said yes! I could get everyone out then! But then, I had second thoughts, what if she really needed it?? I said I'd get back to her. She assured me she wouldn't need it, but I felt differently. Bless her heart.

Then the phone rang, it was my friend who lived up in Lockwood with alpacas. She said she had been sick and was sleeping when I called, of course I could bring the pacas to her place. Relief....

The smoke through the trees

It was decision time. I had to decide who I was going to take, and who would have to stay behind. At a time like this, you have two forces driving the decision making process. Your head, and your heart. My heart said I couldn't possibly leave my boys behind. My head said the girls were by far the most valuable and had to go first. If there was time, I would come back and get the boys. If there was time...

Brian was great, he said, "Rachelle, tell us what to do, and we'll do it." So, I did. We took all the cats in their carriers, and all the bags, guitars, and the computer modem out of my truck and out them in his and in their trailer, freeing up space for alpacas in my truck. I had to decide what to take out of the house. What do you take? I looked around my house with a feeling of complete exhaustion.... what did I want to take? It was only two hours later, but it felt like many, many hours had passed... The pictures on the walls came down and were loaded. The handful of loose pictures I had in my room were packed. Where were the rest of the pictures? The ones of my precious children when they were babies? They weren't in albums, that was something I had always said I'd do later, why didn't I???
The scaredy cat we couldn't find, she had to stay in the house. Tears.

Then we waited...... We watched the fire as it burned along the top of the ridge, then raced down the canyon wall towards our home. We watched the brave pilots maneuver throughout our narrow canyon. It was amazing. The boys went up by the water tank with shovels and caught the burning ashes, smothering them with dirt before they could spark a blaze. We could hear the crackling of the flames now.

Codi's friend was terrified. I shared with her that I had prayed, and in my heart I knew we would be okay, that after my prayer, a feeling of calm came over me, that I knew WE would be okay, safe.

Then the fire trucks arrived to protect the house. The fireman asked me what we planned to do. My heart sick, I asked him what he would do. He said if it were his home, he would leave, and leave now.
So, no more time. They started working around the house, planning their strategy for saving our home. We loaded up the girls, I kissed them and told them to be calm.

We moved all the boys into the safe pen, the firemen agreed it was the best place for them.
We moved my two llamas up to the pen connected to the house. We left the chickens. We left the scaredy cat. We left the water turtle in the house. We left 13 male alpacas, my nanny llama lady, my precious boys..... and our home. I knew we would be safe, but what about them?

Jackie asked me if there was anything else I wanted to take..... I remember looking around and saying, it's only stuff, right?

My daughter and I cried together, and..... we left.

The burn along the canyon wall to the left and below the boy's pens.

We drove out to Lockwood Valley to drop off the girls. After getting them all unloaded, I remember being unable to think. It was complete and utter stupor of thought. Brian asked me if we were going to come to their house. Several folks had graciously offered their places to us, and I had scatterbrainedly said yes to about three of them, while talking with 911 on the other phone, you know.

I just started crying, I said "I can't leave my new baby! What if something happens to her? Where will you put the cats? I think I'm going to take the cats and dogs and go home." I wasn't thinking very clearly, obviously. And I said so. From then on Brian took charge. He said, "You're coming to our house. We'll put the cats in the garage, the dogs in the yard, and you inside." And so we did.

The burn to the left of our house, as it ran up the draw and back over the ridge.

I spent about half an hour calming down our big fat cat Shadow (AKA- Fat Boy) who is about 12 years old, and never been away from home. He had ropey strands of saliva, had thrown up, and was breathing with his mouth open, totally stressed. He calmed down in my lap, we both did.

My neighbor had to use her trailer. I knew it.

Finally, Wyatt called. He was frantic. He got on the phone with our neighbors below, and called me back. He said, "I just talked with Bill and Shelly, the fire burnt half the house." !!?? What!! I screamed.

The burn as the fire got sneaky and came back over the ridge behind our house.

Wyatt said, "The fire burnt past the house!" Relief.

Long story, I know. The end is short. The house is fine. The boys are fine. We dodged a big bullet. When we returned we found that the fire had gone up the draw to the left of our house when it got to the "V". If it had gone up the right, we would have lost everything. Blessings.

We watch the skies for smoke, and sleep a little lighter. We don't leave the house alone.

My family is safe. The girls are home. My baby is fine, as is the pregnant female due in September. Here they are:

Lessons learned. Picture organization, now! Prayer works! Thank God for good friends!! We love our firemen!!

Thank God for you! I love you all!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Let me esplain............

2007-07-20T22:03:00.000-07:00

No... there is too much, let me sum up.
Okay, you may have been wondering, as Shrink was, if the lovely horde of teenaged girls kidnapped me from camp, and I was never to be seen again. Far from it actually!
I was indeed at a remote camp in the beautiful pines.......... where the wind sighing through the towering redwoods sounded like a sweet melody.......

Oh yea, did I mention I was crammed into a tiny cabin with 13 teenaged girls, all aged 13-14 years old? With 5 'youth leaders' assigned to our cabin as well???? Seriously, those bunk beds were reminiscent of 1800's soldier's barracks......
Yup.... I lived through it, I have the tee-shirt to prove it!!

It is simply amazing to me that on Monday I was terrified that the girls would all hate me, and by Friday we all loved each other so very much, and I miss them terribly!
They were wonderful, and I had a different name every day. Sister White on Tuesday, then it was Sky Blue, then Lime Green, then Rainbow, and Pink! It was so much fun. Even if I was really in such terrible pain, I wouldn't have traded that week for anything in the world.

Here are all my girls practicing our hula to "Brown Haired Girl" The theme of camp this year was "The Spirit of Aloha" and it was all about love, service and compassion.
If you look closely you will see me, way in the back. That would be for two reasons, one, I suck at the hula..... seriously, I can get the lovely hula hands to work beautifully. I can also make my hips and feet move smoothly...... just not all at the same time.

The other reason? I hurt my back so seriously just before camp. Sleeping on an air mattress for a whole week, hiking and climbing, hula-ing and just standing were torture. So, I was not exactly moving, er, well at all. I went to the doctor and she gave me big horse pills to take. Seems I have a huge muscle spasm all down the left side of my back. The radiologist summed it up nicely when she told me I was, well.... crooked. Ouch!!

When I came home I was so happy to sleep in my bed!! And, if you remember I was expecting a new paca cria while I was gone. I was sure she would deliver without me! But, she waited until yesterday morning at 4:00 am. And this is what we got.
A beautiful little girl! So, as you can see, I have been pretty busy since last I visited with you. I promise to write more soon, and I will get some more pictures of the lovely woods ready when next we meet.

Thanks Cameron for posting for me while Iw as gone! *waving at my son*

Till then my friends!

Slainte~
Rachelle

I need a new memory chip...

2007-07-13T07:55:00.000-07:00

This one I created last year as well, I'll be back from camp soon, love you all!

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Okay, so it is pretty much a given that as we age, we lose brain cells.
Several things can speed up or increase the number of cells killed on any given day:
drugs and alcohol
head injuries
husbands -- said with tongue firmly planted in cheek--
pregnancy
childbirth
stress
And children between the ages of zero to about 90...... I am so totally doomed!!

Considering I have had some form of all of the above in my lifetime, it is no surprise that I am cracking up early.

Consider this: I used to remember people's names, always. Heck, I even remembered my name with great regularity! Whatta ya know! Now, I am lucky if I remember to put on my pants in the morning before leaving the house.

This malady runs in the family to some extent for sure. I remember my father, he drove me crazy.... he could never remember my name! In my family there are in order from oldest to youngest: Dawna, Cindy, Jeff, Rachelle, and Jamey.

Dad used to have to go through the whole list before getting to me. Now granted, he stuck with the girls so I never had to deal with "the-being-called-a-boy-name-for-my-whole-life" issue, but still. It was:
Dawna, er, Cindy, er, dammit all!! Rachelle!!! For the longest time, I thought my name really was Dammit all Rachelle.
Talk about issues..... Then to top it all off, he married a woman with 6 daughters....yes you read that right... from then on it took my dad about 10 minutes to get to my name.

For the boys, they got off lucky, it was only Jeff, er, Jamey. I think they got off easy and I tortured my little brother his whole life as a result. Hay!! At least they both started with a J!

My mother? Well bless her heart she has a memory like a steel trap. Complete with gaping holes in the side for extra ventilation and that pretty scalloped look. Names are great for her, it's things that slip from her. Things like dates, where she put stuff, and how things really happened..... and that's not just a daughter who was a troublemaker talking here.
Yup, she is a great one for losing things. Every year I can expect to hear, "Well dear, I had a whole boat load of Christmas presents that I bought in March and wrapped with everyone's names on them.... but I can't find them!" So I had to buy new presents at the last minute and wrap them fast, here's your tea cosy in the shape of a rubber chicken."

Now, mom lives in a mobile home. Shouldn't be that difficult right? HA! You should see this place, it has more cubbies and secret compartments than the Vatican. You could lose a Chrysler in there if you had a mind to.

So here I am. I can't remember names, where I am supposed to be at any given time, where I put things, and I've developed a fondness for tea cosys in weird shapes.

This goes way beyond walking into a room and forgetting why I am there. It starts as I am walking TO the room. I can't remember why I am walking.... was it to go to the bathroom? To feed the chickens?? (none of whom look remotely like the cosy BTW) To eat? Okay, I never forget to eat tragically....
But you see where I am going. My friends wonder why I am so scattered and unorganized. I simply have to invite them to spend a day in my life and they soon see how it is, and from then on they just shake their heads and whisper as I walk by, "There goes poor Rachelle, she has a problem you know."

One time I thought all my troubles were a thing of the past. I found Ginko Biloba!! The miracle brain cell restorative that promised that all my memory woes would be a thing of the past.
I quickly flew to Costco to buy a case, asking every checker for their names, confident that the next time I returned, I would remember them. Ginko Biloba.... the two most beautiful words in the English language.

Bringing it home, I unwrapped the Manna and read the directions. "Take two caplets three times a day one hour before eating"
----thunk-crash---- that was me throwing the case of "MANNA" through the window.

Okay..... now I ask you, if you are the manufacturer of a memory enhancement supplement, is it really wise to formulate it to be taken three times a day? Because, here's what happened.... I couldn't remember to take it!!!!! Three times a day?!! I can't even remember to take my kids to school three times a week!!! I couldn't remember my 10th anniversary!!!! Three times a day!!!

I tried, really I did. But I just couldn't remember to take it, or if I already had taken it.

So, my dreams shattered, I gave up and retreated. Now I am often seen wandering the freeway looking for my car. Or mumbling while crawling around in a grocery store looking for my keys.
And all for the lack of Ginko Biloba. I should sue........................

what were we talking about?

Til next time loyal readers, and may your days be filled with memories, or at least be filled with remembering to take your Ginko Biloba while you can.
Slainte~
Rachelle

Once upon a deer...

2007-07-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

Hey! This is Cameron here, posting for my mom, who's out of town.

This was originally posted in September 06. I added the picture of Lumpy & Liza Jane, how funny is that?? :)) He didn't know what to do, deer were what he chased off our lawn, not what belonged in the house!

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Okay,
We live in one of the most beautiful places in CA I think, majestic oak forests dot a spectacular green landscape, er.... okay, so it's only green for about 4 weeks but the rest of the year it gives justice to the old "amber waves" phrase. It is clean & clear and the sky is blue. Did you know the sky was blue? After living in LA for a few years, I was beginning to believe in the 'blue sky conspiracy theory'.

Living in the country we have a different lifestyle than most folks. We have to really plan shopping trips as we live about 45 miles from the "real" shopping centers that feature such staples as Costco and Wal-Mart. We have dust, no I mean real dust- the kind that coats your car in one trip down the 2 1/2 mile dirt road we live on. We get to wake up to the sound of a rooster (wait a minute, did I just list that in the bonus column??) and eat fresh, free range eggs. We have clean air to breathe, and loads of room for the kids to run. It took a while before I didn't duck and scream the kids in from outside whenever we heard a gunshot. Out here it means target practice or hunting, not gang insanity.

We have neighbors, not the kind where you can see into their living room when you look out your bathroom window, but we do have them. We don't know all our neighbors, we are just too far away to be really neighborly. We have our share of oddballs, after all we live in the country, but we haven't heard the strains of Dueling Banjos yet. We have wonderful neighbors, and the kind you just learn to stay away from- not much different from anyone else I guess. When there is a crisis, like a fire- the chain goes into effect and everyone pulls together until we all seem to be sharing one big backyard. Pretty cool.

We see a wide variety of wildlife; deer, bobcats, the occasional mountain lion and bear... One day I was on my deck and there were three kinds of Finches feeding on the sunflowers I plant for them every year, 8 Hummingbirds in the big feeder, a pair of Bluebirds, a Mountain Bluejay, one Mourning Dove, a Towhee and a Woodpecker.... all right there in front of me! Totally awesome.

One Sunday evening it was a full house at our place. My friend from San Diego and her 4 kids were here and it was a joyous cacophony of sounds at our humble abode. I got a frantic call from one of my wonderful neighbors, one of their dogs had been found guarding a newborn deer near their back deck- very newborn. The husband was looking for the momma, but could we help? They had no idea what to do with this little one, and knew we raised alpacas, so we might have a clue. He searched to no avail- mom couldn't be found anywhere. Loth to leave the babe out there in the hopes that mom would just come back and find her (we had an annoying bear in the neighborhood) they didn't know what to do.

So hubby ran up there and picked up the wee one while I made a few phone calls to figure out what we could do. Through a wildlife rehabilitation place up near Fresno we were able to determine what needed to be done for the newborn. What do you know? She needed colostrum and goats milk, and what did we just happen to have on hand at that time? Just what was needed. Lucky for the little one we had a rare situation occurring on the ranch just then, a cria who needed additional supplementation, and what do we feed them? Colostrum and goats milk. Coincidence? I think not.

She was new, so new her umbilical cord was still wet. She was so small, unbelievably small....she was only 13" at her shoulders!! And she wanted nothing to do with that colostrum. I am sure we made quite the picture.... yeah laugh, I'd like to see you try to bottlefeed an octopus masquerading as a fawn..... I finally settled on feeding her with a bulb syringe (you know, the kind you suck the bogeys out of your kids nose with? This one was for just such an occasion as this though- let not your heart be troubled).

Before long she was following me around- we have hard wood and Pergo floors... this was a problem! Deer feet and slippery floors- never the twain should meet. We had to block off a section of the living room and put blankets all over the floor. Using two couches, a rocking chair placed on it's side and a piano bench the enclosure was finished. I spent the whole time laying in there with her because when I would leave she would try to follow me and cry. You haven't heard anything till you hear a newborn deer bleat- what a hoot! It sounds like a cross between a Nubian goat and an alien. She was promptly dubbed "Lil' Liza Jane" after an old timey tune my kid's band plays. Sweet lil' Liza Jane.....

Mixing small amounts of colostrum, milk and a little whole fat yogurt I fed her every hour and a half all night long. The next day we were to take her up half way to meet with a volunteer from the rehab center. He was going to take her the rest of the way to her new home.

During the short time that she was here, she touched my life profoundly. I had been witness to all kinds of wonders, assisted in many alpaca births, had kittens and puppies born along the way, and kids of my own. Bottle fed an alpaca or two and even some kittens long ago- but nothing was like this. This was a wild animal, right there in my living room! A precious gift and rare opportunity given to me. She worked her way into everyone's heart in my family, my daughter kept saying, "I can't believe we have a deer in our living room!" She was so cute, and affectionate. I never knew deer were very affectionate with their young, but they must be because she kept touching me with her cold little nose to reassure herself I was still there. Ginormous ears!! And those eyes.... wow. Huge, brown and green and rimmed with blue and so very, very, wise. Like an old soul was housed in that wee, new body.

When the time came to say goodbye, I thought my heart would break. Who'da thunk you could get so attached in just 24 short hours? Would she be all right? Would she live? The man I talked to at the rehab center told me they have about a 31% survival rate when they are rescued... 31%?? Forget that, I'll just keep her here and graft her onto an alpaca!! Poca could adopt her, she's short enough.... I could just see it now, visions of Liza pronking with this year's crias.... after all, they both bounce the same- she'd fit right in!

Then he told me that most of the time people find these new ones, then keep them for a few days, doing all the wrong things, feeding them the wrong stuff, and by the time the center gets them they are already mostly dead. He said this one was lucky, she found someone who had all the right things for her first day on earth. We knew her best chance for survival from then on was with people who were qualified to raise her, and where she would be with other little ones like her. He said they would make every effort to release her right back here in our own canyon when she was old enough.

So, we did the right thing and handed here over, though not without some tears shed.
We have pictures, unforgettable memories, and I sometimes feel the little wet and cold touch of lil' Liza Jane's nose on the back of my hand....
Thanks for visitin Liza, we hope to see you again some day when you're all grown up. Stop by any time sweetheart.
Slainte~
Rachelle

Gone fishin.... gone fishin......

2007-07-07T07:51:00.000-07:00

The best ever rendition of that song I have heard is the one I have with Satchmo and Bing Crosby.... love it!

Okay, so maybe not *really* gone fishin! I am going to be gone all next week until Saturday the 14th at our church's "Young Women's Camp".

I am in charge of the 13-14 year olds, and will be in their cabin- 16 of them and just lil old me!! :)) Ha-ha, I should be truly bald when I return...

But seriously, the spirit is so strong at camp, I always return rejuvenated. Just what I need right now~

The theme for this year is: "The Spirit of Aloha" and I have been designing the decorations for the bathrooms, I was all prepared for the 3 they told me about, when on Sunday they said there was actually 6!! So I have been busting my bum digging up more decorations, it will be fun!

I haven't been able to visit everyone lately, but I wanted you to know I am thinking about all of you, and will be missing you while I am gone! No electronics allowed! *gasp*

I thought I'd leave you with some pictures I was fooling around with today while I was supposed to be packing! Enjoy, and over the week posts I made a long time ago will surface magically! I hope you enjoy!

It has been hot, hot, hot here! Yesterday it was 106 here, really unheard of for us in the mountains. Still no cria yet, I just know she is going to have it while I am gone! Fingers crossed for a healthy, silver girl!! When it gets this hot, I can't even function. No air conditioning, no water right now at the house.... long story, but our pump is failing, and we are broke right now.... oh well. We have bottled water, and every morning we get enough water to keep the trees alive, barely. I was able to spray the pacas the last two days to help them stay cool, so prayers work!

See you when I get back!

Slainte~
Rachelle

Gone but not forgotten...

2007-06-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

Photograph copyrighted by: Wyatt Black

Okay.... I am here! I was gone for a few days, now I am back. And you all certainly are NOT forgotten!!

The next brilliant and inspiring (HA-HA excuse me while I choke!!) post will manifest itself this weekend, I promise!

Till then, I leave you with a photo taken in Yosemite by my wonderful husband.

Slainte~
Rachelle

Motherhood is easy and fun

2007-06-24T17:33:00.000-07:00

Okay Sarah, I stole this idea from you..... yup, I'm a thief.

I keep telling myself this over, and over. It's a breeze! Being a mom is the best job in the world!!
It's so rewarding/fullfilling/heartwarming..... whatever.
Ya, and if I click my heels three times the Good Fairy will give me a million dollars.
More likely the Wicked Witch of the West will break out her flying monkeys.

Which by the way is my new saying:

"Don't make me break out my flying monkeys!!!"

Most of the time I feel like that green lady up there on the top, without the green makeup. That no matter how hard I try to be a good mother, I always end up coming across as the Wicked Witch of the West, or, is that Lebec...?

Sometimes I wonder why my kids aren't ax murderers or living under a bridge somewhere talking to their imaginary cat. That's not to say that they won't eventually....

With a not so great example of parenthood to draw from, my limits are constantly being tested. I determined before I ever had children to NOT raise them the way I was raised. No whippings, no verbal abuse, no yelling and screaming. Not making THEM be the parent while I had a breakdown. Well, okay on numbers one, two and four, but the yelling? Not so much..... I think my kids are ready to install a mute button on mom!

How do those people do it? You know the ones, they always maintain their cool, never raise their voices, never lose their tempers.
Personally I think they aren't real. Maybe they are super advanced androids, that's my theory anyway.

Perhaps it was just my week of having 5 teens in my home that brought this all on, who knew teenage girls could eat so much?? Or talk so loud?? Or squeal like that??

I don't know, it's my opinion that any mother who has more than one teenager living in their home at one time should get a 2 week paid vacation. Let's make the government pay for it. We'll call it "No Mothers In Institutions". Kind of like the "No Child Left Behind" program, right?
Only we get an all expenses paid vacation. With a "No children within 25 miles guarantee".

Sounds great, I'll start the petition.

Seriously, I have great kids, but they are 15 and 13, and even the best kids at those ages cause their parents to go bald. From us yanking out hanks of hair.......
Between the brain cells lost during pregnancies, and the hair loss from the teenage years, then the sleep deprivation when they start driving and dating, we'll all be senile, bald monkeys by the age of 50. Oh, joy..... something to look forward to!

I know, I know, probably my kids will turn out just fine despite my lack of perfect parenting skills. But until then, anyone gotta banana? What were we talking about????
*muttering* where's my wig............

Ha! Love you kids! :))
Mom

Alpaca Shearing- a blessing or torture??

2007-06-14T09:45:00.000-07:00

All photographs copyrighted by: Rachelle and Codi Black

Ha! Well, we here at Black Magic Alpaca Ranch have been very, very busy lately. All about shearing in a bit but first... After Wyatt, myself, Cameron and Codi worked for two days straight stuffing cds- ta-da! Their second edition printing of The Rosebuds cd is officially finished! Last weekend my children had a huge gig they have been working towards all year. In front of about 500 people from all over the country at our cousin's BMW motorcycle rally. Check out his website here: http://www.rawhyde-offroad.com/ for a really cool idea. Jim and Steph are great people, and now they have a cutie patootie little girl in their family! It was a great time, and here are some pictures:

They did great! They played along with the help of their teacher's 50's band (who just happened to be able to fill with a little Celtic music) since two of their band mates bailed out at the last minute...... ARGH don't get me started. Anyone else out there think personal responsibility and committment have gone into the toilet? A show of hands - - - I thought so, I couldn't possibly be the only one out there who is seeing this disturbing trend. Nuff said.

The kids both play multiple instruments. In this gig they got to shine! Cameron played the guitar (his usual instrument for the band) and the Irish whistle. Codi got to play her flute as well as her Irish whistle. They got to sell some of their cds and had a good time.

Now, on to shearing! We shear our alpacas once a year, and in some circles of our industry, shearing day is known as "Hell Day"- and for good reason! We have 17 alpacas and two llamas right now. We also had two alpacas and two llamas that came up here for shearing. Last year we had two separate days because we had so many, but this year we did it in one.

It is hard, grueling work shearing. We start at about 8:30 am, and it isn't over till about 5 pm. It helps if you have a good shearer, and we do. Brett and A.J. work together when they come up, and we are so glad to have them. It is great when your shearer is also a friend, and has a great sense of humor! You can't get through the day without a good laugh or ten. Brett is a great guy and we love him. You also need baggers, sorters, herders and servers. And someone who can keep my head from exploding. Enter Cathy, my veteran helper, Vickie, and Darlene- Brett's grandma. With help from the kids Jonathon, Austin, Cameron, Codi and Matt as well- we have a good team.
Thanks guys, we couldn't do it without you!!

So, here's how it's done. The night before, I make out 3x5 cards with all the paca's names, and "P" for prime fleece, and "L & N" for leg and neck fleece, or what we call seconds. I also draw up syringes with worming medicine, and their annual vaccinations according to their weight and age. Imminently due pregnant females, or those in their first or last 30 days of pregnancy do not get anything. Too risky. Everything gets documented in their files later.

Brett and Aj work together to lay the alpaca gently down on it's side, then stretch them out and tie one front and one back leg. One person takes the head down and hold the head and neck while AJ takes the middle. You really need to hold their heads well, because with those long necks they can get the leverage to really cause some chaos! I don't have any wrestling matches on film this year, but sometimes getting the really scared and larger males down can be challenging to say the least. Then Brett shears off the 'trash fleece' around the tail, butt, tummy and chest, and then takes off the blanket on that side as seen in the photo above of my Hally-Boo.

That is quickly gathered and then the leg and neck fleece comes off. With that bagged the paca is flipped and the whole process is repeated.

While they are down, I trim teeth, use my alpaca hairstyling skills (shown below on Arwen) to trim up their topknots, and generally check them over physically.

Everyone gets their hands on the preggo's bellys for a quick feel of a foot, or elbow and we are careful to be quick and gentle to minimize stress.

Spit rags over the nose for those of the more cranky persuasion get nice and green before the day is through! And if they slip, or we aren't fast enough, whoops! You get green and stinky too! This year it was Cameron's turn :))

Llamas like my Angie shown above, are shorn standing- unless they really fight it. They are really too big to take down. Angie is a really good girl :))

Lastly I give their injections, one more kiss and they are up and back to their pens!

Here are a couple of before and after shots:

Earendil before ( this is last year)

After! No more fuzzball. Long skinny necks abound, and everyone looks much, much erm.... smaller!

This is Heathertoes this year. Brown on the outside.....

Beautiful dark gray (picture doesn't do it justice!) underneath! I love it when that happens!

Us oldies have pains in places we never even knew we had. Muscles sore, brains fried- we put on a big barbecue for all our great helpers. And we feast!

Then, after the up and down, up and down, wrestle and bend, pull and slip, trip and fall of shearing- everyone is ready for a nap and a long shower! The pacas run right out and roll, roll, roll! Then they lay in the sunshine and soak it all up. Happy to have all that hot scratchy fleece off, they pronk merrily in the evening twilight and enjoy a feast of their own.

Hope you enjoyed this day in the life of an alpaca rancher!

Slainte~
Rachelle

to sleep...... perchance to...???

2007-06-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

I am living life. It is not too exciting, nor too boring. I have a new husband and we have two children. There is the fun of discovering each other and ourselves, and everything seems to be fine, just fine.

Soon I find myself sinking. I ask my new husband, didn't we....? How many times have we ................? Didn't we already say/do that? I begin to do things that are out of character. I remember parties, wild parties. Dark events swim to the surface, did I REALLY do that? No one sees me, am I really here? Am, I crazy?

My children begin to look at me oddly, as if I am there, but not really there. I am heavy. Once, I am at the sink peeling something with a knife when I simply stop functioning properly. I begin to peel my finger instead, and my child beside me starts to scream. I watch the blood spiral down the drain with indifference. Could I hurt my child?? Getting heavier.

Hard to remember, I find myself in the corner a lot. Staring at the wall. My family drags me to their various functions muttering about how I'm not trying, (why doesn't she snap out of it? She's just faking it...?) and then, not caring... or, unable to see me any longer?

Heavier, heavier.... until the weight is unbearable and I bow to it. My body bent, I stand in the corner with my arms drooping down nearly to the ground. Eventually the effort required to hold my mouth closed is too much. I begin to drool. ((help me)) Doesn't anybody see??

Time passes, I wonder how to shed this burden, this unbearable weight that presses down upon my shoulders and causes me to lose my dignity, my humanity, my...... ((help me?))

Finally my husband SEES me. He discusses it with my children, as if it were only recently discovered, this MALADY of mine. Concerned. Desperate.
He makes a phone call, and I feel..... relief.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

This was the dream I had last night. So many interpretations. Depression, fear, the weight of the world, sadness? Perhaps.
Strangely enough, I didn't feel particularly depressed or sad, or anything this morning after the dream.
Just another one of Rachelle's weird dreams I thought... :))
Wow, tonight- to sleep.... perchance to.... forget that, just to sleep- please!!

The road to peace.....

2007-05-29T15:25:00.000-07:00

Starts one step at a time.

The weekend brought many tidings. We found out why the little preemie died. See, it's not too bad being a preemie, there are things you can do to help them continue to develop and grow, just like with humans. Sometimes they are just too early, but she was only 2 days outside the general 'safe time' rule so we wondered what went wrong. She was doing well the first two hours, but then she crashed. Why? Was it the feeding I gave her? Did she aspirate? Was it my fault? Was it a genetic problem?

Well, the necropsy showed a rupture of the umbilical artery. It would have happened the minute she was born, and she just bled to death. Not my fault. Not genetic- just a product of being too early. Relief? Um, a double edged sword.... Yes, I am relieved I didn't cause her death,

it was tearing me apart wondering.

Each alpaca on our ranch is known, each loved for their own individual personalities, likes and dislikes. Every year we plan carefully each breeding, then we wait a minimum of 335 days to see the results of our planning. When we lose a cria, it is completely devastating. Whenever we have a loss we wonder what happened, and I always blame myself. It doesn't matter that in each case it wasn't anything we did wrong- when you are Rachelle, that's what you do, you blame yourself.

As I go through my life, I try to take something from every experience- no matter how horrible, scary or tragic. Something positive, or what has been more likely in my life, a hard lesson learned. What I haven't learned yet, no matter the trial or tribulation, is how to find peace. Today as I visited with my girl, she taught me how to forgive myself for not being perfect, omniscient and for not having the power to resurrect the dead. She told me she still loves me, and doesn't blame me. By her kisses, her warm breath on my cheek, and by nudging me with her hip so I would scratch her itchy spot.

I think the road to peace is a long one- the journey difficult, and paved with obstacles that sometimes seem insurmountable. Today I am one step closer. Perhaps tomorrow I might take two steps back, but eventually- I will move forward again.

As our family spent the day together yesterday, I was reminded of how wonderful a happy day can be. It's been a long time, a very long time it seems since I had a truly happy day. Seems like such a simple thing! But as adults, we seem to complicate life to the point of absurdity.

We trivialize that which we should cherish, and insist on growing up too fast.

Laughing, sharing, making stupid jokes.... my baby brother brought me a copy of "Sesame Street Old School" and I watched, laughing and remembering taking Jamey into the spare room to watch Sesame Street while our parents argued, again. Stealing a moment of joy midst chaos.

Yesterday I let the child within out. The one who was forced to be grown up when she was eight years old, not allowed to laugh or be ridiculous. Who blamed herself for things entirely beyond her control and tried to 'fix' everything, please everyone. Now releasing her to play, laugh and be silly- without inhibitions. It was wonderful.

Jamey and my favorite chicken- Henny Penny

Left to right, front: My stepmother Karen, brother Jamey, and my dad.

Back: Daughter Codi, Jamey's girlfriend Giselle, son Cameron.

I think the fastest way to peace is through the eyes of a child. What do you think?

Slainte~
Rachelle